Supporting Character, Week 1: Home is where the heart is
Title: Home is where the heart is
Author: Cybersyd
Genre: Supporting Character
Prompt Forbidden planet
Word Count: 5094
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Several characters return to Earth for shore leave, and find themselves rethinking their ideas of home.
Miko stands in the middle of the arrival area of the airport, blinking against the bright strip lighting. The crowd moves around her, treating her as immovable an object as the walls. Children are laughing; to her right a couple are arguing over the lateness of their arrival; somewhere a baby is crying. Tour guides, leaning over the edges of railings, call out the names of their companies in search of the latest batch of tourists. Advertisements are playing over the airport sound system. Towards the door a group of identically dressed girls with fake smiles are chanting the slogan of a candy company, and handing out free samples.
This is the closest Miko has come to home for over a year.
She finds herself longing for the silence and dark of her room aboard the Daedalus. She misses the calm breeze and sounds of the ocean from a balcony aboard Atlantis.
She wants to be anywhere that isn't here.
Someone is calling her name.
"Miko! Miko, over here!"
Her brother is pressed up against the barrier that separates new arrivals from the friends and family waiting for them, jammed into a space between a pudgy taxi-driver and a gaggle of excitable teenage girls. He waves.
Miko tightens her grip on the handle of her bag and walks around the barrier toward her brother. Togusa fights his way free of the crowd, then runs to greet her. He sweeps her up in a hug, pressing her so close to his chest that her glasses dig painfully into her skin.
"Brother." Miko pushes herself away, just far enough to create breathing distance. She looks her brother up and down critically.
"You have put on weight." She says the words out of concern, but her brother shrugs, poking her in the chest.
"And you have lost weight. Soon there will be nothing left of you. Do they not feed the employees, this military base where you work?"
Miko smiles. She thinks of Atlantis, and the ample breakfasts available after every visit from the Daedalus. Then she thinks of their first year aboard, and whispers of rations. Doctor Lewis, and the small box of chocolates she spent a month nibbling, a look of ecstasy on her face at each bite.
"They feed us."
"Hmm." Togusa moves around her, picking up her bag. "Come with me. My car is parked outside. Let's go home."
The journey is uneventful. After the chaos of the airport, Miko is thankful for the serenity of the car. Togusa talks as he drives, telling her of all that has passed since her last visit; marriages, births, promotions. Miko listens, and looks out of the window at the scenery around her. As they approach home she can already spot changes. New buildings have risen in the place of old buildings, shops have closed and new ones have appeared. Large billboards flash advertisements at her with bright bulbs. Several advertise the same movie, 'coming soon,' but she does not recognise the star.
She feels strange. Uneasy, but she cannot say why.
"The restaurant is doing well. Plenty of trade, a lot of regulars. And last month we appeared in two of the tourist guides, although it is too early to say whether that will make much difference."
She nods. Togusa is a chef. His restaurant specialises in simple, traditional food cooked in a traditional way.
"Father has been coming by a lot recently. He brings his clients to me. My staff entertain them, and I keep them fed and full, and father takes on their business."
"That is good."
"It is beneficial to all of us."
Miko looks at her brother. He is looking out to the road, and she can only see him in profile. Sunlight dapples his face.
"He is proud of you."
Togusa doesn't reply. He turns the car left at a junction. They are two streets away from the apartment building.
Miko looks through the window again. The supermarket where her mother shops is unchanged. Next to it is a library, where Mikospent many hours studying during her stay at university. Then the car makes another turn, and they are approaching the apartment building.
The white paint on the walls is beginning to peel, and there are several new windows and air conditioning units, but otherwise the building has not changed. The guard is still the same, nodding at Togusa as they drive down into the car park below the apartment block. Togusa parks the car, but does not immediately open the door after turning the engine off.
"Miko." He smiles at her. "I am glad you are back home, even for a little while."
"I am glad to be back home," Miko replies, automatically. "I have missed everyone."
Togusa nods. Then he opens the car door, and they go upstairs, to their parents' apartment.
Miko does not get as many chances to go off-world as some of the other scientists. She is not a geologist, or an anthropologist. She is a computer programmer, and most of the systems she designs belong to the computers of Atlantis.
Occasionally she is allowed through the 'gate. Sometimes because an off-world team has found a piece of technology that they need a specialist to synch with. Usually because it is her turn on the waiting list to visit a 'safe' planet.
Sometimes there are other people on the planet. Aliens. The term still sounds strange.
Some are like the Athosians. Miko feels comfortable around the Athosians. Their culture is not too dissimilar to her own, and she has spent too long living with international companions to pick out the differences as flaws.
Some are very different. On one planet lived a society of people who lived in polygamous relationships. The boundaries between families blurred, with children brought up by four or more parents. Doctor Mukherjee theorised that this was in direct response to the threat from the Wraith; protection against loss and population drop due to cullings. Miko believes it is something else. A genuine love for each other, and a desire to encompass others within that love. An exuberant, noisy, expressive, emotional society that both intimidated and fascinated her.
The reception Miko receives from her family is quite different.
Where Togusa was warm, her father is quite formal. He shakes her hand, as though she is a business client, and bows. He seems older than she remembers, almost hidden behind his glasses, which are larger than her own.
Everyone says Miko is like her father.
Her mother is just as formal, but with a sense of feminine grace that Miko has never possessed. She smiles, and Miko flushes, feeling self-conscious, aware of her mother and sisters judging her appearance.
"You have not changed, Miko."
"Not on the outside," Miko says, mildly. Her words aren't heard.
Chiyo and Ayumi are like her mother, unusually tall and long-legged. They are best friends, and appear so similar that they are often mistaken for twins, although there are six years between them and Miko is the middle of the daughters.
"How are you Miko?" Chiyo asks. Then, without giving her sister chance to speak, she says "I am going to be on television. Did you know?"
"It has been a few weeks since I received any letters."
"It takes too long for anything to reach you," her father says, frowning. "I thought the US postal service would be more efficient."
"The base is a long way from the nearest town."
"Enough talk." Her mother smiles again, and waves at the room behind her. "The guest room is ready for you, if you want to take a shower before we go out."
"Go out?"
"Your father has booked a table for us at Togusa's restaurant."
"Oh." Miko knows she sounds hesitant.
"You aren't hungry?"
"No. It isn't that." She thinks of the noise of the airport, and wishes her family had chosen a simpler option.
"Then it must be my food," Togusa jokes.
"No." Miko forces a smile onto her face. "I am very keen to see your restaurant, Togusa. It has been too long. And I would like a shower, after the long flight."
She keeps the smile on her face until she reaches the bedroom, and can shut the door. She drops her bag onto the bed, then stops, bendingover, feeling claustrophobic.
A wave of homesickness washes over her.
Irrational, Miko tells herself. She takes a deep breath, and straightens, smoothing her jacket.
Silly, she says to herself. You are home.
*
Radek Zelenka is sitting on a bench, in a park in Prague. The architecture of the city rises up around him, beautiful even in the slightly chilly air of spring. The trees are starting to bud, shoots of bulbs are appearing from the dirt, and everywhere he looks he can see young couples doing what only young couples will do, in a park in Prague.
His sister is a short distance away, looking after her son and one of his friends. They have gone to the playground, to play on the swings and slides. Radek is too old and too creaky to join them.
He does not like his sister's son. He finds him spoilt, and thoughtless, and worse - ignorant. He hopes he will grow out of this. His sister dotes on him, because she lost her first child before the baby was a week old, and he cannot blame her for being grateful for the second chance.
But her son, his nephew... demanding a present, wanting to examine the digital camcorder he had brought, wanting to pull it to pieces. Shouting over his mother, jostling passers-by when walking down the street, unable to sit still while watching a movie, a movie he had chosen. Some bright and cheaply made children's blockbuster that Radek had no time for.
He had dozed off in his cinema seat, and dreamt of stars streaming past the windows of a ship, and of the sound of waves against metal and glass.
The bench beneath him is slightly damp. He shifts slightly, as though he can escape the uncomfortable sensation. He is wearing a pair of jeans, something unheard of on Atlantis, and the material feels oddly bulky.
He cannot stop his mind from drifting back towards the work he has waiting for him on Atlantis. The reason he came to Earth was a valid one, but he remembers the task list pinned above his desk, and thinks of the experiments he could be running, the experiments he is missing while he idles time away on Earth.
His sister had threatened to take the laptop away from him, when he had arrived on her doorstep with the bag over his shoulder. Her sharp words had reminded him of McKay, and that thought had him handing the machine over without complaint, realising when he had made a mistake.
He did not want to be so consumed in his work as to abandon all personal relationships back on Earth. Even his relationship with his nephew.
There is a fountain in the centre of the park, and the benches cluster around it. As the water spray ebbs and rises, casting diamonds into the sky, Radek sees a boy and girl sitting on the bench directly opposite him.
She is no more than seventeen, and the boy no older. She has long, dark hair which hides her face, and the boy runs his fingers through them. Her legs lie over his, almost sitting his lap, her left arm slung over his shoulder and her right hand stroking his face.
They are oblivious to Radek watching them, oblivious to anything except each other.
He tries to remember the last time someone looked at him like that. It has been too long. Atlantis does not lend itself to relationships.
There is too much risk involved.
The couple kiss. Radek thinks of Sergeant Kate McIntyre and Doctor Simon Dubont, the source of all gossip in the city for several months. She seeing him under cover of darkness, trying to hide the relationship from her fellow soldiers and failing, badly. Him suddenly cheerful, a smile on his face, contrary to three years of grumbles and whining. Dubont almost had a worse reputation than McKay - almost, only because he was consistent, when with McKay the fear lay in the unexpected nature of his contempt. Then, almost overnight, the scientist had changed. Laughing, joking with his colleagues, offering to make coffee, helping overstretched colleagues with their work. Their relationship did not stay private for very long. Secretive smiles across the mess hall became lunch together, every day. McIntyre seen leaving Dubont's room in the early hours of the morning.
Zelenka had caught them unawares once. He had been driven out of the labs by an accidental chemical reaction that had sent plumes of thick, repulsive fumes into the air. Wanting relief, he had sought the nearest balcony, and opened the door to find Kate and Simon curled up together, watching the sunset. Simon's hand was stroking Kate's short hair.
Radek had apologised profusely, then left, red-faced and more embarrassed than them.
Two weeks later, while off-world, Kate had been swept up by a Wraith dart. She and the two soldiers she was with had not been seen since.
Someone nudges him. Radek is started by the action, and lifts his head to see his sister, a frown on her face.
"You look so serious, Radek. You should come, spend some time with the boys. Damek barely knows his uncle."
Radek follows her obediently. He glances one last time at the couple on the bench, so caught up in each other it is as though they have formed their own universe, and now choose it over any real world.
Some people do not return from Atlantis. There are times when Radek wonders whether it isn't easier if his nephew forgets him.
*
Lorne's brother lives in a basement flat, close to the bars of Chicago. He pays for location, not space or quality. The bedroom is also a makeshift gym, complete with treadmill and weights. Lorne's bed is made up on the couch, opposite a giant television screen and below a poster of Robert DeNiro. Since his divorce, George has embraced the bachelor lifestyle, despite being a decade too old for it.
He went to Iraq, the only place Lorne can think of as more dangerous than Atlantis. Was given an honourable discharge due to medical grounds, after taking a couple of bullets. Recovering from his injuries seemed to make him more determined to keep fit. Lorne wonders what he is trying to prove.
George slaps him on the back, beaming. "It's not a big pad, but it's good for me." Then he offers his brother a beer, cold from the fridge.
It has been over a year since Lorne last saw his brother. He hasn't changed, while Lorne himself feels older. He wonders if the feeling is temporary, an effect of the long journey back to Earth.
He takes a gulp from the beer bottle. The liquid is cold against his throat, and he remembers that this is one of the small things he has missed for the last year. Beer, and his brother.
They watch a football game. George puts his feet on an upturned beer crate, and they pass a bag of chips between them.
"They're doing good this season. They've moved up pretty quickly. I made fifty dollars on them the other week. What do you think of their offense this season?"
Lorne shrugs. "I haven't been keeping up."
"Seriously?" His brother reaches over and snags another chip. "You can't get the sports channels where you are?"
"Not exactly." Lorne can't tell his brother anything of Atlantis, even with the military connection. His brother accepts this, familiar with secrecy after a childhood spent growing up under their father. Military secrets are a family tradition.
"Besides," Lorne admits, ruefully, "I'm not sure it's really that interesting to me anymore."
"Are you kidding?" George's eyes are wide. He lightly punches his brother on the arm. "You had the magazines, shirts, posters - your room was a shrine, man."
He shrugs. "I was a kid. Besides, people change."
"Not that much." George swigs his beer. "So, what do you do for fun on your down time? If you get any?"
"We don't get much."
Lorne has brought his paints and easel with him, intending to travel to one of the national parks. He has plans to join up with a camping group, to sit beside a fire and paint the mountains at dusk.
George doesn't know that he paints. He doesn't think his brother will understand this.
George shakes his head. "Too bad. What about movies? Music?"
"Yeah, we get them. But usually a few months after the rest of the world."
On the television screen several commentators are arguing over a decision made by the referee. Lorne sees the passion in their faces, and tries to remember the last time he felt the same way about football.
He tries to change the subject, to engage his brother in something outside of the television.
"Are you still seeing Louise?"
"Nah. She got a job at a hospital on the west coast. Offer of a lifetime. She couldn't pass it up."
"You could have gone with her."
"I've got friends here. My job. Besides, she's a nice girl, but I didn't see long-term prospects."
"Do you ever?" Lorne asks. He intends it as a joke, but somehow his voice sounds more accusing than he intended, and a flicker of anger crosses his brother's face.
"You sound like mom."
"Sorry."
"There's no rush, Evan."
"I know," Lorne lies. "We get to enjoy ourselves."
He returns his gaze to the television screen. On Atlantis relationships are few and far between. Logically, Lorne can see the reasons why, but sometimes he wishes that things could be different. He wonders about when he'll get back to the dreams his mother had for him.
His brother made the same choices when he went to Iraq, but he doesn't seem to share the same doubts as Lorne.
On screen, one of the teams scores. Lorne isn't even sure which team is winning anymore.
He wonders how much he still has in common with his brother. Whether they know each other at all.
*
Sheppard is propping up a bar, somewhere in Denver. Ronon Dex lounges next to him, his third bottle of beer dangling from his fingers. The space is dark and badly lit, the shelves behind the bar lined with spirits, the floor sticky, the furniture battered and worn. There is a band on the stage at the end of the room, playing a laid-back blues track that Sheppard thinks he recognises from somewhere, once. It reminds him of his ex-wife.
"So this is what you do for fun?" Ronon asks, elbows resting on the bar.
Sheppard shrugs. "Sometimes. Are you bored?"
Ronon shrugs. "What else do you do?"
"Sport. Watch it. Play it. Shame we're not in time for the Superbowl."
"Huh."
The song finishes, and another takes its place. Sheppard finds himself tapping the beat out with his foot.
"What did you do on Sateda?"
"Trained."
"And that's it?"
"Sport."
Sheppard glances at him. "Sport? What are Satedan sports like?"
"Rough."
"Right."
Sheppard remembers trying to organise a baseball game aboard Atlantis. Ronon had enthusiastically volunteered. The game had ended, quickly, Lorne sporting a black eye, Sheppard a sprained wrist, and Lieutenant Mitchell had landed in the infirmary with mild concussion.
Baseball. He remembered thinking beforehand, how wrong could things go?
"They were good, though. Good for training. Anticipating an attack. Deflecting a targeted weapon."
Sheppard casts a glance towards the Satedan, but Ronon is looking away, towards the crowd.
The environment of the bar around him is comforting. Although he has never been here before, there is a familiarity to this place, to all places similar, that makes this almost feel like home to Sheppard. Suddenly he realises how little Ronon speaks of Sateda. How perhaps, to survive the pain of losing an entire world, it is better to bury memories, and not indulge in homesickness.
A man is coming towards them, shaven head and tattooed neck, clearly drunk. He sways as he walks, clearly oblivious to the crowd around him, wordlessly pushing past people as though they are shadows. He makes a move toward Sheppard and Ronon, almost falling, lunging for the bar between them. In the man's suddenness, Sheppard nearly tips over from his stool.
"Hey," Ronon growls, rising from his seat.
The drunk looks at him, glassy-eyed. "Yeah?"
There was a world of superstitious locals, who thought McKay's laptop was an evil spirit. They kidnapped the scientist, planning to sacrifice him, and thus appease their gods. They were an unusually short off-shoot of the human race, but had plenty of spears and daggers to compensate. Sheppard can still remember how it looked, seeing Ronon wading through the angry mob, carrying a drugged and semi-conscious Rodney over his shoulder.
The drunk doesn't have a chance.
Sheppard stands up, and puts a hand on his friend's elbow. "It's okay. It was just an accident." Then he moves to stand on the other side of Ronon, giving the drunk plenty of space.
Ronon growls, but takes his seat.
The sound of the band is soothing. Sheppard blanks out the drunk, and tries to regain the sense he felt before the unwanted interruption.
He wonders if they had bars like this on Sateda. He thinks about asking Ronon, but something about the dark look in his friend's eyes makes him stay quiet.
He can't imagine what it is like to lose a world. Even one as flawed as Earth.
*
Jello. Miko stares at the cups laid out in front of her, momentarily mesmerised by the colours and their subtle wobbling, caused by the minute vibrations running through the ship's hull.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
She turns, surprised. "Doctor Zelenka? A penny?"
"Sorry. It is a euphemism. Doctor Beckett used to say it." He reaches past her and takes one of the jello cups, a red one. Miko copies him, picking up a cup and putting it onto her tray next to a cheese sandwich and apple.
"What does it mean?"
"It is something you say when a person is appearing thoughtful. To encourage them to talk." He looks at her. "You seemed very thoughtful."
"Oh." Miko ducks her head and flushes. "Perhaps."
"Would you care to sit with me? Keep me company?"
She nods. Miko likes Doctor Zelenka. He is quieter and more restrained than Doctor McKay, but when his emotions soar Miko thinks his expressions are like fireworks - explosive, colourful, but harmless. He once saw her reading a book on Georg Cantor, and lent her a biography of his own, their interest shared.
They take the only spare table, close to the doorway. It is a busy period, and the air is full of the chatter of soldiers and scientists. Some are returning to Atlantis after leave; others are new to the mission, and are full of questions and curiousity. The room smells of baking; muffins and pastries cooked from the fresh ingredients the Daedalus carries.
Miko places her tray down onto the table, then takes her seat on the bench. Radek sits down opposite. He picks up his fork and starts eating the pasta bolognase he has picked. Miko nibbles at her sandwich, paying little attention to the food.
Over Radek's shoulder, towards the windows, she sees Doctor McKay. He is sitting with Sheppard and Ronon, Teyla on his left. Sheppard is talking, Ronon laughing, and Doctor McKay is glowering, clearly annoyed with his team mates' behaviour.
Radek looks over his shoulder, following her line of vision. "Rodney will not easily live this down."
Miko frowns. "I am not sure what you mean."
"Apparently, while visiting his sister, Rodney went to a theme park. He accompanied his niece on a rollercoaster, one suitable for children. His niece enjoyed the ride. Rodney..." Zelenka hesitates, smiling, "he did not."
"No?"
"According to his sister, Rodney got off the rollercoaster, and a moment later was throwing up into a bush. He claims it was food poisoning."
Miko laughs, despite her best efforts to keep quiet, and instantly covers her hand with her mouth. "That is terrible," she says, sombrely.
"Mm." Doctor Zelenka twirls spaghetti with his fork. "So, what did you do on Earth? No rollercoasters?"
"No. I do not like rollercoasters. They make me feel..." She pauses, her English temporarily failing her. Instead she raises her left hand, palm flat and fingers pressed together, and moves it through the air in swirls.
"Ah. I sympathise." He eats the pasta from his fork, then reaches out for the bread. "Did you see family?"
"Yes. My parents, and my brother and sisters."
"I imagine they were glad to see you."
Miko stares at her half-eaten sandwich. "Of course," she says, dully.
Radek looks up from his lunch. "You are not a very convincing liar."
"My family are not very..." she hesitates, "they do not relax. And it is hard. I have always loved computers. They do not understand that. My sisters, they are artists - they act, dance, sing, just like my mother. They are not like me."
"You do not like to sing?"
"I am not a singer," Miko emphasises. "And they are different from me. Elegant. Beautiful. My parents do not understand why I am not like them." She remembers the tension of the house, the way her mother greeted her with a long look, up and down, judging her. The way her father bowed. The way her brother still tries to live up to an ideal, and her sisters think of gossip and little else. "I feel sometimes that they disapprove of my choices."
Radek presses his lips together and frowns, but he says nothing.
Miko is glad. She does not want platitudes, and has to remind herself that this man is her superior. "I am sorry, Doctor Zelenka. I am sure you do not want to hear of my family."
"My sister has a son," Zelenka says, as though she has not spoken. "She married young. Her husband is a good man, but my nephew is spoilt. My sister and I, we always fight when I tell this to her. I wonder, sometimes, if I fight with her because I am jealous of her."
Miko looks away, down to her lunch. She feels as though she is intruding, and does not know what to say.
"We work aboard Atlantis. We grow old here, pursuing our experiments, and new discoveries. We grow old, and life on Earth goes on without us, without noticing our absence."
"Our work is important," she says, feeling defensive.
"Of course. And I would not swap this, this mission and these people, for anything on Earth." Zelenka puts down his fork, and glances behind him, back at McKay and the others. "But we cannot tell anyone, we cannot share this with anyone from home. Rodney does not realise how fortunate he is, to have someone he can confide in, someone removed from all this."
"His sister?" Miko asks. She glimpsed Doctor McKay's sister, briefly, on her last visit. She remembers the other programmers whispering, commenting on the woman's likeness to her brother.
"Rodney has someone to connect him to Earth." Doctor Zelenka shrugs, and starts to peel back the lid from his jello cup. "Whereas I, I wonder sometimes where my home is - here, or Earth. I think perhaps here. And at times, when I think about what I might be missing..." He lapses into silence.
Miko bites her lip, thinking of her family. She remembers the way her mother came into her bedroom, while Miko sat on the end of the bed, and her mother started to brush her hair, pulling out the tangles.
"Are there no men where you work, Miko?"
"I love my family," she says, quietly. "But you are right. Atlantis is home."
"And that is frightening." It is a statement, not a question. "It is not what you expected."
"No."
There is another round of explosive laughter from the group behind them. Colonel Sheppard is spluttering, and Ronon smacks him across the back, while Teyla and McKay look on despairingly.
"Perhaps things will change," Radek says, thoughtfully. "Perhaps one day the details of what we do here will be released to the world. Then, I am sure, your parents will be very proud."
Miko nods, offering a small smile. "And then we can reconnect with Earth, and normal life."
"Normal life." Radek laughs. "I am not sure I want a normal life." He finishes his jello, scraping the cup out with his spoon, before putting it back down on the tray. "I am afraid I will have to leave you to finish eating alone. I must return to the lab."
"You have work to do?"
"I always have work to do. But yes, I am working on something urgent." He picks up his tray, but pauses before turning away, meeting Miko's gaze. "We may not be able to tell anyone on Earth of what we do, but we are not alone."
"No." She returns his gaze, feeling a flush of warmth across her cheeks. "This is true."
"Thank you for lunch, Doctor Kusanagi." He bows slightly, then walks away.
Miko finishes her lunch, watching Doctor McKay and his team. She mulls over Doctor Zelenka's words, and has to quell a feeling of jealousy towards Doctor McKay and his relationship with his sister.
She wishes she had the same connection to her old life on Earth.
Then, Miko thinks, perhaps Radek is right. She does not want her old life. She loves her family, but she does not want to still be the daughter or the sister they think she still is.
Doctor McKay's team are on the move. Colonel's Sheppard and Ronon are walking towards the door, and exchange greetings with Lorne, who is just entering.
For a moment, Miko wonders whether anyone other than her has the same feelings of alienation when they return to Earth.
Silly, she thinks, getting up from her seat. Earth is her home.
Miko decides to go back to her quarters, to write a letter to her mother, before returning to work.
Author: Cybersyd
Genre: Supporting Character
Prompt Forbidden planet
Word Count: 5094
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Several characters return to Earth for shore leave, and find themselves rethinking their ideas of home.
Miko stands in the middle of the arrival area of the airport, blinking against the bright strip lighting. The crowd moves around her, treating her as immovable an object as the walls. Children are laughing; to her right a couple are arguing over the lateness of their arrival; somewhere a baby is crying. Tour guides, leaning over the edges of railings, call out the names of their companies in search of the latest batch of tourists. Advertisements are playing over the airport sound system. Towards the door a group of identically dressed girls with fake smiles are chanting the slogan of a candy company, and handing out free samples.
This is the closest Miko has come to home for over a year.
She finds herself longing for the silence and dark of her room aboard the Daedalus. She misses the calm breeze and sounds of the ocean from a balcony aboard Atlantis.
She wants to be anywhere that isn't here.
Someone is calling her name.
"Miko! Miko, over here!"
Her brother is pressed up against the barrier that separates new arrivals from the friends and family waiting for them, jammed into a space between a pudgy taxi-driver and a gaggle of excitable teenage girls. He waves.
Miko tightens her grip on the handle of her bag and walks around the barrier toward her brother. Togusa fights his way free of the crowd, then runs to greet her. He sweeps her up in a hug, pressing her so close to his chest that her glasses dig painfully into her skin.
"Brother." Miko pushes herself away, just far enough to create breathing distance. She looks her brother up and down critically.
"You have put on weight." She says the words out of concern, but her brother shrugs, poking her in the chest.
"And you have lost weight. Soon there will be nothing left of you. Do they not feed the employees, this military base where you work?"
Miko smiles. She thinks of Atlantis, and the ample breakfasts available after every visit from the Daedalus. Then she thinks of their first year aboard, and whispers of rations. Doctor Lewis, and the small box of chocolates she spent a month nibbling, a look of ecstasy on her face at each bite.
"They feed us."
"Hmm." Togusa moves around her, picking up her bag. "Come with me. My car is parked outside. Let's go home."
The journey is uneventful. After the chaos of the airport, Miko is thankful for the serenity of the car. Togusa talks as he drives, telling her of all that has passed since her last visit; marriages, births, promotions. Miko listens, and looks out of the window at the scenery around her. As they approach home she can already spot changes. New buildings have risen in the place of old buildings, shops have closed and new ones have appeared. Large billboards flash advertisements at her with bright bulbs. Several advertise the same movie, 'coming soon,' but she does not recognise the star.
She feels strange. Uneasy, but she cannot say why.
"The restaurant is doing well. Plenty of trade, a lot of regulars. And last month we appeared in two of the tourist guides, although it is too early to say whether that will make much difference."
She nods. Togusa is a chef. His restaurant specialises in simple, traditional food cooked in a traditional way.
"Father has been coming by a lot recently. He brings his clients to me. My staff entertain them, and I keep them fed and full, and father takes on their business."
"That is good."
"It is beneficial to all of us."
Miko looks at her brother. He is looking out to the road, and she can only see him in profile. Sunlight dapples his face.
"He is proud of you."
Togusa doesn't reply. He turns the car left at a junction. They are two streets away from the apartment building.
Miko looks through the window again. The supermarket where her mother shops is unchanged. Next to it is a library, where Mikospent many hours studying during her stay at university. Then the car makes another turn, and they are approaching the apartment building.
The white paint on the walls is beginning to peel, and there are several new windows and air conditioning units, but otherwise the building has not changed. The guard is still the same, nodding at Togusa as they drive down into the car park below the apartment block. Togusa parks the car, but does not immediately open the door after turning the engine off.
"Miko." He smiles at her. "I am glad you are back home, even for a little while."
"I am glad to be back home," Miko replies, automatically. "I have missed everyone."
Togusa nods. Then he opens the car door, and they go upstairs, to their parents' apartment.
Miko does not get as many chances to go off-world as some of the other scientists. She is not a geologist, or an anthropologist. She is a computer programmer, and most of the systems she designs belong to the computers of Atlantis.
Occasionally she is allowed through the 'gate. Sometimes because an off-world team has found a piece of technology that they need a specialist to synch with. Usually because it is her turn on the waiting list to visit a 'safe' planet.
Sometimes there are other people on the planet. Aliens. The term still sounds strange.
Some are like the Athosians. Miko feels comfortable around the Athosians. Their culture is not too dissimilar to her own, and she has spent too long living with international companions to pick out the differences as flaws.
Some are very different. On one planet lived a society of people who lived in polygamous relationships. The boundaries between families blurred, with children brought up by four or more parents. Doctor Mukherjee theorised that this was in direct response to the threat from the Wraith; protection against loss and population drop due to cullings. Miko believes it is something else. A genuine love for each other, and a desire to encompass others within that love. An exuberant, noisy, expressive, emotional society that both intimidated and fascinated her.
The reception Miko receives from her family is quite different.
Where Togusa was warm, her father is quite formal. He shakes her hand, as though she is a business client, and bows. He seems older than she remembers, almost hidden behind his glasses, which are larger than her own.
Everyone says Miko is like her father.
Her mother is just as formal, but with a sense of feminine grace that Miko has never possessed. She smiles, and Miko flushes, feeling self-conscious, aware of her mother and sisters judging her appearance.
"You have not changed, Miko."
"Not on the outside," Miko says, mildly. Her words aren't heard.
Chiyo and Ayumi are like her mother, unusually tall and long-legged. They are best friends, and appear so similar that they are often mistaken for twins, although there are six years between them and Miko is the middle of the daughters.
"How are you Miko?" Chiyo asks. Then, without giving her sister chance to speak, she says "I am going to be on television. Did you know?"
"It has been a few weeks since I received any letters."
"It takes too long for anything to reach you," her father says, frowning. "I thought the US postal service would be more efficient."
"The base is a long way from the nearest town."
"Enough talk." Her mother smiles again, and waves at the room behind her. "The guest room is ready for you, if you want to take a shower before we go out."
"Go out?"
"Your father has booked a table for us at Togusa's restaurant."
"Oh." Miko knows she sounds hesitant.
"You aren't hungry?"
"No. It isn't that." She thinks of the noise of the airport, and wishes her family had chosen a simpler option.
"Then it must be my food," Togusa jokes.
"No." Miko forces a smile onto her face. "I am very keen to see your restaurant, Togusa. It has been too long. And I would like a shower, after the long flight."
She keeps the smile on her face until she reaches the bedroom, and can shut the door. She drops her bag onto the bed, then stops, bendingover, feeling claustrophobic.
A wave of homesickness washes over her.
Irrational, Miko tells herself. She takes a deep breath, and straightens, smoothing her jacket.
Silly, she says to herself. You are home.
*
Radek Zelenka is sitting on a bench, in a park in Prague. The architecture of the city rises up around him, beautiful even in the slightly chilly air of spring. The trees are starting to bud, shoots of bulbs are appearing from the dirt, and everywhere he looks he can see young couples doing what only young couples will do, in a park in Prague.
His sister is a short distance away, looking after her son and one of his friends. They have gone to the playground, to play on the swings and slides. Radek is too old and too creaky to join them.
He does not like his sister's son. He finds him spoilt, and thoughtless, and worse - ignorant. He hopes he will grow out of this. His sister dotes on him, because she lost her first child before the baby was a week old, and he cannot blame her for being grateful for the second chance.
But her son, his nephew... demanding a present, wanting to examine the digital camcorder he had brought, wanting to pull it to pieces. Shouting over his mother, jostling passers-by when walking down the street, unable to sit still while watching a movie, a movie he had chosen. Some bright and cheaply made children's blockbuster that Radek had no time for.
He had dozed off in his cinema seat, and dreamt of stars streaming past the windows of a ship, and of the sound of waves against metal and glass.
The bench beneath him is slightly damp. He shifts slightly, as though he can escape the uncomfortable sensation. He is wearing a pair of jeans, something unheard of on Atlantis, and the material feels oddly bulky.
He cannot stop his mind from drifting back towards the work he has waiting for him on Atlantis. The reason he came to Earth was a valid one, but he remembers the task list pinned above his desk, and thinks of the experiments he could be running, the experiments he is missing while he idles time away on Earth.
His sister had threatened to take the laptop away from him, when he had arrived on her doorstep with the bag over his shoulder. Her sharp words had reminded him of McKay, and that thought had him handing the machine over without complaint, realising when he had made a mistake.
He did not want to be so consumed in his work as to abandon all personal relationships back on Earth. Even his relationship with his nephew.
There is a fountain in the centre of the park, and the benches cluster around it. As the water spray ebbs and rises, casting diamonds into the sky, Radek sees a boy and girl sitting on the bench directly opposite him.
She is no more than seventeen, and the boy no older. She has long, dark hair which hides her face, and the boy runs his fingers through them. Her legs lie over his, almost sitting his lap, her left arm slung over his shoulder and her right hand stroking his face.
They are oblivious to Radek watching them, oblivious to anything except each other.
He tries to remember the last time someone looked at him like that. It has been too long. Atlantis does not lend itself to relationships.
There is too much risk involved.
The couple kiss. Radek thinks of Sergeant Kate McIntyre and Doctor Simon Dubont, the source of all gossip in the city for several months. She seeing him under cover of darkness, trying to hide the relationship from her fellow soldiers and failing, badly. Him suddenly cheerful, a smile on his face, contrary to three years of grumbles and whining. Dubont almost had a worse reputation than McKay - almost, only because he was consistent, when with McKay the fear lay in the unexpected nature of his contempt. Then, almost overnight, the scientist had changed. Laughing, joking with his colleagues, offering to make coffee, helping overstretched colleagues with their work. Their relationship did not stay private for very long. Secretive smiles across the mess hall became lunch together, every day. McIntyre seen leaving Dubont's room in the early hours of the morning.
Zelenka had caught them unawares once. He had been driven out of the labs by an accidental chemical reaction that had sent plumes of thick, repulsive fumes into the air. Wanting relief, he had sought the nearest balcony, and opened the door to find Kate and Simon curled up together, watching the sunset. Simon's hand was stroking Kate's short hair.
Radek had apologised profusely, then left, red-faced and more embarrassed than them.
Two weeks later, while off-world, Kate had been swept up by a Wraith dart. She and the two soldiers she was with had not been seen since.
Someone nudges him. Radek is started by the action, and lifts his head to see his sister, a frown on her face.
"You look so serious, Radek. You should come, spend some time with the boys. Damek barely knows his uncle."
Radek follows her obediently. He glances one last time at the couple on the bench, so caught up in each other it is as though they have formed their own universe, and now choose it over any real world.
Some people do not return from Atlantis. There are times when Radek wonders whether it isn't easier if his nephew forgets him.
*
Lorne's brother lives in a basement flat, close to the bars of Chicago. He pays for location, not space or quality. The bedroom is also a makeshift gym, complete with treadmill and weights. Lorne's bed is made up on the couch, opposite a giant television screen and below a poster of Robert DeNiro. Since his divorce, George has embraced the bachelor lifestyle, despite being a decade too old for it.
He went to Iraq, the only place Lorne can think of as more dangerous than Atlantis. Was given an honourable discharge due to medical grounds, after taking a couple of bullets. Recovering from his injuries seemed to make him more determined to keep fit. Lorne wonders what he is trying to prove.
George slaps him on the back, beaming. "It's not a big pad, but it's good for me." Then he offers his brother a beer, cold from the fridge.
It has been over a year since Lorne last saw his brother. He hasn't changed, while Lorne himself feels older. He wonders if the feeling is temporary, an effect of the long journey back to Earth.
He takes a gulp from the beer bottle. The liquid is cold against his throat, and he remembers that this is one of the small things he has missed for the last year. Beer, and his brother.
They watch a football game. George puts his feet on an upturned beer crate, and they pass a bag of chips between them.
"They're doing good this season. They've moved up pretty quickly. I made fifty dollars on them the other week. What do you think of their offense this season?"
Lorne shrugs. "I haven't been keeping up."
"Seriously?" His brother reaches over and snags another chip. "You can't get the sports channels where you are?"
"Not exactly." Lorne can't tell his brother anything of Atlantis, even with the military connection. His brother accepts this, familiar with secrecy after a childhood spent growing up under their father. Military secrets are a family tradition.
"Besides," Lorne admits, ruefully, "I'm not sure it's really that interesting to me anymore."
"Are you kidding?" George's eyes are wide. He lightly punches his brother on the arm. "You had the magazines, shirts, posters - your room was a shrine, man."
He shrugs. "I was a kid. Besides, people change."
"Not that much." George swigs his beer. "So, what do you do for fun on your down time? If you get any?"
"We don't get much."
Lorne has brought his paints and easel with him, intending to travel to one of the national parks. He has plans to join up with a camping group, to sit beside a fire and paint the mountains at dusk.
George doesn't know that he paints. He doesn't think his brother will understand this.
George shakes his head. "Too bad. What about movies? Music?"
"Yeah, we get them. But usually a few months after the rest of the world."
On the television screen several commentators are arguing over a decision made by the referee. Lorne sees the passion in their faces, and tries to remember the last time he felt the same way about football.
He tries to change the subject, to engage his brother in something outside of the television.
"Are you still seeing Louise?"
"Nah. She got a job at a hospital on the west coast. Offer of a lifetime. She couldn't pass it up."
"You could have gone with her."
"I've got friends here. My job. Besides, she's a nice girl, but I didn't see long-term prospects."
"Do you ever?" Lorne asks. He intends it as a joke, but somehow his voice sounds more accusing than he intended, and a flicker of anger crosses his brother's face.
"You sound like mom."
"Sorry."
"There's no rush, Evan."
"I know," Lorne lies. "We get to enjoy ourselves."
He returns his gaze to the television screen. On Atlantis relationships are few and far between. Logically, Lorne can see the reasons why, but sometimes he wishes that things could be different. He wonders about when he'll get back to the dreams his mother had for him.
His brother made the same choices when he went to Iraq, but he doesn't seem to share the same doubts as Lorne.
On screen, one of the teams scores. Lorne isn't even sure which team is winning anymore.
He wonders how much he still has in common with his brother. Whether they know each other at all.
*
Sheppard is propping up a bar, somewhere in Denver. Ronon Dex lounges next to him, his third bottle of beer dangling from his fingers. The space is dark and badly lit, the shelves behind the bar lined with spirits, the floor sticky, the furniture battered and worn. There is a band on the stage at the end of the room, playing a laid-back blues track that Sheppard thinks he recognises from somewhere, once. It reminds him of his ex-wife.
"So this is what you do for fun?" Ronon asks, elbows resting on the bar.
Sheppard shrugs. "Sometimes. Are you bored?"
Ronon shrugs. "What else do you do?"
"Sport. Watch it. Play it. Shame we're not in time for the Superbowl."
"Huh."
The song finishes, and another takes its place. Sheppard finds himself tapping the beat out with his foot.
"What did you do on Sateda?"
"Trained."
"And that's it?"
"Sport."
Sheppard glances at him. "Sport? What are Satedan sports like?"
"Rough."
"Right."
Sheppard remembers trying to organise a baseball game aboard Atlantis. Ronon had enthusiastically volunteered. The game had ended, quickly, Lorne sporting a black eye, Sheppard a sprained wrist, and Lieutenant Mitchell had landed in the infirmary with mild concussion.
Baseball. He remembered thinking beforehand, how wrong could things go?
"They were good, though. Good for training. Anticipating an attack. Deflecting a targeted weapon."
Sheppard casts a glance towards the Satedan, but Ronon is looking away, towards the crowd.
The environment of the bar around him is comforting. Although he has never been here before, there is a familiarity to this place, to all places similar, that makes this almost feel like home to Sheppard. Suddenly he realises how little Ronon speaks of Sateda. How perhaps, to survive the pain of losing an entire world, it is better to bury memories, and not indulge in homesickness.
A man is coming towards them, shaven head and tattooed neck, clearly drunk. He sways as he walks, clearly oblivious to the crowd around him, wordlessly pushing past people as though they are shadows. He makes a move toward Sheppard and Ronon, almost falling, lunging for the bar between them. In the man's suddenness, Sheppard nearly tips over from his stool.
"Hey," Ronon growls, rising from his seat.
The drunk looks at him, glassy-eyed. "Yeah?"
There was a world of superstitious locals, who thought McKay's laptop was an evil spirit. They kidnapped the scientist, planning to sacrifice him, and thus appease their gods. They were an unusually short off-shoot of the human race, but had plenty of spears and daggers to compensate. Sheppard can still remember how it looked, seeing Ronon wading through the angry mob, carrying a drugged and semi-conscious Rodney over his shoulder.
The drunk doesn't have a chance.
Sheppard stands up, and puts a hand on his friend's elbow. "It's okay. It was just an accident." Then he moves to stand on the other side of Ronon, giving the drunk plenty of space.
Ronon growls, but takes his seat.
The sound of the band is soothing. Sheppard blanks out the drunk, and tries to regain the sense he felt before the unwanted interruption.
He wonders if they had bars like this on Sateda. He thinks about asking Ronon, but something about the dark look in his friend's eyes makes him stay quiet.
He can't imagine what it is like to lose a world. Even one as flawed as Earth.
*
Jello. Miko stares at the cups laid out in front of her, momentarily mesmerised by the colours and their subtle wobbling, caused by the minute vibrations running through the ship's hull.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
She turns, surprised. "Doctor Zelenka? A penny?"
"Sorry. It is a euphemism. Doctor Beckett used to say it." He reaches past her and takes one of the jello cups, a red one. Miko copies him, picking up a cup and putting it onto her tray next to a cheese sandwich and apple.
"What does it mean?"
"It is something you say when a person is appearing thoughtful. To encourage them to talk." He looks at her. "You seemed very thoughtful."
"Oh." Miko ducks her head and flushes. "Perhaps."
"Would you care to sit with me? Keep me company?"
She nods. Miko likes Doctor Zelenka. He is quieter and more restrained than Doctor McKay, but when his emotions soar Miko thinks his expressions are like fireworks - explosive, colourful, but harmless. He once saw her reading a book on Georg Cantor, and lent her a biography of his own, their interest shared.
They take the only spare table, close to the doorway. It is a busy period, and the air is full of the chatter of soldiers and scientists. Some are returning to Atlantis after leave; others are new to the mission, and are full of questions and curiousity. The room smells of baking; muffins and pastries cooked from the fresh ingredients the Daedalus carries.
Miko places her tray down onto the table, then takes her seat on the bench. Radek sits down opposite. He picks up his fork and starts eating the pasta bolognase he has picked. Miko nibbles at her sandwich, paying little attention to the food.
Over Radek's shoulder, towards the windows, she sees Doctor McKay. He is sitting with Sheppard and Ronon, Teyla on his left. Sheppard is talking, Ronon laughing, and Doctor McKay is glowering, clearly annoyed with his team mates' behaviour.
Radek looks over his shoulder, following her line of vision. "Rodney will not easily live this down."
Miko frowns. "I am not sure what you mean."
"Apparently, while visiting his sister, Rodney went to a theme park. He accompanied his niece on a rollercoaster, one suitable for children. His niece enjoyed the ride. Rodney..." Zelenka hesitates, smiling, "he did not."
"No?"
"According to his sister, Rodney got off the rollercoaster, and a moment later was throwing up into a bush. He claims it was food poisoning."
Miko laughs, despite her best efforts to keep quiet, and instantly covers her hand with her mouth. "That is terrible," she says, sombrely.
"Mm." Doctor Zelenka twirls spaghetti with his fork. "So, what did you do on Earth? No rollercoasters?"
"No. I do not like rollercoasters. They make me feel..." She pauses, her English temporarily failing her. Instead she raises her left hand, palm flat and fingers pressed together, and moves it through the air in swirls.
"Ah. I sympathise." He eats the pasta from his fork, then reaches out for the bread. "Did you see family?"
"Yes. My parents, and my brother and sisters."
"I imagine they were glad to see you."
Miko stares at her half-eaten sandwich. "Of course," she says, dully.
Radek looks up from his lunch. "You are not a very convincing liar."
"My family are not very..." she hesitates, "they do not relax. And it is hard. I have always loved computers. They do not understand that. My sisters, they are artists - they act, dance, sing, just like my mother. They are not like me."
"You do not like to sing?"
"I am not a singer," Miko emphasises. "And they are different from me. Elegant. Beautiful. My parents do not understand why I am not like them." She remembers the tension of the house, the way her mother greeted her with a long look, up and down, judging her. The way her father bowed. The way her brother still tries to live up to an ideal, and her sisters think of gossip and little else. "I feel sometimes that they disapprove of my choices."
Radek presses his lips together and frowns, but he says nothing.
Miko is glad. She does not want platitudes, and has to remind herself that this man is her superior. "I am sorry, Doctor Zelenka. I am sure you do not want to hear of my family."
"My sister has a son," Zelenka says, as though she has not spoken. "She married young. Her husband is a good man, but my nephew is spoilt. My sister and I, we always fight when I tell this to her. I wonder, sometimes, if I fight with her because I am jealous of her."
Miko looks away, down to her lunch. She feels as though she is intruding, and does not know what to say.
"We work aboard Atlantis. We grow old here, pursuing our experiments, and new discoveries. We grow old, and life on Earth goes on without us, without noticing our absence."
"Our work is important," she says, feeling defensive.
"Of course. And I would not swap this, this mission and these people, for anything on Earth." Zelenka puts down his fork, and glances behind him, back at McKay and the others. "But we cannot tell anyone, we cannot share this with anyone from home. Rodney does not realise how fortunate he is, to have someone he can confide in, someone removed from all this."
"His sister?" Miko asks. She glimpsed Doctor McKay's sister, briefly, on her last visit. She remembers the other programmers whispering, commenting on the woman's likeness to her brother.
"Rodney has someone to connect him to Earth." Doctor Zelenka shrugs, and starts to peel back the lid from his jello cup. "Whereas I, I wonder sometimes where my home is - here, or Earth. I think perhaps here. And at times, when I think about what I might be missing..." He lapses into silence.
Miko bites her lip, thinking of her family. She remembers the way her mother came into her bedroom, while Miko sat on the end of the bed, and her mother started to brush her hair, pulling out the tangles.
"Are there no men where you work, Miko?"
"I love my family," she says, quietly. "But you are right. Atlantis is home."
"And that is frightening." It is a statement, not a question. "It is not what you expected."
"No."
There is another round of explosive laughter from the group behind them. Colonel Sheppard is spluttering, and Ronon smacks him across the back, while Teyla and McKay look on despairingly.
"Perhaps things will change," Radek says, thoughtfully. "Perhaps one day the details of what we do here will be released to the world. Then, I am sure, your parents will be very proud."
Miko nods, offering a small smile. "And then we can reconnect with Earth, and normal life."
"Normal life." Radek laughs. "I am not sure I want a normal life." He finishes his jello, scraping the cup out with his spoon, before putting it back down on the tray. "I am afraid I will have to leave you to finish eating alone. I must return to the lab."
"You have work to do?"
"I always have work to do. But yes, I am working on something urgent." He picks up his tray, but pauses before turning away, meeting Miko's gaze. "We may not be able to tell anyone on Earth of what we do, but we are not alone."
"No." She returns his gaze, feeling a flush of warmth across her cheeks. "This is true."
"Thank you for lunch, Doctor Kusanagi." He bows slightly, then walks away.
Miko finishes her lunch, watching Doctor McKay and his team. She mulls over Doctor Zelenka's words, and has to quell a feeling of jealousy towards Doctor McKay and his relationship with his sister.
She wishes she had the same connection to her old life on Earth.
Then, Miko thinks, perhaps Radek is right. She does not want her old life. She loves her family, but she does not want to still be the daughter or the sister they think she still is.
Doctor McKay's team are on the move. Colonel's Sheppard and Ronon are walking towards the door, and exchange greetings with Lorne, who is just entering.
For a moment, Miko wonders whether anyone other than her has the same feelings of alienation when they return to Earth.
Silly, she thinks, getting up from her seat. Earth is her home.
Miko decides to go back to her quarters, to write a letter to her mother, before returning to work.