The Most Famous (Four) Reindeer of All [Animals Challenge, Amnesty 2008]
Title: The Most Famous (Four) Reindeer of All
Author: darkrosetiger
Pairings/Characters: Team AR-1
Rating: PG
Length: ~885 words
Summary: The one where they're Santa's reindeer.
Warnings: Crackfic like a big cracky thing that's cracktastic.
Disclaimer: SGA = NOT MINE
Notes: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. And Presents. And Ham.
John had to admit that the timing on Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph all coming down with stomach flu on Christmas Eve was a little suspicious, but Rodney insisted it wasn't his fault, and honestly, it wasn't really his style.
"Are you sure we can handle it with just the four of us?" he asked. Rodney shook his head impatiently, dislodging the elf who was trying to put bells on his antlers.
"Ronon's big enough for three of those other idiots. You and Teyla are both faster, and God knows I'm smarter. Plus, the Fat Man's actually stuck to his diet this year. And I figured out the most efficient route that will let us cover as much ground as possible without having to backtrack." He nosed a sheaf of Google Maps printouts toward John. "Oh, never mind--you have no sense of direction. Teyla, will you take a look at these?"
Teyla looked up from nuzzling her calf, Torren, and trotted over. "This is very thorough, Rodney. I am sure it will be most helpful." Rodney preened just a little.
"How'd you get the computer to work with your hooves?" Ronon rumbled, peering over Rodney's shoulder.
"I...um...I had help." Rodney tried to look innocent, which never worked. He sighed.
"All right, fine. I flirted with what's-her-name, the new little blond elf, and got her to use her opposable thumbs on my behalf."
"Rodney, it is not fair to lead her on like that," Teyla said, although she had her head tilted to the side in that way she did when she was trying not to laugh.
"Oh please--she just thinks I'm cute and fuzzy and likes to pet me." Rodney shook his head, making the bells jingle.
"She likes to pet everyone." Ronon sounded a little resentful; John remembered that for a while, he'd been that elf's--Jennifer?--favorite. John gave him a comforting nuzzle.
"All right--thanks. I guess I'll have to try it with these guys." The current Santa, Nicholas "Jack" Claus, snapped his cell phone shut as he came into the stables, glaring at the four reindeer. "I called everywhere, but I can't find any professional flying reindeer on short notice, so you guys are it. I hope you can handle it."
"Oh, please. Considering the "No Nog Before the 24th" rule had to be put in because Donner's such a fucking lush, and all of Shiny's brain cells go to power his radioactive nose, we can't possibly be any worse than the usual herd of morons," Rodney said. When Jack just stared at him (1600 years, and he still couldn't speak Reindeer), Rodney sighed and went over to dig something out of his stall. He came back with a box held carefully between his teeth and dropped it at Jack's feet.
"What's this? Did you get me a present, boy?"
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Can you even read English? It says right on the box!"
"You got him a GPS?" Ronon said, laughing.
"Well, Nose-Boy managed to get lost last year, and it's not like John has anything resembling a sense of direction--"
"On the ground," John pointed out, pawing the stable floor irritably. "I'm fine when I'm in the air, which, you know, natural habitat for a flying reindeer."
Rodney tossed his head. "Well anyway. Here, you should take this." He nosed something over to John. "You can hold it in your teeth. Between the GPS, the mag light, and your rather...distinctive antlers, even this guy should be able to follow you, and we'll be back before everyone else has gotten all of the Christmas mash."
"You do know that they save something special for the flight crew, right?" Ronon pointed out as he pranced over to the sleigh harness. John gave him an appreciative look. On most other bulls, a rack that big would have looked like overcompensation, but Ronon carried off his impressive antlers and looked good doing it.
"Oh..." Rodney let Teyla take the spot behind Ronon and claimed the last position for himself. "All the same. We have a lot of ground to cover in one night, so we should get started."
"Absolutely." John trotted into place at the head of the team, standing patiently while the stable-elf geared him up. "There are millions of kids waiting for their presents, and we're not going to let them down."
Jack finished padding his tummy--health concerns or not, the guy in the red suit had to look the part--settled into the sleigh and picked up the reins. John glanced over his shoulder and couldn't help feeling a bit nervous; the thing had to weigh a fucking ton. At the same time....this is what he'd been born for, what he never thought he'd actually have a chance to do outside of training runs.
"Right..." Jack cleared his throat. "Now! Rodney! now Teyla! now Ronon and John! To the top of the porch, yadda, yadda, yadda, let's do this thing!"
John gathered his haunches and leapt. Behind him, first Ronon, then Teyla and Rodney became airborne. The heavy sleigh felt like nothing. The air was crisp and cold, with just a light snowfall that felt good in John's fur.
"Okay!" yelled Rodney. "First stop, Provideniya, Russia! Some serious dashing to do; no time to waste!"
John had to laugh. This was awesome.
-end-
Author: darkrosetiger
Pairings/Characters: Team AR-1
Rating: PG
Length: ~885 words
Summary: The one where they're Santa's reindeer.
Warnings: Crackfic like a big cracky thing that's cracktastic.
Disclaimer: SGA = NOT MINE
Notes: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. And Presents. And Ham.
John had to admit that the timing on Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph all coming down with stomach flu on Christmas Eve was a little suspicious, but Rodney insisted it wasn't his fault, and honestly, it wasn't really his style.
"Are you sure we can handle it with just the four of us?" he asked. Rodney shook his head impatiently, dislodging the elf who was trying to put bells on his antlers.
"Ronon's big enough for three of those other idiots. You and Teyla are both faster, and God knows I'm smarter. Plus, the Fat Man's actually stuck to his diet this year. And I figured out the most efficient route that will let us cover as much ground as possible without having to backtrack." He nosed a sheaf of Google Maps printouts toward John. "Oh, never mind--you have no sense of direction. Teyla, will you take a look at these?"
Teyla looked up from nuzzling her calf, Torren, and trotted over. "This is very thorough, Rodney. I am sure it will be most helpful." Rodney preened just a little.
"How'd you get the computer to work with your hooves?" Ronon rumbled, peering over Rodney's shoulder.
"I...um...I had help." Rodney tried to look innocent, which never worked. He sighed.
"All right, fine. I flirted with what's-her-name, the new little blond elf, and got her to use her opposable thumbs on my behalf."
"Rodney, it is not fair to lead her on like that," Teyla said, although she had her head tilted to the side in that way she did when she was trying not to laugh.
"Oh please--she just thinks I'm cute and fuzzy and likes to pet me." Rodney shook his head, making the bells jingle.
"She likes to pet everyone." Ronon sounded a little resentful; John remembered that for a while, he'd been that elf's--Jennifer?--favorite. John gave him a comforting nuzzle.
"All right--thanks. I guess I'll have to try it with these guys." The current Santa, Nicholas "Jack" Claus, snapped his cell phone shut as he came into the stables, glaring at the four reindeer. "I called everywhere, but I can't find any professional flying reindeer on short notice, so you guys are it. I hope you can handle it."
"Oh, please. Considering the "No Nog Before the 24th" rule had to be put in because Donner's such a fucking lush, and all of Shiny's brain cells go to power his radioactive nose, we can't possibly be any worse than the usual herd of morons," Rodney said. When Jack just stared at him (1600 years, and he still couldn't speak Reindeer), Rodney sighed and went over to dig something out of his stall. He came back with a box held carefully between his teeth and dropped it at Jack's feet.
"What's this? Did you get me a present, boy?"
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Can you even read English? It says right on the box!"
"You got him a GPS?" Ronon said, laughing.
"Well, Nose-Boy managed to get lost last year, and it's not like John has anything resembling a sense of direction--"
"On the ground," John pointed out, pawing the stable floor irritably. "I'm fine when I'm in the air, which, you know, natural habitat for a flying reindeer."
Rodney tossed his head. "Well anyway. Here, you should take this." He nosed something over to John. "You can hold it in your teeth. Between the GPS, the mag light, and your rather...distinctive antlers, even this guy should be able to follow you, and we'll be back before everyone else has gotten all of the Christmas mash."
"You do know that they save something special for the flight crew, right?" Ronon pointed out as he pranced over to the sleigh harness. John gave him an appreciative look. On most other bulls, a rack that big would have looked like overcompensation, but Ronon carried off his impressive antlers and looked good doing it.
"Oh..." Rodney let Teyla take the spot behind Ronon and claimed the last position for himself. "All the same. We have a lot of ground to cover in one night, so we should get started."
"Absolutely." John trotted into place at the head of the team, standing patiently while the stable-elf geared him up. "There are millions of kids waiting for their presents, and we're not going to let them down."
Jack finished padding his tummy--health concerns or not, the guy in the red suit had to look the part--settled into the sleigh and picked up the reins. John glanced over his shoulder and couldn't help feeling a bit nervous; the thing had to weigh a fucking ton. At the same time....this is what he'd been born for, what he never thought he'd actually have a chance to do outside of training runs.
"Right..." Jack cleared his throat. "Now! Rodney! now Teyla! now Ronon and John! To the top of the porch, yadda, yadda, yadda, let's do this thing!"
John gathered his haunches and leapt. Behind him, first Ronon, then Teyla and Rodney became airborne. The heavy sleigh felt like nothing. The air was crisp and cold, with just a light snowfall that felt good in John's fur.
"Okay!" yelled Rodney. "First stop, Provideniya, Russia! Some serious dashing to do; no time to waste!"
John had to laugh. This was awesome.
-end-