How ironic is it by bluetoads (Dark Side Challenge)
Author: bluetoads
Title: How ironic is it
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Michael POV with some Sheppard
Word Count: 3,552
Summary: How ironic is it that I-a member of the most powerful and feared race in this galaxy- am now standing behind my most hated enemy and looking to him to save me and protect me from not only his own people but my own?
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't own them or get money from them.
Warnings: Wraith POV so a bit off but compared with most of the entries mine's fluff. I wrote this after 3 days of no sleep so it rambles a bit but that was what I wanted so it worked. Hope it works for you all to. Takes place during No man's land with ref to Michael and Allies. I have a couple dialog lines taken from No man's land also. Don't see anything other that to give warnings for. This was suppose to be about 1,000 words but he got away from me.
How Ironic is it
How ironic is it that I-a member of the most powerful and feared race in this galaxy- am now standing behind my most hated enemy and looking to him to save me and protect me from not only his own people but my own? How did I fall so far that I now look to him for the same things his own people look to him for? What is even more ironic is that he has given it to me.
I was a good wraith, a respected member of my Hive, a respected engineer and scientist among my people. I was placed in equal rank with the warrior commanders; I was an advisor to my young Queen and was even one of the very few select chosen males who will mate with the Queen when she next comes into her mating cycle. I was honored to be chosen to be a mate and to give my life to the Hive and our future survival. As one of the chosen I was given even more respect in the Hive. It is a great honor to be chosen and to know that my line will help father the next generation of eggs. Now that is all gone thanks to the Lanteens.
My life was ruined by the Lanteens. I lost everything because of them. I just did not know it till recently. I was as blind as they. How did this happen? About four months ago I was sent by my Queen with a regular culling to inspect some of our ancient ancestor ruins to see if there was any useable technology we could salvage from the ruins. While there my small group was attack by a group of humans. Not only were we not prepared for any of our food to attack us, they used strange weapons that hurt us, I felt two of my brothers die. It is not something a wraith experiences very often and it hurt terribly. I was captured and taken. They did things to me I can not bring myself to think about. There was pain, so much pain and then I was cut off from my Hive and the comfort of the Hive mind. Then nothing.
They changed me, turned me into something I had never wanted to be. I was now food. They taught me much about being human. More than I thought at the time. I had thought with my escape and return back to myself that it was over but what they did to me changed me. Changed me in ways I never wanted and I am still finding out about. They have made me no longer wraith but something not and in between. I did not know it at first. I was blind or maybe I just didn’t want to see.
When I returned my Queen welcomed me back and I told her of the retrovirus and what I thought we could do with it. She seemed to take me back into her advisors and gave me back my place amongst the Hive and I was glad, happy to be home. My brothers were not so welcoming. Then she changed the plan and I wasn’t told about it. I was shocked by what she did. Not by what she did per say. Food is food after all and a planet with 6 billion humans and numerous other planets just as rich and just waiting to be culled would ensure our Hives’ survival and growth. What I did not understand was why she did not tell me. Why would she not do this? I must understand. What I didn’t see at the time was that a ‘normal’ wraith does not question their Queen. They would never think to do so, they just do. That I asked and wanted to know showed her I was no longer a good wraith, a normal wraith. Why did I not see it at the time? My death was ensured the moment I questioned instead of followed. As the Lanteens say: I should have seen it coming but I was blind. All the fingers were pointing at it When my Queen did not trust me enough to tell me of the change in plans. I should have seen it when she refused to call me by my named but insisted on using Michael, the Lanteens name they gave me. She knew I hated that name but used it any way and used it as often as she could. When she withdrew her favor and called me a disgusting human was the moment I knew, knew I would die shortly after we got to Earth.
When they would not let me do my work I showed defiance again, I could not stop myself. The rage was so strong. I wanted to rip the drones’ heads off but was just able to restrain myself. As I waited in my rooms I had much time to think about how I had been changed. I wanted to howl and scream at the unfairness of it all and that made me want to scream all the louder. Humans question, wonder, poke and show defiance and think things are unfair not Wraith. I keep coming back to one thing: I wanted to live; I wanted to live so badly I was thinking of ways I could escape, get away from my Hive just so I can live. Wraiths don’t think like that, humans do. A wraith thinks of the good of the Hive and the Queen in all things. If she says die for me, you died for her. You don’t question or fight. There is no why. You just die however she wants you to. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I want to live. I know this came from the Lanteens and I hate them all the more for it. I am different, changed.
To a wraith different is bad. We have not changed as a race in over 10,000 years. Eggs with defects are destroyed; we live for a very, very long time and are slow breeders. New Queens will lay eggs more often than a mature Queen will as they must fill the Hive but once the Hive is full she will only breed about once every 500 years or so as the need to replace comes about. Eggs can be stored in stasis for hundreds of years and hatched as needed. It is a perfect system. We don’t need to change. We are already perfect and at the top of the food chain. We rule the galaxy after all. Now I am different and am to be feared. I am looked upon as an abomination. Even though my appearance is almost back to normal I can not do anything about the hair. I will have to go about with a young ones hair till it grows out over time but the mind set is something I can never change. I will never be allowed to live and will never be allowed to breed with the Queen for fear I will pass on my aberration to the eggs.
I sit in my quarters and plan and rage, and then I hear the radio. It is the most beautiful sound I can ever remember hearing. It is disbelief coupled with hope and wonder. I have a second to decide. Do I want to take this chance I have been given and maybe die fighting for my life, maybe live or do I want to just wait for them to come for me. Wait for my death? I am human enough still that I want to live. I want to live so bad I can taste it. I take the chance. ‘Colonel Sheppard?’
He isn’t happy about trusting me but he does it. I do a very unwraith thing and wish him good luck. Wraith don’t believe in luck, I am hoping to all the Gods I ever heard of that luck is real right now and that it is with myself and Sheppard. I take a couple deep breaths then step forward. I do another very unwraith like thing and tell a bold faced lie to the commanders to get their prisoner when they drag him in. No wraith is ever going to lie about the Queen or about anything she says. But I am no longer a good wraith; I lie easily about it and hope they don’t question me. They would never think to do so, after all who questions the Queen? The commanders give Sheppard to me. I am so relieved it worked and that he lives I almost hug Sheppard to me. I am so happy to see this man I am shaking with it.
And that is how I came to look upon this man as my savior and protector. I need to touch him every so often to assure myself he is real and we are doing this, that I am doing this and it is not a dream or a hallucination on my part. Wraiths do not dream but I do now. I have dreamed of this man many times since I was back, but it was never in this capacity. I dreamed of my hatred for him and of myself ripping him apart limb from limb for giving me my hated human name and I dreamed of feeding off of him, sometimes fast and quick and other times long and slow. Still other times I dream of making him suffer for a very, very long time. I have dreamed of making him watch as I feed off his friends and his charges before I take him too. Sometimes I dreamed of taking him as a pet-I have wanted to run my hand over and though his hair since the moment I saw him. He looks very pet able. This thought is very disturbing for me and so very not wraith! Sometimes I dream I could make him my servant. I dream of breaking his will till he serves me willingly and only me. He would make a good status symbol for me. It takes great skill to break a human properly and is not done often but I can do it. Other times I dreamed of using him in my work and experiments. He has the blood of our ancient enemies after all. He could be my pet and I could use him to great advantage as he can use the ancient tech. It would be a great boon to our Hive to have our own ancient. But never in all my many dreams did I dream of this.
He lets me touch him. Just small touches. A brush of my hand, a bump of my shoulder, sometimes a grip on his arm for a moment. Nothing big but it keeps me from falling apart, again how ironic is it this human has become my touchstone. Wraiths don’t need touch and certainly don’t need touchstones! I am finding it very disturbing but I can’t stop myself from doing it. I think he understands my need. He doesn’t stop me from touching him. He has stopped flinching after the first couple of times I touched him which I find comfort in for some strange reason. If tried to touch his chest I know it would be different, he would kill me for sure even if I was just touching and not going to feed. Now he stands firm between me and the warrior called Ronon. I am doubly glad I took the chance he offered. I know I have chosen right. He does not leave people behind. He followed his people into a Hive to get them. No one does this not even other wraith. I know this is not the first time he has done this. I heard the stories on Atlantis. He protects what is his and I am his right now just as much as the two men standing in front of us are his. It is ironic that I am thinking right now he would make a good Hive Queen. Better than my current Queen. She has never risked her life for her people or come after those lost or taken. Sheppard has entered at least three Hives for his people that I know off and he has gotten his people back each time. He has also been face to face with at least three mature Hive Queens and not only beat them but lived. Not even wraith can boast to that. I was right in my choice.
‘Why should I trust you?’ comes from the warrior. ‘Because I am trusting you.” I reply. “Because I told you so” From Sheppard. This gets the warrior to lower his weapon after a moment. I can tell he just wants to shoot me but Sheppard won’t let him. Sheppard told him no and he has as much control over this man as the Queen does her warriors. I am thinking he has more control the she ever did as this man willingly follows him as do the others I saw back on Atlantis. They follow him because the want to, not because they were breed to. I think that makes them better warriors and him a stronger leader.
Sheppard trusts me to fly us out of the Hive. I get a strange sort of surge of pleasure at that. Sheppard could have left me on the transport when they beamed out but he made sure I went with them. When his ship beams us on to the other ship I stay as close to Sheppard as I can. He stands in front of me and stops the soldiers from killing me. He stands strong between me and the others. Even when our air is going he lets me sit slightly behind him and lean into him as we are slumped on the floor. I can see the glares coming around the bridge pointed at us. But no one does anything. I am getting a strange sort of comfort knowing he is watching over me even as we die. I should be concerned about this but I am not and that scares me more than the death part right now.
I was afraid Sheppard was going to kill me where I stood when we reached the cocoons of his friends and they were empty. I felt regret for their deaths which was strange for me to feel but at the same time I was angry at them and my Queen because he came for them and no one came for me! I wanted to scream my rage at that. Now I was going to die because they were dead. If I had been thinking straight I would have noticed the cuts in the webbing before he did. I felt a great rush of hope and relief when he said that. I may live after all. Now we wait to run out of air. Sheppard includes me when they discuss what to do. I can not help but admire Sheppard when he says he will take his chances on the Hive ship for the chance to live. I find myself staring at him and I find myself speaking out load before I can stop myself. ‘I admire your courage colonel.” I can not stop looking at him and he returns my stare. Yes, this man would make a good Queen. I see something move behind his strange colored eyes. It is something dark and deadly and I shiver but I am not sure if it is excitement or fear I feel. Maybe it is both. I want to live and I realize want this man to live to. That thought also scares me. What am I becoming?
I look out the window of the bridge and watch my Hive. I have a thought, but can I really do that to my people? My Hive? My home? They are my people and my family. But they betrayed me. Took my status and my work. Lied to me and they were going to feed off me, a brother. They were going to kill me for something I had no control over or wanted. Why should I be loyal to them, to HER? It is them or me, us. The Lanteens want to live, I want to live. I have a better chance of living longer with the Lanteens right now then no chance at all with my Hive. I look at Sheppard again and he is watching me with those same dark eyes. It is as if he knows what I thinking. I look back to my Hive and stare at it longingly. I want to go home, be part of the Hive mind again, and belong. I know it is just an illusion. I will never be a real part of a Hive again. I am too different and will never fit in. I might be able to find another Hive willing to take me in as I am a very good engineer and scientist but how long before the Queen found out about my aberration? How long would I really live after that? Not long I know. I am better off with the Lanteens. I will not be alone and I may find a way to talk them into letting me go. Maybe I could work with them for a bit, I never did get to see the city liked I wanted to. Maybe, maybe…….I look at Sheppard again and make my decision. I want to live. ‘Use the retrovirus’ I see shock on everyone’s face at my suggestion. That is everyone’s but Sheppard’s face. He looks me in the eye and nods. He nods and then asks ‘can you fly the Hive ship?’ It is a good question, I am not a pilot but I know the mechanics and have basic training in the Hive navigation. It is just a larger version of the darts and transports that I do know how to fly. Could I fly it? Yes, I could. ‘I could’ He smiles at me and nods again. I get that strange pleasure feeling again at that. I am beginning to think if he smiled at me like that all the time I would do anything he wanted just so I could keep feeling this. That scares me badly. Where is this coming from? Why do I want to please this man? Am I perhaps transferring my races biological need for a Queen and group acceptance to this man? If so why him? He is not even female and wraith as a race look to the females for leadership. They are the center of the Hive and a wraiths whole life revolves around the Queen. She tells us when to hibernate, when to wake, when to eat etc. If that is what is going on why am I not looking to one of the females here or even, Teyla or Dr. Weir back at Atlantis? Those two are both strong women so they would be logical. Sheppard is not logical. But he does have the qualities for a good Queen, a strong and powerful Queen. Have I not been thinking it since he came? I do not know. I will have to think about this all later.
As the one called Colonel Caldwell gives the orders to fire on my Hive again and deliver the retrovirus I can not help looking at my Hive one last time longingly. I have lost my family and home. I turn away. I can not look anymore. I end up looking at Sheppard. He seems to know how lost I am feeling right now but he does not mock me or say anything at all. He clasps my shoulder as he moves past me. I am grateful for this and do not know why. Sheppard tells everyone we should get comfortable as it’s going to be a long ten hours. He settles in a corner and I follow him. He lets me settle slightly behind him again and lets me lean against his shoulder again and I sit and think. I have ten hours after all to figure out what has happened to me in the last several months and what is still happening with me and what the repercussions of this day are going to be. I close my eyes and let myself drift. I will be flying my first Hive ship in ten hours, I will need to feed before we leave as I know it will be very energy intensive flying that large of a ship by myself. A Hive usually has three wraiths flying it. I will have to get Sheppard to let me feed off one of my former brothers before we leave. I don’t think he will have a problem with that; the others though may be a problem. It will have to wait for now. I am alive and safe under Sheppard’s protection for now. I find that a great comfort for some reason I will not think about for now. I have too many other things to think about. I am safe and alive. That is good enough for now.
Title: How ironic is it
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Michael POV with some Sheppard
Word Count: 3,552
Summary: How ironic is it that I-a member of the most powerful and feared race in this galaxy- am now standing behind my most hated enemy and looking to him to save me and protect me from not only his own people but my own?
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't own them or get money from them.
Warnings: Wraith POV so a bit off but compared with most of the entries mine's fluff. I wrote this after 3 days of no sleep so it rambles a bit but that was what I wanted so it worked. Hope it works for you all to. Takes place during No man's land with ref to Michael and Allies. I have a couple dialog lines taken from No man's land also. Don't see anything other that to give warnings for. This was suppose to be about 1,000 words but he got away from me.
How Ironic is it
How ironic is it that I-a member of the most powerful and feared race in this galaxy- am now standing behind my most hated enemy and looking to him to save me and protect me from not only his own people but my own? How did I fall so far that I now look to him for the same things his own people look to him for? What is even more ironic is that he has given it to me.
I was a good wraith, a respected member of my Hive, a respected engineer and scientist among my people. I was placed in equal rank with the warrior commanders; I was an advisor to my young Queen and was even one of the very few select chosen males who will mate with the Queen when she next comes into her mating cycle. I was honored to be chosen to be a mate and to give my life to the Hive and our future survival. As one of the chosen I was given even more respect in the Hive. It is a great honor to be chosen and to know that my line will help father the next generation of eggs. Now that is all gone thanks to the Lanteens.
My life was ruined by the Lanteens. I lost everything because of them. I just did not know it till recently. I was as blind as they. How did this happen? About four months ago I was sent by my Queen with a regular culling to inspect some of our ancient ancestor ruins to see if there was any useable technology we could salvage from the ruins. While there my small group was attack by a group of humans. Not only were we not prepared for any of our food to attack us, they used strange weapons that hurt us, I felt two of my brothers die. It is not something a wraith experiences very often and it hurt terribly. I was captured and taken. They did things to me I can not bring myself to think about. There was pain, so much pain and then I was cut off from my Hive and the comfort of the Hive mind. Then nothing.
They changed me, turned me into something I had never wanted to be. I was now food. They taught me much about being human. More than I thought at the time. I had thought with my escape and return back to myself that it was over but what they did to me changed me. Changed me in ways I never wanted and I am still finding out about. They have made me no longer wraith but something not and in between. I did not know it at first. I was blind or maybe I just didn’t want to see.
When I returned my Queen welcomed me back and I told her of the retrovirus and what I thought we could do with it. She seemed to take me back into her advisors and gave me back my place amongst the Hive and I was glad, happy to be home. My brothers were not so welcoming. Then she changed the plan and I wasn’t told about it. I was shocked by what she did. Not by what she did per say. Food is food after all and a planet with 6 billion humans and numerous other planets just as rich and just waiting to be culled would ensure our Hives’ survival and growth. What I did not understand was why she did not tell me. Why would she not do this? I must understand. What I didn’t see at the time was that a ‘normal’ wraith does not question their Queen. They would never think to do so, they just do. That I asked and wanted to know showed her I was no longer a good wraith, a normal wraith. Why did I not see it at the time? My death was ensured the moment I questioned instead of followed. As the Lanteens say: I should have seen it coming but I was blind. All the fingers were pointing at it When my Queen did not trust me enough to tell me of the change in plans. I should have seen it when she refused to call me by my named but insisted on using Michael, the Lanteens name they gave me. She knew I hated that name but used it any way and used it as often as she could. When she withdrew her favor and called me a disgusting human was the moment I knew, knew I would die shortly after we got to Earth.
When they would not let me do my work I showed defiance again, I could not stop myself. The rage was so strong. I wanted to rip the drones’ heads off but was just able to restrain myself. As I waited in my rooms I had much time to think about how I had been changed. I wanted to howl and scream at the unfairness of it all and that made me want to scream all the louder. Humans question, wonder, poke and show defiance and think things are unfair not Wraith. I keep coming back to one thing: I wanted to live; I wanted to live so badly I was thinking of ways I could escape, get away from my Hive just so I can live. Wraiths don’t think like that, humans do. A wraith thinks of the good of the Hive and the Queen in all things. If she says die for me, you died for her. You don’t question or fight. There is no why. You just die however she wants you to. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I want to live. I know this came from the Lanteens and I hate them all the more for it. I am different, changed.
To a wraith different is bad. We have not changed as a race in over 10,000 years. Eggs with defects are destroyed; we live for a very, very long time and are slow breeders. New Queens will lay eggs more often than a mature Queen will as they must fill the Hive but once the Hive is full she will only breed about once every 500 years or so as the need to replace comes about. Eggs can be stored in stasis for hundreds of years and hatched as needed. It is a perfect system. We don’t need to change. We are already perfect and at the top of the food chain. We rule the galaxy after all. Now I am different and am to be feared. I am looked upon as an abomination. Even though my appearance is almost back to normal I can not do anything about the hair. I will have to go about with a young ones hair till it grows out over time but the mind set is something I can never change. I will never be allowed to live and will never be allowed to breed with the Queen for fear I will pass on my aberration to the eggs.
I sit in my quarters and plan and rage, and then I hear the radio. It is the most beautiful sound I can ever remember hearing. It is disbelief coupled with hope and wonder. I have a second to decide. Do I want to take this chance I have been given and maybe die fighting for my life, maybe live or do I want to just wait for them to come for me. Wait for my death? I am human enough still that I want to live. I want to live so bad I can taste it. I take the chance. ‘Colonel Sheppard?’
He isn’t happy about trusting me but he does it. I do a very unwraith thing and wish him good luck. Wraith don’t believe in luck, I am hoping to all the Gods I ever heard of that luck is real right now and that it is with myself and Sheppard. I take a couple deep breaths then step forward. I do another very unwraith like thing and tell a bold faced lie to the commanders to get their prisoner when they drag him in. No wraith is ever going to lie about the Queen or about anything she says. But I am no longer a good wraith; I lie easily about it and hope they don’t question me. They would never think to do so, after all who questions the Queen? The commanders give Sheppard to me. I am so relieved it worked and that he lives I almost hug Sheppard to me. I am so happy to see this man I am shaking with it.
And that is how I came to look upon this man as my savior and protector. I need to touch him every so often to assure myself he is real and we are doing this, that I am doing this and it is not a dream or a hallucination on my part. Wraiths do not dream but I do now. I have dreamed of this man many times since I was back, but it was never in this capacity. I dreamed of my hatred for him and of myself ripping him apart limb from limb for giving me my hated human name and I dreamed of feeding off of him, sometimes fast and quick and other times long and slow. Still other times I dream of making him suffer for a very, very long time. I have dreamed of making him watch as I feed off his friends and his charges before I take him too. Sometimes I dreamed of taking him as a pet-I have wanted to run my hand over and though his hair since the moment I saw him. He looks very pet able. This thought is very disturbing for me and so very not wraith! Sometimes I dream I could make him my servant. I dream of breaking his will till he serves me willingly and only me. He would make a good status symbol for me. It takes great skill to break a human properly and is not done often but I can do it. Other times I dreamed of using him in my work and experiments. He has the blood of our ancient enemies after all. He could be my pet and I could use him to great advantage as he can use the ancient tech. It would be a great boon to our Hive to have our own ancient. But never in all my many dreams did I dream of this.
He lets me touch him. Just small touches. A brush of my hand, a bump of my shoulder, sometimes a grip on his arm for a moment. Nothing big but it keeps me from falling apart, again how ironic is it this human has become my touchstone. Wraiths don’t need touch and certainly don’t need touchstones! I am finding it very disturbing but I can’t stop myself from doing it. I think he understands my need. He doesn’t stop me from touching him. He has stopped flinching after the first couple of times I touched him which I find comfort in for some strange reason. If tried to touch his chest I know it would be different, he would kill me for sure even if I was just touching and not going to feed. Now he stands firm between me and the warrior called Ronon. I am doubly glad I took the chance he offered. I know I have chosen right. He does not leave people behind. He followed his people into a Hive to get them. No one does this not even other wraith. I know this is not the first time he has done this. I heard the stories on Atlantis. He protects what is his and I am his right now just as much as the two men standing in front of us are his. It is ironic that I am thinking right now he would make a good Hive Queen. Better than my current Queen. She has never risked her life for her people or come after those lost or taken. Sheppard has entered at least three Hives for his people that I know off and he has gotten his people back each time. He has also been face to face with at least three mature Hive Queens and not only beat them but lived. Not even wraith can boast to that. I was right in my choice.
‘Why should I trust you?’ comes from the warrior. ‘Because I am trusting you.” I reply. “Because I told you so” From Sheppard. This gets the warrior to lower his weapon after a moment. I can tell he just wants to shoot me but Sheppard won’t let him. Sheppard told him no and he has as much control over this man as the Queen does her warriors. I am thinking he has more control the she ever did as this man willingly follows him as do the others I saw back on Atlantis. They follow him because the want to, not because they were breed to. I think that makes them better warriors and him a stronger leader.
Sheppard trusts me to fly us out of the Hive. I get a strange sort of surge of pleasure at that. Sheppard could have left me on the transport when they beamed out but he made sure I went with them. When his ship beams us on to the other ship I stay as close to Sheppard as I can. He stands in front of me and stops the soldiers from killing me. He stands strong between me and the others. Even when our air is going he lets me sit slightly behind him and lean into him as we are slumped on the floor. I can see the glares coming around the bridge pointed at us. But no one does anything. I am getting a strange sort of comfort knowing he is watching over me even as we die. I should be concerned about this but I am not and that scares me more than the death part right now.
I was afraid Sheppard was going to kill me where I stood when we reached the cocoons of his friends and they were empty. I felt regret for their deaths which was strange for me to feel but at the same time I was angry at them and my Queen because he came for them and no one came for me! I wanted to scream my rage at that. Now I was going to die because they were dead. If I had been thinking straight I would have noticed the cuts in the webbing before he did. I felt a great rush of hope and relief when he said that. I may live after all. Now we wait to run out of air. Sheppard includes me when they discuss what to do. I can not help but admire Sheppard when he says he will take his chances on the Hive ship for the chance to live. I find myself staring at him and I find myself speaking out load before I can stop myself. ‘I admire your courage colonel.” I can not stop looking at him and he returns my stare. Yes, this man would make a good Queen. I see something move behind his strange colored eyes. It is something dark and deadly and I shiver but I am not sure if it is excitement or fear I feel. Maybe it is both. I want to live and I realize want this man to live to. That thought also scares me. What am I becoming?
I look out the window of the bridge and watch my Hive. I have a thought, but can I really do that to my people? My Hive? My home? They are my people and my family. But they betrayed me. Took my status and my work. Lied to me and they were going to feed off me, a brother. They were going to kill me for something I had no control over or wanted. Why should I be loyal to them, to HER? It is them or me, us. The Lanteens want to live, I want to live. I have a better chance of living longer with the Lanteens right now then no chance at all with my Hive. I look at Sheppard again and he is watching me with those same dark eyes. It is as if he knows what I thinking. I look back to my Hive and stare at it longingly. I want to go home, be part of the Hive mind again, and belong. I know it is just an illusion. I will never be a real part of a Hive again. I am too different and will never fit in. I might be able to find another Hive willing to take me in as I am a very good engineer and scientist but how long before the Queen found out about my aberration? How long would I really live after that? Not long I know. I am better off with the Lanteens. I will not be alone and I may find a way to talk them into letting me go. Maybe I could work with them for a bit, I never did get to see the city liked I wanted to. Maybe, maybe…….I look at Sheppard again and make my decision. I want to live. ‘Use the retrovirus’ I see shock on everyone’s face at my suggestion. That is everyone’s but Sheppard’s face. He looks me in the eye and nods. He nods and then asks ‘can you fly the Hive ship?’ It is a good question, I am not a pilot but I know the mechanics and have basic training in the Hive navigation. It is just a larger version of the darts and transports that I do know how to fly. Could I fly it? Yes, I could. ‘I could’ He smiles at me and nods again. I get that strange pleasure feeling again at that. I am beginning to think if he smiled at me like that all the time I would do anything he wanted just so I could keep feeling this. That scares me badly. Where is this coming from? Why do I want to please this man? Am I perhaps transferring my races biological need for a Queen and group acceptance to this man? If so why him? He is not even female and wraith as a race look to the females for leadership. They are the center of the Hive and a wraiths whole life revolves around the Queen. She tells us when to hibernate, when to wake, when to eat etc. If that is what is going on why am I not looking to one of the females here or even, Teyla or Dr. Weir back at Atlantis? Those two are both strong women so they would be logical. Sheppard is not logical. But he does have the qualities for a good Queen, a strong and powerful Queen. Have I not been thinking it since he came? I do not know. I will have to think about this all later.
As the one called Colonel Caldwell gives the orders to fire on my Hive again and deliver the retrovirus I can not help looking at my Hive one last time longingly. I have lost my family and home. I turn away. I can not look anymore. I end up looking at Sheppard. He seems to know how lost I am feeling right now but he does not mock me or say anything at all. He clasps my shoulder as he moves past me. I am grateful for this and do not know why. Sheppard tells everyone we should get comfortable as it’s going to be a long ten hours. He settles in a corner and I follow him. He lets me settle slightly behind him again and lets me lean against his shoulder again and I sit and think. I have ten hours after all to figure out what has happened to me in the last several months and what is still happening with me and what the repercussions of this day are going to be. I close my eyes and let myself drift. I will be flying my first Hive ship in ten hours, I will need to feed before we leave as I know it will be very energy intensive flying that large of a ship by myself. A Hive usually has three wraiths flying it. I will have to get Sheppard to let me feed off one of my former brothers before we leave. I don’t think he will have a problem with that; the others though may be a problem. It will have to wait for now. I am alive and safe under Sheppard’s protection for now. I find that a great comfort for some reason I will not think about for now. I have too many other things to think about. I am safe and alive. That is good enough for now.