First Contact Challenge -- few minutes late?
Whew - just finished this. I blame the laundry. And work...
It's unbetaed.
Title: No Tribble At All
Author: Penemuel
Rating: This would be PG if I were using MPAA ratings
Challenge: First Contact
Pairing: Hints of McShep and Carson/Ford
Summary: "But I like cats..."
Notes: These critters come from one of my favourite RPG's (the books and dice type, that is), GMed by a good friend of mine. I thought it would be very entertaining for the Atlantis gang to run into them, especially considering some of the folks on the main team. And I have to admit a certain image got firmly lodged in my head, and now I think I have to try a manip... :)
No Tribble at All
When Sheppard returned from recon to tell the others they seemed to be alone on this little world, he had to stop and regain his composure before he doubled over laughing.
"Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Laugh it up, fuzzball," Rodney groused, waving vaguely at another one of the small creatures that flitted around him.
Sheppard unslung his weapon and carefully laid it down beside his pack, then walked to join Rodney where he sat examining the ruins. The scientist was the center of attention -- not only of the rest of the team, but also of the only indigenous animal life form they had discovered so far.
"They like you, Rodney," Sheppard said, amusement colouring his tone. He walked to stand next to his friend and gently reached out towards one of the creatures, smiling as it cooed and fluttered around his hand for a moment before settling on the back of it and purring.
The creatures were small round balls of fluff, with soft feathery wings, and didn't appear to have any other features. Sheppard could tell, though, that there was some kind of gripping mechanism -- feet or he didn't know what -- hidden in the fluff. Their most amazing feature was their colour -- so far they had seen some in pastel shades of every colour of the rainbow, along with the more 'normal' fur colours.
"Yes, isn't it wonderful. Well, at least we have proof I'm not a Klingon," Rodney grumbled, shooing another group of them out of his field of vision. "They're all over me, aren't they..."
"Yes, they are," Ford answered, barely restraining giggle as a pale green one settled on Rodney's head.
"And we're sure they aren't dangerous?" he asked for what Carson figured had to be the fifteenth time.
"I haven't even been able to find any teeth, Rodney," Carson answered. Then he chuckled softly and added, "Though they do seem to be a wee bit ticklish around their wings."
This time Ford did giggle, and said, "Well, I guess they could always suffocate you if enough of them land on you..."
"Oh, thank you, Lieutenant," Rodney said, rolling his eyes. "God, why are these things doing this to me?!"
"Well, you haven't changed your after-shave," Sheppard said quietly, earning himself a glower. "I don't know."
Carson, grinning in response to Ford's amusement, said, "Maybe they're like cats and know when you don't like them..."
"But I like cats," Rodney protested, sighing as Sheppard managed to shoo away a cloud of them. "Thank you, Major," he said, with something akin to true gratitude in his tone.
"Hey -- they're cute, but I'd be annoyed if they were pestering me while I was trying to concentrate," Sheppard said quietly. He smiled at Rodney, who nodded in return, then he headed over to Carson, Ford, and Teyla. "So, you've never seen these things before?"
"No, Major, these creatures are a mystery to me. You seemed more familiar with them than I," Teyla answered, watching as the cloud fluttering around Rodney began to settle back around and on him, prompting another heavy sigh and round of complaints.
For an instant, Sheppard seemed confused, then he realized what she referred to. "No -- not these creatures. There's something similar in our entertainment -- small fluffballs that don't actually seem to serve any purpose other than to be cute and fluffy, and get annoying when there are too many of them," he explained, well aware that Rodney was listening in.
"I fear I may never fully understand your people, Major," Teyla said, watching as a small group of the creatures peeled away from Rodney and circled around Carson, performing surprisingly intricate aerobatics.
The creatures seemed to have a marked preference for Rodney, but Carson had attracted quite a few of his own. Of the other three, Sheppard seemed to be the most popular, but they only attracted the ones who couldn't get close enough to the scientist and doctor. Sheppard watched this dynamic for a while, beginning to come up with a theory.
"Rodney, Doctor, do you get the feeling these little guys are trying to communicate in any way?" he asked, watching as another flight of them wheeled past him, circling around for another attempt to land on Rodney.
"What, one trill for yes, two for no, Major?" Rodney asked, trying to smother a yawn. "Afraid I've been busy doing real work here -- I haven't really been paying attention."
"Beyond bitching about them," Ford said under his breath, earning himself a grin from Carson.
"I'm afraid I haven't noticed anything either, Major," Carson said as Sheppard turned to him. "No patterns or obvious behaviours that seem like communication. They don't seem to be trying to influence us in any way, don't seem to be trying to keep us from doing anything -- they just seem to be curious and friendly."
"Too friendly," Rodney griped, shooing a cloud of them away as he moved to another area of the inscription. Another huge yawn, and he put down his laptop and scrubbed both hands over his face, then shook his head and looked up at Sheppard. "I can't keep my eyes open all of a sudden," he said, another yawn interrupting him. "John, if it's okay with you, I'm taking a nap." And then he curled up right there, next to the ruins, and fell asleep almost instantly.
Sheppard's eyes went wide at the use of his first name -- Rodney avoided calling him 'John' in public unless he was either terrified, or mentally exhausted. And since he obviously wasn't terrified... And then, as Rodney began to snore, the majority of his flock of puffballs rose into the air and flew over to Carson.
"Doctor, do me a favour," he said, frowning slightly.
"Major?"
"Any of those Ancient gadgets good at taking readings of the strength of a being's life force -- or whatever?" He looked back at Rodney for a moment, then over to Carson again. Teyla and Ford were laughing at the puffballs' aerobatics, and Carson was muttering something unkind about 'wee beasties' and their parentage.
A flight of them wheeled past Sheppard and he waved vaguely near his head to shoo them away, quirking an eyebrow as he heard Carson grouse, "Aiden, it's not funny!"
"You thought it was funny when they were bothering Dr. McKay," Teyla reminded him quietly, and he frowned as he rummaged in his pack.
"All right, I did. But now I see why he was so -- hey! Get outta there, you!" He scooped a pair of orange and brown spotted puffballs out of the pack, then gave an exasperated sigh as they fluttered up to perch on his shoulders. Returning his attention to the pack, he pulled out one of the devices they had managed to figure out and held it up to show Sheppard.
"Great. No idea how to read it, but as long as you do... Scan McKay, would you?"
"He did poop out awfully fast -- although I thought it was just late nights and lack of caffeine," Carson said, giving Sheppard a completely innocent look when the Major's eyes narrowed at 'late nights'. But he walked over to Rodney and waved the device over him a few times, then checked the readings.
"Well?" Sheppard asked impatiently, hearing a slightly disgruntled trill as he did so. Another vague wave near his head, then he returned his full attention to Carson.
"I'm not sure, Major. The readings are a little strange, that's for sure. They don't match with the baseline reading I took back in Atlantis."
"I'm not so sure I like 'a little strange'," Sheppard said, kneeling next to Rodney. Before he tried to wake him, though, he looked back up to see Carson waving the device over himself.
"Hmmn. That's odd..."
Again, the quirked eyebrow, and when no further information was forthcoming, an exasperated, "What's odd, Doctor?"
"His brain activity is very low right now, even for someone sleeping. Mine is very high..." Carson trailed off, then looked over at Ford. "Aiden, c'mere for a moment," he called.
When the lieutenant joined them, a number of the puffballs circled around him, but returned again to Carson's shoulders and head, and the doctor frowned.
Sheppard paid them only mild attention because he was looking at Rodney's laptop, trying to make sense of what had been translated so far. Carson was busy checking Ford's readings and making intrigued noises, but he didn't really register any of it until Carson waved the device in his face. "Major, all of us show a marked increase in brain activity -- except Rodney."
"All right, that's it." Suddenly, Sheppard was all business, issuing orders and ignoring the puffballs, which suddenly flocked to him. "Ford, you get pictures of the rest of this wall. Make sure everything is sequential, and very readable. It may be important if we ever come back here. Doctor, you and Teyla pack everything up and get back inside the Jumper. Do not let any of those things get inside."
"What is it, Major?" Carson asked, knowing that tone. Something was wrong...
"I can't make sense of most of his notes because they're in typical McKay-ese, but something on this wall is a warning, and it's not about the Wraith." Knowing the others would follow orders, he turned his attention back to Rodney and tried to shake him awake. "Come on, Rodney, time to wake up and go home," he coaxed, maneuvering the scientist until he was sitting up, propped against him. "Rodney, wake up."
"Don'wanna," Rodney murmured, settling comfortably against him.
"No go, Rodney," Sheppard urged, shaking him and patting his cheek. "Come on, gotta wake up and get out of here before the aliens eat us, Rodney," he said, banking on Rodney's innate fear of death to spike his adrenaline enough to at least get him into the Puddle Jumper.
"The aliens aren't going to eat us," Rodney murfled, although he was blinking and waking up now. "They're little puffballs!"
"Yeah, they're puffballs, but they're doing something to us, Rodney. Come on, time to get up -- it's important. Now."
"They're doing something to us?" Rodney asked, suddenly much more awake and unsteadily trying to get to his feet. "Well, come on, Major, let's get out of here!"
Sheppard stood, helping Rodney up, and wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him from falling down as his knees buckled. He turned to look at Rodney, and found his friend trying his damnedest not to burst out laughing. "What? What the hell could possibly be so funny?"
Rodney pointed at him and giggled. Giggled. And he frowned, trying to give his darkest, most threatening glower. And Rodney giggled some more.
"What?!"
"One of them is nesting in your hair," Rodney managed to force out. "It's made itself a nice, comfy hollow, and it seems to be making itself quite at home..."
Rodney dissolved into giggles again and nearly fell over when Sheppard growled and reached up to pull the puffball out of his hair. And that's when the world went crazy -- he heard a squeaking noise that might have been the puffball objecting to its unceremonious eviction. Maybe he squeezed it too tight, or gave its ticklish wings too hard a tickling -- whatever it was, one minute Rodney was laughing at him, and the next, it felt like he grabbed the end of a live wire...
"FORD!!" Rodney screamed, trying to haul Sheppard's unconscious form with him and nearly pitching head-first into the ground. The lieutenant ran out of the Puddle Jumper and joined him, hauling Sheppard up and throwing him over his shoulder. Together, they ran for the Jumper, barely making it ahead of the cloud of puffballs that was closing in on them.
"What the hell happened, Rodney?" Carson yelled as he gave a panicked look at the hatch, making sure none of the puffballs got in behind them.
"I don't know -- one second he was yanking that purple one out of his hair, and then he just looked like someone whacked him between the eyes and he fell over. Just like that! You gotta get us out of here!" Rodney answered, his pitch rising as he grew more worried.
"Easy, Rodney, easy. Let me check him first, then we'll deal with this. Maybe he's just stunned, and he can pilot us out of here..." Carson said, still uncomfortable about flying the ships. Ford laid Sheppard down as comfortably as possible, and Carson checked him over, looking concerned, but less so when the major's eyes flickered open. "Major, how do you feel?"
"Buh?" Sheppard asked, looking up at them with a very confused look on his face.
"What the hell?!" Rodney asked, looking from Sheppard to Carson. "'Buh'?!"
"Readings," Ford urged, nudging Carson and handing him the device.
Carson nodded, and waved it over Sheppard, then frowned at what the device showed. "Oh, that can't be good..."
"What the hell did that little puffball do to him?!" Rodney nearly wailed, looking back at the idiotic grin Sheppard gave him.
"Um... the readings... they look more like some of the Athosian children's readings than his own," Carson said softly, looking at Rodney with a very worried expression. "I have no idea what they did, or if it's permanent..."
"You gotta get us out of here, Doc. You're the only other one who can fly this thing! We have to get him back to Atlantis and fix him!" Rodney said, panic more than obvious in his tone. "Now!"
"Oh god, I hate this..." Carson said, standing up and walking to the controls. He gave Ford a panicked look, and the lieutenant joined him, while Rodney and Teyla tended to Sheppard, who seemed quite happy to babble on inarticulately about something.
***
"Does anyone want to tell me what the hell happened on that planet?!" Elizabeth demanded again, looking at the group sitting around the table.
"Um... we found a planet that the Ancients used to live on. There were no intelligent life forms that we could discover, but they left a warning..." Rodney began, glancing over at Sheppard. The major had begun to recover a day or so after the incident, and beyond headaches now seemed completely himself once more. "Apparently, the other indigenous life form has an interesting diet..."
"Oh?"
"Well, they seem to... feed on intelligence... or mental energy. Or something like that. Dr. Beckett hasn't quite figured it all out yet."
"Really."
"Yes. It didn't make a whole lot of sense at first, but the gist of the warning was 'don't anger the mind eaters'," Rodney explained, looking again at Sheppard.
"Because...?" Elizabeth urged, looking around the table again.
"Um... it seems they're capable of defending themselves from attack by... shocking the attacker back to the mental competence of a three year old," Carson explained, avoiding looking at Sheppard at all.
"Yes -- apparently, normally, they just feed on the intelligence -- or whatever -- until the person being fed on is just exhausted. Then they move on to the next one, and the next. They let the first person sleep and recover, and then it starts all over again," Rodney explained. "Of course, they started on me, because I was the most intelligent person there. They went after Dr. Beckett and the others after I fell over. They didn't seem to go after the Major until he started issuing orders -- obviously, his intelligence lies in math and the military, and very little else."
Sheppard shot him a poisonous glance, and he smiled sweetly in return.
"And what happened that made them attack Major Sheppard?" Elizabeth pressed, looking around the table again.
"Um..." Carson hedged, unwilling to become the recipient of a similar look.
"One of them was nesting in his hair," Rodney explained with a grin. "He removed it, and it --um-- objected..."
"And once we got into the Jumper, Major Sheppard decided that Rodney was his favourite teddy bear," Ford added with a chuckle. "I haven't seen anything that funny in years!"
"Teddy bear?" Elizabeth asked, looking at Sheppard, who studiously avoided her gaze.
Ford was still laughing, and nodded in response, and then Sheppard looked up, a stricken expression on his face. "Oh no -- tell me you didn't!" Ford just laughed harder, and Sheppard buried his face in his hands.
"What is it, Major?" Teyla asked, concerned for a moment that he was having another attack.
Sheppard groaned and explained, "I asked Ford to take pictures of the inscription -- he still had the camera!"
end
It's unbetaed.
Title: No Tribble At All
Author: Penemuel
Rating: This would be PG if I were using MPAA ratings
Challenge: First Contact
Pairing: Hints of McShep and Carson/Ford
Summary: "But I like cats..."
Notes: These critters come from one of my favourite RPG's (the books and dice type, that is), GMed by a good friend of mine. I thought it would be very entertaining for the Atlantis gang to run into them, especially considering some of the folks on the main team. And I have to admit a certain image got firmly lodged in my head, and now I think I have to try a manip... :)
No Tribble at All
When Sheppard returned from recon to tell the others they seemed to be alone on this little world, he had to stop and regain his composure before he doubled over laughing.
"Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Laugh it up, fuzzball," Rodney groused, waving vaguely at another one of the small creatures that flitted around him.
Sheppard unslung his weapon and carefully laid it down beside his pack, then walked to join Rodney where he sat examining the ruins. The scientist was the center of attention -- not only of the rest of the team, but also of the only indigenous animal life form they had discovered so far.
"They like you, Rodney," Sheppard said, amusement colouring his tone. He walked to stand next to his friend and gently reached out towards one of the creatures, smiling as it cooed and fluttered around his hand for a moment before settling on the back of it and purring.
The creatures were small round balls of fluff, with soft feathery wings, and didn't appear to have any other features. Sheppard could tell, though, that there was some kind of gripping mechanism -- feet or he didn't know what -- hidden in the fluff. Their most amazing feature was their colour -- so far they had seen some in pastel shades of every colour of the rainbow, along with the more 'normal' fur colours.
"Yes, isn't it wonderful. Well, at least we have proof I'm not a Klingon," Rodney grumbled, shooing another group of them out of his field of vision. "They're all over me, aren't they..."
"Yes, they are," Ford answered, barely restraining giggle as a pale green one settled on Rodney's head.
"And we're sure they aren't dangerous?" he asked for what Carson figured had to be the fifteenth time.
"I haven't even been able to find any teeth, Rodney," Carson answered. Then he chuckled softly and added, "Though they do seem to be a wee bit ticklish around their wings."
This time Ford did giggle, and said, "Well, I guess they could always suffocate you if enough of them land on you..."
"Oh, thank you, Lieutenant," Rodney said, rolling his eyes. "God, why are these things doing this to me?!"
"Well, you haven't changed your after-shave," Sheppard said quietly, earning himself a glower. "I don't know."
Carson, grinning in response to Ford's amusement, said, "Maybe they're like cats and know when you don't like them..."
"But I like cats," Rodney protested, sighing as Sheppard managed to shoo away a cloud of them. "Thank you, Major," he said, with something akin to true gratitude in his tone.
"Hey -- they're cute, but I'd be annoyed if they were pestering me while I was trying to concentrate," Sheppard said quietly. He smiled at Rodney, who nodded in return, then he headed over to Carson, Ford, and Teyla. "So, you've never seen these things before?"
"No, Major, these creatures are a mystery to me. You seemed more familiar with them than I," Teyla answered, watching as the cloud fluttering around Rodney began to settle back around and on him, prompting another heavy sigh and round of complaints.
For an instant, Sheppard seemed confused, then he realized what she referred to. "No -- not these creatures. There's something similar in our entertainment -- small fluffballs that don't actually seem to serve any purpose other than to be cute and fluffy, and get annoying when there are too many of them," he explained, well aware that Rodney was listening in.
"I fear I may never fully understand your people, Major," Teyla said, watching as a small group of the creatures peeled away from Rodney and circled around Carson, performing surprisingly intricate aerobatics.
The creatures seemed to have a marked preference for Rodney, but Carson had attracted quite a few of his own. Of the other three, Sheppard seemed to be the most popular, but they only attracted the ones who couldn't get close enough to the scientist and doctor. Sheppard watched this dynamic for a while, beginning to come up with a theory.
"Rodney, Doctor, do you get the feeling these little guys are trying to communicate in any way?" he asked, watching as another flight of them wheeled past him, circling around for another attempt to land on Rodney.
"What, one trill for yes, two for no, Major?" Rodney asked, trying to smother a yawn. "Afraid I've been busy doing real work here -- I haven't really been paying attention."
"Beyond bitching about them," Ford said under his breath, earning himself a grin from Carson.
"I'm afraid I haven't noticed anything either, Major," Carson said as Sheppard turned to him. "No patterns or obvious behaviours that seem like communication. They don't seem to be trying to influence us in any way, don't seem to be trying to keep us from doing anything -- they just seem to be curious and friendly."
"Too friendly," Rodney griped, shooing a cloud of them away as he moved to another area of the inscription. Another huge yawn, and he put down his laptop and scrubbed both hands over his face, then shook his head and looked up at Sheppard. "I can't keep my eyes open all of a sudden," he said, another yawn interrupting him. "John, if it's okay with you, I'm taking a nap." And then he curled up right there, next to the ruins, and fell asleep almost instantly.
Sheppard's eyes went wide at the use of his first name -- Rodney avoided calling him 'John' in public unless he was either terrified, or mentally exhausted. And since he obviously wasn't terrified... And then, as Rodney began to snore, the majority of his flock of puffballs rose into the air and flew over to Carson.
"Doctor, do me a favour," he said, frowning slightly.
"Major?"
"Any of those Ancient gadgets good at taking readings of the strength of a being's life force -- or whatever?" He looked back at Rodney for a moment, then over to Carson again. Teyla and Ford were laughing at the puffballs' aerobatics, and Carson was muttering something unkind about 'wee beasties' and their parentage.
A flight of them wheeled past Sheppard and he waved vaguely near his head to shoo them away, quirking an eyebrow as he heard Carson grouse, "Aiden, it's not funny!"
"You thought it was funny when they were bothering Dr. McKay," Teyla reminded him quietly, and he frowned as he rummaged in his pack.
"All right, I did. But now I see why he was so -- hey! Get outta there, you!" He scooped a pair of orange and brown spotted puffballs out of the pack, then gave an exasperated sigh as they fluttered up to perch on his shoulders. Returning his attention to the pack, he pulled out one of the devices they had managed to figure out and held it up to show Sheppard.
"Great. No idea how to read it, but as long as you do... Scan McKay, would you?"
"He did poop out awfully fast -- although I thought it was just late nights and lack of caffeine," Carson said, giving Sheppard a completely innocent look when the Major's eyes narrowed at 'late nights'. But he walked over to Rodney and waved the device over him a few times, then checked the readings.
"Well?" Sheppard asked impatiently, hearing a slightly disgruntled trill as he did so. Another vague wave near his head, then he returned his full attention to Carson.
"I'm not sure, Major. The readings are a little strange, that's for sure. They don't match with the baseline reading I took back in Atlantis."
"I'm not so sure I like 'a little strange'," Sheppard said, kneeling next to Rodney. Before he tried to wake him, though, he looked back up to see Carson waving the device over himself.
"Hmmn. That's odd..."
Again, the quirked eyebrow, and when no further information was forthcoming, an exasperated, "What's odd, Doctor?"
"His brain activity is very low right now, even for someone sleeping. Mine is very high..." Carson trailed off, then looked over at Ford. "Aiden, c'mere for a moment," he called.
When the lieutenant joined them, a number of the puffballs circled around him, but returned again to Carson's shoulders and head, and the doctor frowned.
Sheppard paid them only mild attention because he was looking at Rodney's laptop, trying to make sense of what had been translated so far. Carson was busy checking Ford's readings and making intrigued noises, but he didn't really register any of it until Carson waved the device in his face. "Major, all of us show a marked increase in brain activity -- except Rodney."
"All right, that's it." Suddenly, Sheppard was all business, issuing orders and ignoring the puffballs, which suddenly flocked to him. "Ford, you get pictures of the rest of this wall. Make sure everything is sequential, and very readable. It may be important if we ever come back here. Doctor, you and Teyla pack everything up and get back inside the Jumper. Do not let any of those things get inside."
"What is it, Major?" Carson asked, knowing that tone. Something was wrong...
"I can't make sense of most of his notes because they're in typical McKay-ese, but something on this wall is a warning, and it's not about the Wraith." Knowing the others would follow orders, he turned his attention back to Rodney and tried to shake him awake. "Come on, Rodney, time to wake up and go home," he coaxed, maneuvering the scientist until he was sitting up, propped against him. "Rodney, wake up."
"Don'wanna," Rodney murmured, settling comfortably against him.
"No go, Rodney," Sheppard urged, shaking him and patting his cheek. "Come on, gotta wake up and get out of here before the aliens eat us, Rodney," he said, banking on Rodney's innate fear of death to spike his adrenaline enough to at least get him into the Puddle Jumper.
"The aliens aren't going to eat us," Rodney murfled, although he was blinking and waking up now. "They're little puffballs!"
"Yeah, they're puffballs, but they're doing something to us, Rodney. Come on, time to get up -- it's important. Now."
"They're doing something to us?" Rodney asked, suddenly much more awake and unsteadily trying to get to his feet. "Well, come on, Major, let's get out of here!"
Sheppard stood, helping Rodney up, and wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him from falling down as his knees buckled. He turned to look at Rodney, and found his friend trying his damnedest not to burst out laughing. "What? What the hell could possibly be so funny?"
Rodney pointed at him and giggled. Giggled. And he frowned, trying to give his darkest, most threatening glower. And Rodney giggled some more.
"What?!"
"One of them is nesting in your hair," Rodney managed to force out. "It's made itself a nice, comfy hollow, and it seems to be making itself quite at home..."
Rodney dissolved into giggles again and nearly fell over when Sheppard growled and reached up to pull the puffball out of his hair. And that's when the world went crazy -- he heard a squeaking noise that might have been the puffball objecting to its unceremonious eviction. Maybe he squeezed it too tight, or gave its ticklish wings too hard a tickling -- whatever it was, one minute Rodney was laughing at him, and the next, it felt like he grabbed the end of a live wire...
"FORD!!" Rodney screamed, trying to haul Sheppard's unconscious form with him and nearly pitching head-first into the ground. The lieutenant ran out of the Puddle Jumper and joined him, hauling Sheppard up and throwing him over his shoulder. Together, they ran for the Jumper, barely making it ahead of the cloud of puffballs that was closing in on them.
"What the hell happened, Rodney?" Carson yelled as he gave a panicked look at the hatch, making sure none of the puffballs got in behind them.
"I don't know -- one second he was yanking that purple one out of his hair, and then he just looked like someone whacked him between the eyes and he fell over. Just like that! You gotta get us out of here!" Rodney answered, his pitch rising as he grew more worried.
"Easy, Rodney, easy. Let me check him first, then we'll deal with this. Maybe he's just stunned, and he can pilot us out of here..." Carson said, still uncomfortable about flying the ships. Ford laid Sheppard down as comfortably as possible, and Carson checked him over, looking concerned, but less so when the major's eyes flickered open. "Major, how do you feel?"
"Buh?" Sheppard asked, looking up at them with a very confused look on his face.
"What the hell?!" Rodney asked, looking from Sheppard to Carson. "'Buh'?!"
"Readings," Ford urged, nudging Carson and handing him the device.
Carson nodded, and waved it over Sheppard, then frowned at what the device showed. "Oh, that can't be good..."
"What the hell did that little puffball do to him?!" Rodney nearly wailed, looking back at the idiotic grin Sheppard gave him.
"Um... the readings... they look more like some of the Athosian children's readings than his own," Carson said softly, looking at Rodney with a very worried expression. "I have no idea what they did, or if it's permanent..."
"You gotta get us out of here, Doc. You're the only other one who can fly this thing! We have to get him back to Atlantis and fix him!" Rodney said, panic more than obvious in his tone. "Now!"
"Oh god, I hate this..." Carson said, standing up and walking to the controls. He gave Ford a panicked look, and the lieutenant joined him, while Rodney and Teyla tended to Sheppard, who seemed quite happy to babble on inarticulately about something.
***
"Does anyone want to tell me what the hell happened on that planet?!" Elizabeth demanded again, looking at the group sitting around the table.
"Um... we found a planet that the Ancients used to live on. There were no intelligent life forms that we could discover, but they left a warning..." Rodney began, glancing over at Sheppard. The major had begun to recover a day or so after the incident, and beyond headaches now seemed completely himself once more. "Apparently, the other indigenous life form has an interesting diet..."
"Oh?"
"Well, they seem to... feed on intelligence... or mental energy. Or something like that. Dr. Beckett hasn't quite figured it all out yet."
"Really."
"Yes. It didn't make a whole lot of sense at first, but the gist of the warning was 'don't anger the mind eaters'," Rodney explained, looking again at Sheppard.
"Because...?" Elizabeth urged, looking around the table again.
"Um... it seems they're capable of defending themselves from attack by... shocking the attacker back to the mental competence of a three year old," Carson explained, avoiding looking at Sheppard at all.
"Yes -- apparently, normally, they just feed on the intelligence -- or whatever -- until the person being fed on is just exhausted. Then they move on to the next one, and the next. They let the first person sleep and recover, and then it starts all over again," Rodney explained. "Of course, they started on me, because I was the most intelligent person there. They went after Dr. Beckett and the others after I fell over. They didn't seem to go after the Major until he started issuing orders -- obviously, his intelligence lies in math and the military, and very little else."
Sheppard shot him a poisonous glance, and he smiled sweetly in return.
"And what happened that made them attack Major Sheppard?" Elizabeth pressed, looking around the table again.
"Um..." Carson hedged, unwilling to become the recipient of a similar look.
"One of them was nesting in his hair," Rodney explained with a grin. "He removed it, and it --um-- objected..."
"And once we got into the Jumper, Major Sheppard decided that Rodney was his favourite teddy bear," Ford added with a chuckle. "I haven't seen anything that funny in years!"
"Teddy bear?" Elizabeth asked, looking at Sheppard, who studiously avoided her gaze.
Ford was still laughing, and nodded in response, and then Sheppard looked up, a stricken expression on his face. "Oh no -- tell me you didn't!" Ford just laughed harder, and Sheppard buried his face in his hands.
"What is it, Major?" Teyla asked, concerned for a moment that he was having another attack.
Sheppard groaned and explained, "I asked Ford to take pictures of the inscription -- he still had the camera!"
end