Fic: Breathe for the Earthside Challenge
Title: Breathe
Author: The Lady of Shadows
Archive: Eventually at my site and at my yahoo!group
Pairings:McShep
Warnings:Angst!Highlight for further warnings!character death
Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or Shania Twain's 'It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing.' I'm using them for fun so don't sue.
Notes:Thanks for Penny Slade for the beta. This fic was inspired by above mentioned song. I'm in a very artistic mood right now, so there are illustrations with this fic. They are done in watercolor pencil.
Summary: John left Rodney and Atlantis two years ago, never to return. Now Rodney has returned to Earth and has gone to John's new residence to talk to him for one last time.
Breathe
Rodney picked up his carry-all, everything he needed for his trip back to Earth in it. He sighed softly and left his quarters heading toward the transporter down the hall. He stepped out of the transporter moving swiftly toward the gate room. He stopped as he saw Ronon and Teyla waiting for him. He paused, sad eyes regarding them. He saw the gifts they each held for John. A set of intricately carved fighting sticks from Teyla and a set of fine daggers imbedded in black, velvet like substance from Ronon. He opened his bag and let them place the gifts within. Teyla reached up, grasping his head in both hands, bringing it down to touch their foreheads together. Rodney closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. It was time to go see John.
Elizabeth stepped forward, a question in her eyes. She studied him intently; sorrow slowly creeping over her face. “You don’t have to go, Rodney. He’s gone,” she sighed deeply. “And he’s not going to come back. No matter how much you want him to. No matter how much you wish for his return to Atlantis.”
“I know, Elizabeth. It does not matter. I just . . .” he paused for a moment, pain flickering across his face. “I just need to see him.”
Elizabeth shook her head sadly, “Alright Rodney. If that’s what you wish. I still think you should let sleeping dog’s lie though.”
Rodney smiled sadly at her and put his hand on her shoulder. “I tried to do that and it just hasn’t worked. I think the only way to put our relationship behind me is if I go see him. I think if I . . .” his voice trailed off and Elizabeth nodded in understanding.
‘Yes, I need to see him. He left me two years ago and I still miss him. I still love him. I have to let go. I know that. That’s why I have to go see Jo. . .’ his thoughts were cut off as the Stargate whooshed open. It was time to go. He walked up the steps toward the Stargate pausing to turn and nod farewell to Teyla, Ronon, and Elizabeth before stepping through.
Seconds later he was in Atlantis heading down the ramp to greet General’s Landry and O’Neill. After they finished greeting each other, he and General O’Neil began the trek to the elevator. “Well Rodney, it’s good to see you again.”
“You too, general.”
Jack smiled sadly. John’s absence from Atlantis did not do Rodney any good. “So, you’re going to go see John.”
Rodney smiled softly, a lost look in his eye. “Yes, I am.”
Jack nodded, “A car is ready for you up above. Along with the directions to where he’s located.”
“Thank-you, General.”
* * *
Rodney drove away form the mountain, heading to John’s new home on Earth. Rodney peered at the directions O’Neill had left him. He was to turn right up here. A store sign caught his eye and he decided to park the car and go in. He needed to get something for John. He quickly made his selection and paid for his gift. He strode swiftly to the side of his car, placing his gift gently into the passenger seat and then got in, starting it up.
He continued on his journey to John’s new home. ‘What am I going to say? What am I going to do? I know I have to let him go and forget but it is so hard.’
He saw the sign he was looking for and turned into the parking lot. He parked his car and got out. He quickly gathered up Teyla and Ronon’s gifts as well as his own and followed the path that O’Neill’s map said led to John. It was a beautiful summer day and with every step he took towards John, the more he wished it was a dreary, rainy day to better reflect his mood. He sighed, looked to the right and saw John.
Rodney closed his eyes and then slowly walked over to John’s location. He cleared his throat and then hesitantly said, “Well, John it has been two years. How . . . how have you been doing since you left? I hope it has been good. I’m . . . I’m doing fine. I’m surprised on how well I’ve been doing since you left.” He looked down at the gifts in his arms, tears forming in his eyes. He took a deep breathe. “It’s not that bad, really, it’s not. I have survived quite well since you left. I think I’m over the worst of the heartbreak you inflicted upon me. I feel quite alive and can’t complain after all you . . . you set me free.” His voice cracked on free, he desperately looked up at the sky. Trying to get his composure back he took a shaky breath and looked at where John was resting in the shade. “John, you don’t know what you’ve missed since you left us. Let me tell you what Radek did on . . .”
Rodney went on to describe the past two years that John had missed. He slowly looked down. “John,” Rodney closed his eyes. “Oh John, your being gone,” Rodney paused and whispered viciously, “Who am I kidding. You’re being gone only hurts . . . it only hurts when I am breathing. My heart only breaks when it’s beating. And my dreams only die when I’m dreaming. I miss you so god-damned much! Why?” He screamed and fell to his knees, dumping John’s gifts to the ground at the foot of the marble tombstone.
He lifted a shaky hand and glided his fingertips over John’s name. “Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me here alone? Why? The pain hasn’t left, it hasn’t gone away! I cry for you every night without fail. It’s been two years. I still can’t get over losing you.”
He looked down at the gifts scattered at the foot of John’s tombstone. The fighting sticks, the daggers, and the dozen red roses he had bought at the florists and wept. In the shadowed corner of the graveyard, Rodney McKay cried for the loss of his lover and best friend. Remembering how the mission they were on had gone wrong. How they were attacked by strangers in an empty Ancient outpost. How John had fallen behind them, guarding their backs as they ran back to the nearby Stargate. And how just as they had gotten the gate open, the outpost blew up, taking their attackers and John with it. Rodney looked at the tombstone once again and leaned his wet cheek against the cool stone. “It only hurts, John, when I breathe.”
Author: The Lady of Shadows
Archive: Eventually at my site and at my yahoo!group
Pairings:McShep
Warnings:Angst!Highlight for further warnings!character death
Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or Shania Twain's 'It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing.' I'm using them for fun so don't sue.
Notes:Thanks for Penny Slade for the beta. This fic was inspired by above mentioned song. I'm in a very artistic mood right now, so there are illustrations with this fic. They are done in watercolor pencil.
Summary: John left Rodney and Atlantis two years ago, never to return. Now Rodney has returned to Earth and has gone to John's new residence to talk to him for one last time.
Breathe
Rodney picked up his carry-all, everything he needed for his trip back to Earth in it. He sighed softly and left his quarters heading toward the transporter down the hall. He stepped out of the transporter moving swiftly toward the gate room. He stopped as he saw Ronon and Teyla waiting for him. He paused, sad eyes regarding them. He saw the gifts they each held for John. A set of intricately carved fighting sticks from Teyla and a set of fine daggers imbedded in black, velvet like substance from Ronon. He opened his bag and let them place the gifts within. Teyla reached up, grasping his head in both hands, bringing it down to touch their foreheads together. Rodney closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. It was time to go see John.
Elizabeth stepped forward, a question in her eyes. She studied him intently; sorrow slowly creeping over her face. “You don’t have to go, Rodney. He’s gone,” she sighed deeply. “And he’s not going to come back. No matter how much you want him to. No matter how much you wish for his return to Atlantis.”
“I know, Elizabeth. It does not matter. I just . . .” he paused for a moment, pain flickering across his face. “I just need to see him.”
Elizabeth shook her head sadly, “Alright Rodney. If that’s what you wish. I still think you should let sleeping dog’s lie though.”
Rodney smiled sadly at her and put his hand on her shoulder. “I tried to do that and it just hasn’t worked. I think the only way to put our relationship behind me is if I go see him. I think if I . . .” his voice trailed off and Elizabeth nodded in understanding.
‘Yes, I need to see him. He left me two years ago and I still miss him. I still love him. I have to let go. I know that. That’s why I have to go see Jo. . .’ his thoughts were cut off as the Stargate whooshed open. It was time to go. He walked up the steps toward the Stargate pausing to turn and nod farewell to Teyla, Ronon, and Elizabeth before stepping through.
Seconds later he was in Atlantis heading down the ramp to greet General’s Landry and O’Neill. After they finished greeting each other, he and General O’Neil began the trek to the elevator. “Well Rodney, it’s good to see you again.”
“You too, general.”
Jack smiled sadly. John’s absence from Atlantis did not do Rodney any good. “So, you’re going to go see John.”
Rodney smiled softly, a lost look in his eye. “Yes, I am.”
Jack nodded, “A car is ready for you up above. Along with the directions to where he’s located.”
“Thank-you, General.”
* * *
Rodney drove away form the mountain, heading to John’s new home on Earth. Rodney peered at the directions O’Neill had left him. He was to turn right up here. A store sign caught his eye and he decided to park the car and go in. He needed to get something for John. He quickly made his selection and paid for his gift. He strode swiftly to the side of his car, placing his gift gently into the passenger seat and then got in, starting it up.
He continued on his journey to John’s new home. ‘What am I going to say? What am I going to do? I know I have to let him go and forget but it is so hard.’
He saw the sign he was looking for and turned into the parking lot. He parked his car and got out. He quickly gathered up Teyla and Ronon’s gifts as well as his own and followed the path that O’Neill’s map said led to John. It was a beautiful summer day and with every step he took towards John, the more he wished it was a dreary, rainy day to better reflect his mood. He sighed, looked to the right and saw John.
Rodney closed his eyes and then slowly walked over to John’s location. He cleared his throat and then hesitantly said, “Well, John it has been two years. How . . . how have you been doing since you left? I hope it has been good. I’m . . . I’m doing fine. I’m surprised on how well I’ve been doing since you left.” He looked down at the gifts in his arms, tears forming in his eyes. He took a deep breathe. “It’s not that bad, really, it’s not. I have survived quite well since you left. I think I’m over the worst of the heartbreak you inflicted upon me. I feel quite alive and can’t complain after all you . . . you set me free.” His voice cracked on free, he desperately looked up at the sky. Trying to get his composure back he took a shaky breath and looked at where John was resting in the shade. “John, you don’t know what you’ve missed since you left us. Let me tell you what Radek did on . . .”
Rodney went on to describe the past two years that John had missed. He slowly looked down. “John,” Rodney closed his eyes. “Oh John, your being gone,” Rodney paused and whispered viciously, “Who am I kidding. You’re being gone only hurts . . . it only hurts when I am breathing. My heart only breaks when it’s beating. And my dreams only die when I’m dreaming. I miss you so god-damned much! Why?” He screamed and fell to his knees, dumping John’s gifts to the ground at the foot of the marble tombstone.
He lifted a shaky hand and glided his fingertips over John’s name. “Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me here alone? Why? The pain hasn’t left, it hasn’t gone away! I cry for you every night without fail. It’s been two years. I still can’t get over losing you.”
He looked down at the gifts scattered at the foot of John’s tombstone. The fighting sticks, the daggers, and the dozen red roses he had bought at the florists and wept. In the shadowed corner of the graveyard, Rodney McKay cried for the loss of his lover and best friend. Remembering how the mission they were on had gone wrong. How they were attacked by strangers in an empty Ancient outpost. How John had fallen behind them, guarding their backs as they ran back to the nearby Stargate. And how just as they had gotten the gate open, the outpost blew up, taking their attackers and John with it. Rodney looked at the tombstone once again and leaned his wet cheek against the cool stone. “It only hurts, John, when I breathe.”