Botany Strike Back by Slybrarian (amnesty, criminals)
Title: Botany Strikes Back (Criminal Challenge)
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gen
Characters: David Parrish and Katie Brown, Botanists of Action
Words: 791
Notes: Beta by archae_ology. Yet another fic in my quest to clear out every unused flashfic idea of the year.
Summary: "Oh, I see how it is. Botany's not a real science; it's just a bunch of plants. No one ever wants to take a botanist hostage, it's always "oh, Doctor McKay, could you build us a bomb," or "construct a death ray or die"."
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"Oh, for fuck's sake," David Parrish said as the robbers yelled for everyone to get on the ground. "This is just absurd."
Like everyone else, he got down; although rather than lying flat he stayed sitting cross-legged. After he hit the panic button on his phone, being careful to keep his activity hidden from view, he looked across the room and caught Katie's eye. She nodded slightly, so he started to wave.
"Excuse me? Evil villain people? Yes, over here, thank you." Now that he had the attention of both of them, David started in on the speech he'd prepared for just such an occasion. "Could I ask what you're here for?"
"What the fuck do you think we're here for?" said the one with the dreadlocks.
"Right, of course, silly question. My bad. Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. See, the two of us aren't nuclear physicists, or even engineers. So I'm afraid we really can't help you with you secret weapons program, or your electricity plant, or whatever it is you're wanting to kidnap us for."
"What?" Now Dreadlocks looked more puzzled than angry, which was a nice change.
"We're botanists. We study plants, not missiles, beam weapons, or small clicky devices that turn your enemies blue. We're not much help unless you need someone to look at your mother's roses or help you hybridize some crops." David caught the annoyed glare that Katie aimed at him from the other side of the room, and quickly added, "Not that hostage-taking is the proper way to get that kind of help, and I'm sure there's going to be a rescue team here soon anyways. Major Lorne and Colonel Sheppard are always pretty quick about that sort of thing." He paused, and a bit annoyed he added, "Well, I guess here we're stuck with only SG-1, although I hear SG-3 does okay rescues too. Personally, I'm not sure I trust them."
"Are you on something, man? We're here for money, not stupid plants," asked Pasty-Boy-With-Silly-Goatee. He waved his pistol - some tiny little thing that wouldn't even tickle a Wraith - towards the cowering teller. "And hey, you, keep filling the bag."
Losing their attention wasn't in the plan at all, so David threw in an extra-dramatic groan and yelled, "Oh, I see how it is. Botany's not a real science; it's just a bunch of plants. No one ever wants to take a botanist hostage, it's always "oh, Doctor McKay, could you build us a bomb," or "construct a death ray or die". Never mind that our new strain of tava beans prevented a famine on Ji Sukan, or that those mango-pears we bred last year are even more popular for trade than antibiotics. No, botanists are just convenient hostages for getting your real goals."
"Shut the fuck up, man, or I'm going to-" David didn't get to find out what Dreadlocks was going to do, because Katie had crept up behind him holding an appropriated cane and knocked him out cold with a classic Dancing Landsquid strike. Pasty-Boy yelped and started to turn, at which point David kicked his legs out from under him and had his gun away an instant later. He got to his feet, ignoring the various shouts and screams around them, and gave the man a swift kick to the guts for good measure.
"Honestly, that was just lame," Katie commented as she ducked down and grabbed Dreadlock's gun. She glanced around at the wide-eyed bystanders as she added, "This is exactly why I avoid field work, too. I don't know how you put up with it."
"Well, usually Major Lorne is pretty good about avoiding trouble, unlike some people." He shook his head. "I have to say, I didn't expect it on Earth, though."
Out of the corner of his eye, David saw Pasty was reaching into his jacket, so he did what Major Lorne always suggested and shot him. He rolled his eyes as all the other customers started to scream again. One would think they'd never heard a gun go off or something. "Katie, will you see what our friend here had?"
She carefully bent down next to the moaning man and pulled another pistol from his jacket. She stepped back again and after checking the safety stuck it into her pocket. In the distance, sirens could be heard approaching, and grouchily she said, "It's been at least eight minutes since these idiots showed up. What's taking security so long?"
"I know. You'd think a civilized plan- erm, city would have decent public safety services." He paused, then sighed. "Damn it."
"What's wrong?"
"I just realized we're not even going to get hazard pay for this."
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gen
Characters: David Parrish and Katie Brown, Botanists of Action
Words: 791
Notes: Beta by archae_ology. Yet another fic in my quest to clear out every unused flashfic idea of the year.
Summary: "Oh, I see how it is. Botany's not a real science; it's just a bunch of plants. No one ever wants to take a botanist hostage, it's always "oh, Doctor McKay, could you build us a bomb," or "construct a death ray or die"."
---------
"Oh, for fuck's sake," David Parrish said as the robbers yelled for everyone to get on the ground. "This is just absurd."
Like everyone else, he got down; although rather than lying flat he stayed sitting cross-legged. After he hit the panic button on his phone, being careful to keep his activity hidden from view, he looked across the room and caught Katie's eye. She nodded slightly, so he started to wave.
"Excuse me? Evil villain people? Yes, over here, thank you." Now that he had the attention of both of them, David started in on the speech he'd prepared for just such an occasion. "Could I ask what you're here for?"
"What the fuck do you think we're here for?" said the one with the dreadlocks.
"Right, of course, silly question. My bad. Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. See, the two of us aren't nuclear physicists, or even engineers. So I'm afraid we really can't help you with you secret weapons program, or your electricity plant, or whatever it is you're wanting to kidnap us for."
"What?" Now Dreadlocks looked more puzzled than angry, which was a nice change.
"We're botanists. We study plants, not missiles, beam weapons, or small clicky devices that turn your enemies blue. We're not much help unless you need someone to look at your mother's roses or help you hybridize some crops." David caught the annoyed glare that Katie aimed at him from the other side of the room, and quickly added, "Not that hostage-taking is the proper way to get that kind of help, and I'm sure there's going to be a rescue team here soon anyways. Major Lorne and Colonel Sheppard are always pretty quick about that sort of thing." He paused, and a bit annoyed he added, "Well, I guess here we're stuck with only SG-1, although I hear SG-3 does okay rescues too. Personally, I'm not sure I trust them."
"Are you on something, man? We're here for money, not stupid plants," asked Pasty-Boy-With-Silly-Goatee. He waved his pistol - some tiny little thing that wouldn't even tickle a Wraith - towards the cowering teller. "And hey, you, keep filling the bag."
Losing their attention wasn't in the plan at all, so David threw in an extra-dramatic groan and yelled, "Oh, I see how it is. Botany's not a real science; it's just a bunch of plants. No one ever wants to take a botanist hostage, it's always "oh, Doctor McKay, could you build us a bomb," or "construct a death ray or die". Never mind that our new strain of tava beans prevented a famine on Ji Sukan, or that those mango-pears we bred last year are even more popular for trade than antibiotics. No, botanists are just convenient hostages for getting your real goals."
"Shut the fuck up, man, or I'm going to-" David didn't get to find out what Dreadlocks was going to do, because Katie had crept up behind him holding an appropriated cane and knocked him out cold with a classic Dancing Landsquid strike. Pasty-Boy yelped and started to turn, at which point David kicked his legs out from under him and had his gun away an instant later. He got to his feet, ignoring the various shouts and screams around them, and gave the man a swift kick to the guts for good measure.
"Honestly, that was just lame," Katie commented as she ducked down and grabbed Dreadlock's gun. She glanced around at the wide-eyed bystanders as she added, "This is exactly why I avoid field work, too. I don't know how you put up with it."
"Well, usually Major Lorne is pretty good about avoiding trouble, unlike some people." He shook his head. "I have to say, I didn't expect it on Earth, though."
Out of the corner of his eye, David saw Pasty was reaching into his jacket, so he did what Major Lorne always suggested and shot him. He rolled his eyes as all the other customers started to scream again. One would think they'd never heard a gun go off or something. "Katie, will you see what our friend here had?"
She carefully bent down next to the moaning man and pulled another pistol from his jacket. She stepped back again and after checking the safety stuck it into her pocket. In the distance, sirens could be heard approaching, and grouchily she said, "It's been at least eight minutes since these idiots showed up. What's taking security so long?"
"I know. You'd think a civilized plan- erm, city would have decent public safety services." He paused, then sighed. "Damn it."
"What's wrong?"
"I just realized we're not even going to get hazard pay for this."