First Responder (First Aid Challenge) by slybrarian
Title: First Responder (First Aid Challenge)
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Characters: gen-ish with implied Sheppard/Lorne, Lorne/McKay
Words: 2000
Series: Dramatic Exit, but reading the rest is not required.
Summary: Five times Evan Lorne gave (something almost, but not entirely unlike) first aid.
Notes: Very tiny spoilers for 4x20, so small they're barely noticeable.
1) John
"I told you it was a bad idea," Evan said as John pulled off his t-shirt and tossed it aside, wincing in the process. His pants followed a moment later.
"It was fun," John replied. He flopped down on Evan's bed and spread out on his belly, hiding another wince as he did so.
"Not so much fun now, is it?" Evan asked. He had already stripped down to his briefs and now he climbed up on the bed to straddle John's slim waist. John only grunted in reply and Evan shook his head, knowing that was as close to agreement as he was likely to get anytime soon. He placed his hands at the small of John's back and began to gently press and knead the tense muscles there.
"I'm just saying, you're not as young as you used to be, sir," Evan pointed out. "Just because Ronon and Corporal Venner can still play Tarzan doesn't mean it's a good idea for you do the same."
"You don't have a lot of room to talk, you know," John mumbled into the pillow, too tired to work up any real indignation.
"Unlike you, I can recognize my limitations, which is why I gracefully declined."
"A CO has to show he's willing to do anything he'd ask his men to do."
"You're the last person who needs to do anything of the sort, and I doubt dislocating your shoulder would have been a good demonstration."
"Eh. I didn't, so it's all good."
"I know you spar a lot, but you really should consider coming to Doctor Simpson's yoga classes. It wouldn't be hard to fit them into your schedule."
"Yoga?" came John's incredulous reply. "Don't tell me you do yoga, Lorne."
"I haven't heard you complaining about how flexible I am," Evan said with a wry grin. He placed his hand on John's sore shoulder and added, "Hold still."
"What are you - fuck, ow, ow, ow - oh, hey, that's better."
"That's pretty much the point, sir."
2) Satterfield
"Look, sir, I really don't know how I happened," Captain Satterfield said, her voice tense with barely-controlled panic. "One moment they were there, I turned around for a minute, and then..."
She waved at the scene before them, and Evan sighed. "Yeah, I get the picture. Don't worry about it."
"Don't worry about it? Sir, I lost the rest of my team! I don't even know where Ronon is! He could be miles from here by now! And the Colonel and Doctor McKay are, are -" Words failed her at that point and she waved again.
"Hey, that means we do know where two-thirds of them are," Evan pointed out cheerfully. "That's half the battle. We'll figure out how to fix things in no time."
"That really doesn't help, sir."
"No one blames you for what happened, captain. This sort of thing happens. There's a reason Teyla and I both warned you before letting you go off-world with them," Evan said in his best soothing tone, trying his best to clamp down on the laughter that kept threatening to boil up. "I can guarantee Colonel Sheppard won't hold this against you. Right, sir?"
A few yards away, John glanced their way and barked happily. Then he went back to staring into the tree above him and barked again, getting an angry hiss in reply. Even if John was one to hold a grudge - well, a grudge about this sort of thing, as opposed to one of his scary killer grudges - Evan suspected that Satterfield would have nothing to fear, because he'd be too busy hiding from McKay to act on it.
3) Teyla
"Thank you again for doing this, Evan," Teyla said. "It means a great deal to me."
"It's not a problem at all, Teyla," he replied. "You definitely deserve some rest after the last month."
"It has been trying, but rewarding none the less. I would not give it up." She glanced at the sleeping boy in his arms and smiled softly. "Still, it will be nice to have a day to regain my strength."
"I can imagine."
"I must admit that I have been looking forward to this day ever since you offered to watch him for me," Teyla said. She gave him a bemused and weary look. "The others have said they would take him as well, but while I would trust them with his life -"
"- it would all end in tears before within a couple of hours," Evan finished with a smile. "McKay would panic at the first cry, and while John and Ronon can face down Wraith they wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do about a dirty diaper."
Teyla laughed. "Precisely. For grown men, they have some very odd shortcomings regarding the basic necessities of life."
Evan laughed as well. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad John's going to have to learn now instead of when we go through it ourselves."
"I will not begrudge you that." Teyla glanced at the door and after a moment said, "I should be going. I am meeting Doctor Keller for lunch."
She didn't make a move to actually leave, though, and Evan grinned. "Go on. We'll be fine."
"Of course." Teyla stepped closer and briefly touched her forehead to his, and then finally left with only one last look over her shoulder.
4) John again... more or less
"Hah! We totally kicked their asses," John said over the ship-to-ship link.
Under the circumstances, Evan had to agree. Yes, it felt like his body was bruised, bloodied, and exhausted, and yes, the gaps where the destroyed portion of his interceptor squadrons should have been felt a lot like missing teeth, but ultimately none of that mattered. What did matter was that two hive ships and their accompanying cruisers had been destroyed before even a single dart had made planetfall and attacked the half-million defenseless civilians below, and moreover not a single Wraith ship had been able to escape. Compared to that, some superficial damage to Fearless, the loss of a few dozen unmanned attack craft, and the expenditure of a truly unholy amount of ordinance was nothing at all.
Of course, the other member of the two-ship task force hadn't come out as unscathed as Evan had, but given the way Enterprise had charged into the middle of the Wraith fleet that was probably to be expected.
"That we did, sir," Evan replied. "How are you doing over there?"
"I'm fine. You?"
Evan would have rolled his eyes, if he'd still had eyes. "I'm peachy. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Of course I am," John said, easy and laid back as ever. "Why?"
"Because I can see that you're missing your dorsal heavy turret," Evan told him.
"Oh, that. Yeah, had to jettison it after the magazine took a hit."
"And it looks like all six of the phased laser arrays on your starboard broadside are melted," Evan went on, his tone getting increasingly pointed.
"What can I say? Apparently they don't like being pushed past two hundred percent rated output."
"There's a hole in your flight pod."
"Just a flesh wound."
"I can see straight through to the other side of the ship. You want any help?"
"I suppose that a little assistance wouldn't hurt, if you insist," John said, a hint of laughter in his voice as if he was just humoring Evan. "My main fabber happened to be where that hole is, so I guess that would make self repair a little tricky."
"I'll be there in a second," Evan said, already slowing Fearless to match velocities with Enterprise so he could get in closer. "I should have enough trinium and titanium to at least patch the breach and replace the main structural members, enough to get you home and to a proper drydock."
"Sounds good to me."
"All right. Beginning approach maneuver. I'll dock on the port side, it looks a little less broken."
"Dock? You know, Evan, there's a time and a place for everything, Lorne, but this isn't it."
"What?" Evan slid closer and began extending the docking tube towards the waiting port... oh.
"Normally I'm not one to complain about a little post-battle celebration," John continued on with a cheeky tone, "but we really should get repairs done before we try anything that creative."
"Sheppard?"
"Lorne?"
"Shut up."
5) Rodney
"Okay. Okay. Try not to panic. We're going to be fine," McKay said, his voice quavering just a little as he paced to and fro.
From where he sat at the other side of the (slightly unstable) Ancient outpost's small control room, Evan looked up and calmly said, "I'm not panicking."
"Good, good. That's very good." Four steps to the left, stop, turn, four steps right, stop, turn. "I mean, the sensors say this part of the building is still stable, so all we need to do is wait for the engineers to clear the corridor and we'll be fine."
Evan thought about reminding McKay that it was him with the degree in civil engineering, but decided it really wouldn't help the situation and so decided against it. Instead he nodded in agreement, and after taking a deep breath he said, "That's exactly what I told you a couple of minutes ago. It was just that one lab, they'll have us out in no time. Maybe an hour, at worst."
McKay managed to stay quiet for a few minutes, before suddenly stopping mid-pace and turning pale. "Oh god. I wonder if we're still getting fresh air?"
"There's a breeze from the vent, McKay, which you would notice if you would pay attention for a minute instead of imagining new ways to die." Evan couldn't help the growl that crept into his voice.
"Excuse me for having a bit of anxiety after a building exploded and trapped me in a small space," McKay snapped while aiming a fierce glare down at Evan. "With you. Again."
"Because you pushed the wrong button," Evan snapped back. "Again."
"Hey, it is not my fault at all. How was I supposed to know it that equipment would blow up?" McKay suddenly turned to face the line of computers along the wall behind him. "Wait a second. What if this is going to blow up too?"
"It hasn't exploded yet, so I bet it's not going to anytime soon," Evan said. He could already feel a headache coming on, one that had nothing to do with explosions or collapsing hallways.
McKay ignored him and threw himself into one of the ancient chairs sitting in front of the controls and nearly tipped it over. He began to frantically pressed the keys while staring at the screens. "Okay, you're right, this one isn't going to blow up, there's nothing in it to blow up. But who knows what else around here could blow up?"
"Could you at least shut up so I could take a nap?"
"What? No. Let's see, there has to be a power source somewhere, and if it's naquadah-based we could all be vaporized in an instant if something went wrong, so..."
As McKay continued to talk to himself, Evan sighed and got to his knees. Clearly trying to use reason wasn't going to stop McKay from panicking, so it was time to implement Emergency McKay Quieting Plan 1. Or was it Plan 2? The one that John had suggest but didn't involve duct tape. Evan crawled the few feet to get behind McKay's chair, not being noticed by the oblivious scientist until he grabbed the back on the chair and spun it around.
"What are you doing?" McKay squawked. Evan didn't reply, just started to unbutton McKay's fly with the single-minded attention of a desperate man. "Hey, bad touch, bad - ah. Um. Okay, that's unexpect - oh."
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Characters: gen-ish with implied Sheppard/Lorne, Lorne/McKay
Words: 2000
Series: Dramatic Exit, but reading the rest is not required.
Summary: Five times Evan Lorne gave (something almost, but not entirely unlike) first aid.
Notes: Very tiny spoilers for 4x20, so small they're barely noticeable.
1) John
"I told you it was a bad idea," Evan said as John pulled off his t-shirt and tossed it aside, wincing in the process. His pants followed a moment later.
"It was fun," John replied. He flopped down on Evan's bed and spread out on his belly, hiding another wince as he did so.
"Not so much fun now, is it?" Evan asked. He had already stripped down to his briefs and now he climbed up on the bed to straddle John's slim waist. John only grunted in reply and Evan shook his head, knowing that was as close to agreement as he was likely to get anytime soon. He placed his hands at the small of John's back and began to gently press and knead the tense muscles there.
"I'm just saying, you're not as young as you used to be, sir," Evan pointed out. "Just because Ronon and Corporal Venner can still play Tarzan doesn't mean it's a good idea for you do the same."
"You don't have a lot of room to talk, you know," John mumbled into the pillow, too tired to work up any real indignation.
"Unlike you, I can recognize my limitations, which is why I gracefully declined."
"A CO has to show he's willing to do anything he'd ask his men to do."
"You're the last person who needs to do anything of the sort, and I doubt dislocating your shoulder would have been a good demonstration."
"Eh. I didn't, so it's all good."
"I know you spar a lot, but you really should consider coming to Doctor Simpson's yoga classes. It wouldn't be hard to fit them into your schedule."
"Yoga?" came John's incredulous reply. "Don't tell me you do yoga, Lorne."
"I haven't heard you complaining about how flexible I am," Evan said with a wry grin. He placed his hand on John's sore shoulder and added, "Hold still."
"What are you - fuck, ow, ow, ow - oh, hey, that's better."
"That's pretty much the point, sir."
2) Satterfield
"Look, sir, I really don't know how I happened," Captain Satterfield said, her voice tense with barely-controlled panic. "One moment they were there, I turned around for a minute, and then..."
She waved at the scene before them, and Evan sighed. "Yeah, I get the picture. Don't worry about it."
"Don't worry about it? Sir, I lost the rest of my team! I don't even know where Ronon is! He could be miles from here by now! And the Colonel and Doctor McKay are, are -" Words failed her at that point and she waved again.
"Hey, that means we do know where two-thirds of them are," Evan pointed out cheerfully. "That's half the battle. We'll figure out how to fix things in no time."
"That really doesn't help, sir."
"No one blames you for what happened, captain. This sort of thing happens. There's a reason Teyla and I both warned you before letting you go off-world with them," Evan said in his best soothing tone, trying his best to clamp down on the laughter that kept threatening to boil up. "I can guarantee Colonel Sheppard won't hold this against you. Right, sir?"
A few yards away, John glanced their way and barked happily. Then he went back to staring into the tree above him and barked again, getting an angry hiss in reply. Even if John was one to hold a grudge - well, a grudge about this sort of thing, as opposed to one of his scary killer grudges - Evan suspected that Satterfield would have nothing to fear, because he'd be too busy hiding from McKay to act on it.
3) Teyla
"Thank you again for doing this, Evan," Teyla said. "It means a great deal to me."
"It's not a problem at all, Teyla," he replied. "You definitely deserve some rest after the last month."
"It has been trying, but rewarding none the less. I would not give it up." She glanced at the sleeping boy in his arms and smiled softly. "Still, it will be nice to have a day to regain my strength."
"I can imagine."
"I must admit that I have been looking forward to this day ever since you offered to watch him for me," Teyla said. She gave him a bemused and weary look. "The others have said they would take him as well, but while I would trust them with his life -"
"- it would all end in tears before within a couple of hours," Evan finished with a smile. "McKay would panic at the first cry, and while John and Ronon can face down Wraith they wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do about a dirty diaper."
Teyla laughed. "Precisely. For grown men, they have some very odd shortcomings regarding the basic necessities of life."
Evan laughed as well. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad John's going to have to learn now instead of when we go through it ourselves."
"I will not begrudge you that." Teyla glanced at the door and after a moment said, "I should be going. I am meeting Doctor Keller for lunch."
She didn't make a move to actually leave, though, and Evan grinned. "Go on. We'll be fine."
"Of course." Teyla stepped closer and briefly touched her forehead to his, and then finally left with only one last look over her shoulder.
4) John again... more or less
"Hah! We totally kicked their asses," John said over the ship-to-ship link.
Under the circumstances, Evan had to agree. Yes, it felt like his body was bruised, bloodied, and exhausted, and yes, the gaps where the destroyed portion of his interceptor squadrons should have been felt a lot like missing teeth, but ultimately none of that mattered. What did matter was that two hive ships and their accompanying cruisers had been destroyed before even a single dart had made planetfall and attacked the half-million defenseless civilians below, and moreover not a single Wraith ship had been able to escape. Compared to that, some superficial damage to Fearless, the loss of a few dozen unmanned attack craft, and the expenditure of a truly unholy amount of ordinance was nothing at all.
Of course, the other member of the two-ship task force hadn't come out as unscathed as Evan had, but given the way Enterprise had charged into the middle of the Wraith fleet that was probably to be expected.
"That we did, sir," Evan replied. "How are you doing over there?"
"I'm fine. You?"
Evan would have rolled his eyes, if he'd still had eyes. "I'm peachy. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Of course I am," John said, easy and laid back as ever. "Why?"
"Because I can see that you're missing your dorsal heavy turret," Evan told him.
"Oh, that. Yeah, had to jettison it after the magazine took a hit."
"And it looks like all six of the phased laser arrays on your starboard broadside are melted," Evan went on, his tone getting increasingly pointed.
"What can I say? Apparently they don't like being pushed past two hundred percent rated output."
"There's a hole in your flight pod."
"Just a flesh wound."
"I can see straight through to the other side of the ship. You want any help?"
"I suppose that a little assistance wouldn't hurt, if you insist," John said, a hint of laughter in his voice as if he was just humoring Evan. "My main fabber happened to be where that hole is, so I guess that would make self repair a little tricky."
"I'll be there in a second," Evan said, already slowing Fearless to match velocities with Enterprise so he could get in closer. "I should have enough trinium and titanium to at least patch the breach and replace the main structural members, enough to get you home and to a proper drydock."
"Sounds good to me."
"All right. Beginning approach maneuver. I'll dock on the port side, it looks a little less broken."
"Dock? You know, Evan, there's a time and a place for everything, Lorne, but this isn't it."
"What?" Evan slid closer and began extending the docking tube towards the waiting port... oh.
"Normally I'm not one to complain about a little post-battle celebration," John continued on with a cheeky tone, "but we really should get repairs done before we try anything that creative."
"Sheppard?"
"Lorne?"
"Shut up."
5) Rodney
"Okay. Okay. Try not to panic. We're going to be fine," McKay said, his voice quavering just a little as he paced to and fro.
From where he sat at the other side of the (slightly unstable) Ancient outpost's small control room, Evan looked up and calmly said, "I'm not panicking."
"Good, good. That's very good." Four steps to the left, stop, turn, four steps right, stop, turn. "I mean, the sensors say this part of the building is still stable, so all we need to do is wait for the engineers to clear the corridor and we'll be fine."
Evan thought about reminding McKay that it was him with the degree in civil engineering, but decided it really wouldn't help the situation and so decided against it. Instead he nodded in agreement, and after taking a deep breath he said, "That's exactly what I told you a couple of minutes ago. It was just that one lab, they'll have us out in no time. Maybe an hour, at worst."
McKay managed to stay quiet for a few minutes, before suddenly stopping mid-pace and turning pale. "Oh god. I wonder if we're still getting fresh air?"
"There's a breeze from the vent, McKay, which you would notice if you would pay attention for a minute instead of imagining new ways to die." Evan couldn't help the growl that crept into his voice.
"Excuse me for having a bit of anxiety after a building exploded and trapped me in a small space," McKay snapped while aiming a fierce glare down at Evan. "With you. Again."
"Because you pushed the wrong button," Evan snapped back. "Again."
"Hey, it is not my fault at all. How was I supposed to know it that equipment would blow up?" McKay suddenly turned to face the line of computers along the wall behind him. "Wait a second. What if this is going to blow up too?"
"It hasn't exploded yet, so I bet it's not going to anytime soon," Evan said. He could already feel a headache coming on, one that had nothing to do with explosions or collapsing hallways.
McKay ignored him and threw himself into one of the ancient chairs sitting in front of the controls and nearly tipped it over. He began to frantically pressed the keys while staring at the screens. "Okay, you're right, this one isn't going to blow up, there's nothing in it to blow up. But who knows what else around here could blow up?"
"Could you at least shut up so I could take a nap?"
"What? No. Let's see, there has to be a power source somewhere, and if it's naquadah-based we could all be vaporized in an instant if something went wrong, so..."
As McKay continued to talk to himself, Evan sighed and got to his knees. Clearly trying to use reason wasn't going to stop McKay from panicking, so it was time to implement Emergency McKay Quieting Plan 1. Or was it Plan 2? The one that John had suggest but didn't involve duct tape. Evan crawled the few feet to get behind McKay's chair, not being noticed by the oblivious scientist until he grabbed the back on the chair and spun it around.
"What are you doing?" McKay squawked. Evan didn't reply, just started to unbutton McKay's fly with the single-minded attention of a desperate man. "Hey, bad touch, bad - ah. Um. Okay, that's unexpect - oh."