Intelligence Received (J. Flan's Twitter Challenge) (by mific)
Title: Intelligence Received
Author/Artist: mific
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: G for the text. R for the not entirely worksafe pic.
Genre: crack
Wordcount: 504
Medium: photoshop manip/art
Summary: It may be going too far to refer to this as "intelligence"
=======================
From: Maj. E. Lorne, Alpha Site
To: Gen. J. O'Neill, SGC
Subject: Intelligence Received
Further to Standing Order K384 regarding "Gateship Theft and Desertion of Lt. Col. J. Sheppard and Co-conspirators"
The attached graphic file was received via a flashdrive brought by local Pegasus traders who provide supplies for the Alpha Site base. Said traders stated that a heavily cloaked man approached them at the market on Gendai and paid them to deliver the drive. I am afraid that there is no possibility of tracing the source, as the market is seasonal and has now dispersed.
As I have been instructed to forward all intelligence received regarding Standing Order K384, I am relaying the graphic found on the drive. It may be going too far to refer to this as "intelligence", but I trust that you will forward it on to the relevant parties.
An audio file was also found on the drive and is attached. The transcript follows. (I have attached names to the voices as I and other officers here are confident that we have identified them accurately, from past experience)
- Maj. E. Lorne
[start of transcript]
[Mckay]: Why do I have to clean twice as much sharpie off my ass as you two, huh?
[Sheppard]: Because there's twice as much room on your ass, Rodney.
[McKay]: *spluttering noise* I'll have you know I've got very sensitive skin, and it's still smarting from where you ripped the damn duct tape off, you sadist. *muffled sounds of a scuffle*. Oh, wait, the thing's recording now. So, um, hi there, Lorne. Hope you're all doing okay. If you hear from Teyla, tell her we're fine and we'll see her and Torren, ah, at the usual place... *more scuffling*
[Sheppard]: Jeez, Rodney, could you sound any more like a bad spy movie?
[McKay]: Oh, pardon me for not being cool enough for you, Colonel. Anyway, Lorne, send our little postcard on to the IOA, okay? And tell them we're having a lovely time and we don't wish they were here. Yes, yes, Colonel Grabby, your turn now.
[Sheppard]: Hi Lorne, sorry about that. What can I say, we need him for tech support. *scuffling noises*
[McKay]: Hey! Who saved your ungrateful hides when the jumper took a hit last week? The resident genius, that's who. Ouch! *sound of a slap to the back of the head*
[Sheppard]: Yeah, yeah. Look, Lorne, I'll keep this short. Things are kinda hot right now, but when it's settled down a bit we'll be back in touch. Maybe we can share some intel. Hey, big guy. Anything you want to say to the nice folks at the Alpha Site?
[Dex]: Send more beer.
[Sheppard]: Yeah, what he said.
[McKay]: And tell Sam I said hi.
[end of transcript]
=======================
From: Gen. J. O'Neill, SGC
To: Maj. E. Lorne, Alpha Site
Subject: Re: Intelligence Received
Information forwarded as requested. Trust you can take care of the other issue. Have doubled your Bud allotment in next supply shipment.
- O’Neill out
=======================
Author/Artist: mific
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: G for the text. R for the not entirely worksafe pic.
Genre: crack
Wordcount: 504
Medium: photoshop manip/art
Summary: It may be going too far to refer to this as "intelligence"
=======================
From: Maj. E. Lorne, Alpha Site
To: Gen. J. O'Neill, SGC
Subject: Intelligence Received
Further to Standing Order K384 regarding "Gateship Theft and Desertion of Lt. Col. J. Sheppard and Co-conspirators"
The attached graphic file was received via a flashdrive brought by local Pegasus traders who provide supplies for the Alpha Site base. Said traders stated that a heavily cloaked man approached them at the market on Gendai and paid them to deliver the drive. I am afraid that there is no possibility of tracing the source, as the market is seasonal and has now dispersed.
As I have been instructed to forward all intelligence received regarding Standing Order K384, I am relaying the graphic found on the drive. It may be going too far to refer to this as "intelligence", but I trust that you will forward it on to the relevant parties.
An audio file was also found on the drive and is attached. The transcript follows. (I have attached names to the voices as I and other officers here are confident that we have identified them accurately, from past experience)
- Maj. E. Lorne
[start of transcript]
[Mckay]: Why do I have to clean twice as much sharpie off my ass as you two, huh?
[Sheppard]: Because there's twice as much room on your ass, Rodney.
[McKay]: *spluttering noise* I'll have you know I've got very sensitive skin, and it's still smarting from where you ripped the damn duct tape off, you sadist. *muffled sounds of a scuffle*. Oh, wait, the thing's recording now. So, um, hi there, Lorne. Hope you're all doing okay. If you hear from Teyla, tell her we're fine and we'll see her and Torren, ah, at the usual place... *more scuffling*
[Sheppard]: Jeez, Rodney, could you sound any more like a bad spy movie?
[McKay]: Oh, pardon me for not being cool enough for you, Colonel. Anyway, Lorne, send our little postcard on to the IOA, okay? And tell them we're having a lovely time and we don't wish they were here. Yes, yes, Colonel Grabby, your turn now.
[Sheppard]: Hi Lorne, sorry about that. What can I say, we need him for tech support. *scuffling noises*
[McKay]: Hey! Who saved your ungrateful hides when the jumper took a hit last week? The resident genius, that's who. Ouch! *sound of a slap to the back of the head*
[Sheppard]: Yeah, yeah. Look, Lorne, I'll keep this short. Things are kinda hot right now, but when it's settled down a bit we'll be back in touch. Maybe we can share some intel. Hey, big guy. Anything you want to say to the nice folks at the Alpha Site?
[Dex]: Send more beer.
[Sheppard]: Yeah, what he said.
[McKay]: And tell Sam I said hi.
[end of transcript]
=======================
From: Gen. J. O'Neill, SGC
To: Maj. E. Lorne, Alpha Site
Subject: Re: Intelligence Received
Information forwarded as requested. Trust you can take care of the other issue. Have doubled your Bud allotment in next supply shipment.
- O’Neill out
=======================