Humor, Week 2: Tales of the Unexpected
Title: Tales of the Unexpected
Author: donutsweeper
Genre: Humor
Prompt: Making contact
Word Count: 1009
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Sheppard tells the tale of how he arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy. Or tries to.
Notes: Title borrowed from the television series of the same name.
Art by mella68 (2 pieces; the other is at the end of the fic)
John took a deep breath, settling down on the slightly raised dais in front of the fire pit, and then began to tell their story, "A long time ago-"
"A long time ago? We haven't been in the Pegasus Galaxy a long time. It's only been, what? Five years? Five years is not that long," Rodney pointed out as he overrode John's attempt at telling an entertaining version of the story of the Atlantis expedition's history.
"Rodney," John hissed. "Not now."
"I must admit, Doctor McKay is correct. Five years is not often considered a considerable length of time." Teyla, ever the peacemaker, leaned forward, keeping her voice low so it would not carry over the fire to be heard by the villagers.
"Has it even been five years? I mean, it's certainly seemed that long, but when you factor in the-"
"Fine," John ground out, before continuing in what he hoped was a decent, storytelling manner, "Many years ago-"
"It's not all that many."
John took a deep, but unfortunately, not too relaxing breath. "Okay, several years ago, in a galaxy far, far away-"
"Oh, please, that's how you're going to start our story? Please tell me you aren't seriously going to be starting the story like that are you?"
"Well, I wanted to start it properly, just like the movie, but you're the one who objected."
"Because it's a completely inaccurate way to-"
"Rodney!"
"And, not to mention," Rodney said, continuing as if he'd never been interrupted, "you're copying Star Wars! Who does that? Because, really, Star Wars?"
"What's wrong with Star Wars? It's a classic. Right, big guy?" he asked, elbowing Ronon, who'd been silent so far, gently in the side.
"Which one's Star Wars?"
"I believe it is the film that began with the extremely long starship that was engaging in a large space battle."
"Lot of their movies have space battles," Ronon said, matter-of-factly.
"Space battles? That's all you remember about Star Wars? Really, Teyla? A long starship and space battles? Now it may not be a perfect movie, not by any means, but Star Wars is so much more than just space battles, it's about the epic struggle between good versus evil, right versus wrong, doing what is easy versus-"
John cut Rodney off before he could really get going. There was no need to have him delve into his three hour introspective on the inner politics of Star Wars right now. Or ever again. Twice was two times too many. Besides, there was a much easier way to narrow down which film he'd been talking about, and one that would make it instantly distinctive to Ronon. "It's the one with Princes Leia, the chick in white with those hair... things," he explained, making a circular motion by his ear.
"Oh, that one." Ronon grinned. "She was hot."
"Eloquent as always, thank you, Conan. Yes, she was rather attractive in that movie, although I have to say that I happen to believe that the gold bikini she wore in-"
"Rodney!" John grit his teeth, smiling over the flickering fire at the villagers who were starting to fidget. "Can we get back to the story here? I'm supposed to be telling these fine people here all about us and how we came to their planet and why we would like to trade with them."
"Oh, please, like the unwashed masses really care about any of that, especially since they're only here because the head honcho ordered them to sit here until he's decided what to do with us."
"It is impolite to insult our hosts, Doctor McKay."
"It can't really be considered an insult if it's true. What we do, or do not, say to these folks won't make any difference whatsoever in whether or not Chief Elder Hohathawhatsit-"
"I do not believe that is how you pronounce-"
"Of course it isn't how you pronounce it, I was being facetious. But my intent was clear, we've already explained everything, in great length, to whatever his name is, and he's the one who decides if we're acceptable, whatever that means, as trading partners, so what does it really matter if we tell these people anything anyway?"
"Perhaps he values the opinions of his people," Teyla said softly. "It is the trait of a good leader to listen to those around him."
"Right, because Mister I weigh five times more than any of my subjects and wear a ridiculous hat that's probably worth more than everything in this pathetic village put together really seemed like the open and caring type."
Ronon snorted, ducking his head so his dreads hid his face from them all, but John could tell he was trying to refrain from laughing.
"Anyway. Back to the matter at hand," Sheppard gave a pointed look across the fire pit. "If you don't mind."
"Oh, by all means. But, no Star Wars."
"Fine, no Star Wars. So, how should I start then? Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy?"
"Charlie's Angels? Seriously?"
"Angels? I thought you said girls?" Ronon asked. "They girls or angels?"
"Both," John said quickly, "And isn't it interesting that Rodney was able to pinpoint which show that came from so quickly?"
"Are you kidding? We're talking Farrah here."
"Oh, Farrah. She's Farrah now."
"Sheppard, I know where your chocolate stash is. I swear, if you-"
John didn't laugh, but it was a close thing. "Okay, no Star Wars and no Charlie's Angels. Got it."
Sheppard turned back to address the villagers. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," he cleared his throat, "Space. The final frontier..."
Rodney's head sank into his hands and he started massaging his scalp. "What did I ever do to deserve this?" he muttered to himself before being poked by Ronon.
"So, we going to watch some that Charlie Angels Farrah woman when we get back to Atlantis? Is she as hot as Princess Leia?"
"Oh, Lord. Kill me now," was all Rodney said in reply.
Author: donutsweeper
Genre: Humor
Prompt: Making contact
Word Count: 1009
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Sheppard tells the tale of how he arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy. Or tries to.
Notes: Title borrowed from the television series of the same name.
Art by mella68 (2 pieces; the other is at the end of the fic)
John took a deep breath, settling down on the slightly raised dais in front of the fire pit, and then began to tell their story, "A long time ago-"
"A long time ago? We haven't been in the Pegasus Galaxy a long time. It's only been, what? Five years? Five years is not that long," Rodney pointed out as he overrode John's attempt at telling an entertaining version of the story of the Atlantis expedition's history.
"Rodney," John hissed. "Not now."
"I must admit, Doctor McKay is correct. Five years is not often considered a considerable length of time." Teyla, ever the peacemaker, leaned forward, keeping her voice low so it would not carry over the fire to be heard by the villagers.
"Has it even been five years? I mean, it's certainly seemed that long, but when you factor in the-"
"Fine," John ground out, before continuing in what he hoped was a decent, storytelling manner, "Many years ago-"
"It's not all that many."
John took a deep, but unfortunately, not too relaxing breath. "Okay, several years ago, in a galaxy far, far away-"
"Oh, please, that's how you're going to start our story? Please tell me you aren't seriously going to be starting the story like that are you?"
"Well, I wanted to start it properly, just like the movie, but you're the one who objected."
"Because it's a completely inaccurate way to-"
"Rodney!"
"And, not to mention," Rodney said, continuing as if he'd never been interrupted, "you're copying Star Wars! Who does that? Because, really, Star Wars?"
"What's wrong with Star Wars? It's a classic. Right, big guy?" he asked, elbowing Ronon, who'd been silent so far, gently in the side.
"Which one's Star Wars?"
"I believe it is the film that began with the extremely long starship that was engaging in a large space battle."
"Lot of their movies have space battles," Ronon said, matter-of-factly.
"Space battles? That's all you remember about Star Wars? Really, Teyla? A long starship and space battles? Now it may not be a perfect movie, not by any means, but Star Wars is so much more than just space battles, it's about the epic struggle between good versus evil, right versus wrong, doing what is easy versus-"
John cut Rodney off before he could really get going. There was no need to have him delve into his three hour introspective on the inner politics of Star Wars right now. Or ever again. Twice was two times too many. Besides, there was a much easier way to narrow down which film he'd been talking about, and one that would make it instantly distinctive to Ronon. "It's the one with Princes Leia, the chick in white with those hair... things," he explained, making a circular motion by his ear.
"Oh, that one." Ronon grinned. "She was hot."
"Eloquent as always, thank you, Conan. Yes, she was rather attractive in that movie, although I have to say that I happen to believe that the gold bikini she wore in-"
"Rodney!" John grit his teeth, smiling over the flickering fire at the villagers who were starting to fidget. "Can we get back to the story here? I'm supposed to be telling these fine people here all about us and how we came to their planet and why we would like to trade with them."
"Oh, please, like the unwashed masses really care about any of that, especially since they're only here because the head honcho ordered them to sit here until he's decided what to do with us."
"It is impolite to insult our hosts, Doctor McKay."
"It can't really be considered an insult if it's true. What we do, or do not, say to these folks won't make any difference whatsoever in whether or not Chief Elder Hohathawhatsit-"
"I do not believe that is how you pronounce-"
"Of course it isn't how you pronounce it, I was being facetious. But my intent was clear, we've already explained everything, in great length, to whatever his name is, and he's the one who decides if we're acceptable, whatever that means, as trading partners, so what does it really matter if we tell these people anything anyway?"
"Perhaps he values the opinions of his people," Teyla said softly. "It is the trait of a good leader to listen to those around him."
"Right, because Mister I weigh five times more than any of my subjects and wear a ridiculous hat that's probably worth more than everything in this pathetic village put together really seemed like the open and caring type."
Ronon snorted, ducking his head so his dreads hid his face from them all, but John could tell he was trying to refrain from laughing.
"Anyway. Back to the matter at hand," Sheppard gave a pointed look across the fire pit. "If you don't mind."
"Oh, by all means. But, no Star Wars."
"Fine, no Star Wars. So, how should I start then? Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy?"
"Charlie's Angels? Seriously?"
"Angels? I thought you said girls?" Ronon asked. "They girls or angels?"
"Both," John said quickly, "And isn't it interesting that Rodney was able to pinpoint which show that came from so quickly?"
"Are you kidding? We're talking Farrah here."
"Oh, Farrah. She's Farrah now."
"Sheppard, I know where your chocolate stash is. I swear, if you-"
John didn't laugh, but it was a close thing. "Okay, no Star Wars and no Charlie's Angels. Got it."
Sheppard turned back to address the villagers. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," he cleared his throat, "Space. The final frontier..."
Rodney's head sank into his hands and he started massaging his scalp. "What did I ever do to deserve this?" he muttered to himself before being poked by Ronon.
"So, we going to watch some that Charlie Angels Farrah woman when we get back to Atlantis? Is she as hot as Princess Leia?"
"Oh, Lord. Kill me now," was all Rodney said in reply.