Practical by musigneus (7DS challenge)

[musigneus]

Title: Practical
Pairing: Dex/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ronon is practical. He’d like Sheppard to be.
Notes: Set after Trinity. Thanks to dark_cygnet for betaing.


Ronon considered himself a practical man. He had to be, to have survived. So he wondered, sometimes, why he was sticking around with Teyla Emmagan and these people from Earth. They were not practical. Rather, sometimes they were, and sometimes, inexplicably and unpredictably, they weren't.

Like now.

They'd spent hours on this backwater little planet, with Sheppard and Teyla talking, talking, talking, and the group of elders shaking their heads regretfully. No, very sorry, but they couldn't permit the offworlders to visit the shrine of the ancestors. No, not even for a few minutes, just to walk around the outside.

Ronon thought McKay was about to explode from frustration; it was a good thing that scanner was sturdy, or it would've broken, the way McKay was clutching it while he made strangled spluttering noises and alternated glaring at the elders and staring longingly up the hill where whatever was producing those "fascinating energy readings" was hidden.

The practical thing, of course, would have been to cloak the jumper, fly it up the hill, run McKay's scan, and get out before anyone noticed they were even up there - but here they were, still talking. Waiting for permission to do what they all knew they could just do. It didn't make sense.

But that was how Sheppard wanted to play it, so Ronon waited and kept his attention on the crowd. There was no reason to be stupid, even if the villagers did all look friendly enough. Some were curious. Some were bored. The twitchy little man who'd brought them before the elders - Fleegan, or something like that - was wringing his hands. He was probably upset because it didn't look like he was going to get McKay's flashlight after all, Ronon thought cynically. No permission to visit the shrine, no offworld toy as a reward for Fleegan...

Ronon had been paying more attention to the villagers than to what Sheppard and Teyla and the elders were saying, so when they all suddenly stood up and bowed to each other, he wasn't sure if Sheppard was giving up or if he'd gotten somewhere.

"Well?" McKay demanded. He must not have been paying attention either.

"We're going to take a walk around the village. Have a little lunch," Sheppard said evenly. "We'll talk more later." Any frustration he felt was well hidden as he smiled and nodded to one of the elders' wives.

"Lunch?" McKay hissed, "This is ridiculous. We should just-"

"No, McKay. Besides, I'm hungry, you're always hungry - what's not to like about lunch?"

McKay's lips tightened, but he subsided. Ronon thought he'd folded faster than usual; maybe he'd learned something from blowing up a solar system. Or maybe he just wanted lunch.

They took Sheppard's walk, ending on a grassy bank near a shallow, slow-flowing river.

Sheppard cocked his head. "Well. Looks like a nice place for a picnic to me."

"Finally!" McKay flopped gracelessly onto the ground and started rummaging in his pack. "I thought-"

Ronon turned toward a flash of movement, his hand near his gun. From the corner of his eye he saw Sheppard and Teyla unobtrusively readying themselves; McKay grumbled on, oblivious.

Fleegan jogged up to them, casting anxious glances over his shoulder.

"Joining us for lunch?" Sheppard drawled.

"No, I... Thank you, but..."

That hand wringing was really getting on Ronon's nerves.

"The elders aren't going to let you go, are they?" Fleegan asked.

"Doesn't look that way at the moment, but we haven't given up yet," Sheppard replied easily.

Sheppard was watching Fleegan, so Ronon watched the underbrush.

"You could... If you really want to visit the shrine, you should go in the river. Then they'd have to let you," Fleegan blurted.

Sheppard's eyebrow quirked. "You want us to swim in the river?"

"No, no, just you. Or him," the little man said, pointing at Ronon. "She's too small," he continued, pointing at Teyla, and then at McKay, "and he's too, um-"

"Too smart?" McKay supplied. "I'm not going in there! Who knows what kind of parasites and bacteria live in that water, and there might be-"

"You don't have to swim, just wade," Fleegan broke in on McKay's tirade. He looked around nervously. "Don't tell anyone I told you," he said urgently, backing away.

Sheppard asked, "Why will they let us go if I wade in the river?"

Fleegan didn't answer, just called, "They will!" as he vanished around a curve in the footpath back toward the village.

"Teyla?" Sheppard asked.

"My people have never traded on this world, Colonel. I'm not familiar with their customs," she shrugged.

McKay said something scathing about primitive purification rituals, and Sheppard muttered, "We've done stranger things." More loudly he said, "Fine. Looks like I'm going wading. Ronon, Teyla, keep your eyes open..."

"At least let Carson have a look at a water sample first," McKay urged. "It's probably full of-"

"I'll keep my boots on," Sheppard said impatiently, walking toward the water.

"I'd be more worried about snakes, myself," Ronon said, just to hear McKay's "Oh, God. Do you think there are snakes in there?" and Sheppard's sarcastic "Thanks." He grinned.

Sheppard waded out cautiously, moving slowly across the muddy bottom and avoiding any rocks that looked large enough to be hiding unpleasant surprises under them.

Ronon scanned the surroundings, keeping a close eye on the path back to the village. He wasn't certain, but he thought Fleegan was still there, just out of sight.

The splashing stopped, and Ronon glanced at Sheppard.

"This better be far enough," Sheppard said, peering down. The water was just over his knees. "It gets deeper fast from here, and I don't really feel like going for a swim." He had turned and begun making his way back toward them when he suddenly grimaced and staggered.

Ronon had his gun up before he realized there was nothing to shoot. Teyla was running toward the water, but Sheppard threw up his hand.

"No! Don't come in," he ordered. "I stepped on something, some kind of spiny fish. In the mud."

"I thought you had your boots on!" McKay protested.

"I do," Sheppard said curtly. "The damn thing went right through them."

By the time he limped to the bank, he was pale and starting to sweat. Teyla helped him sit, and Ronon knocked Sheppard's hands away from his boot and pulled it off himself, carefully avoiding the thin spine still protruding from the sole.

Sheppard's lips were thin and tight as Ronon peeled off his sock to reveal a small, red puncture in his heel. "I need Beckett. I think it had some kind of-"

Ronon grabbed Sheppard's ankle in one hand and held it steady, propped on his own knee. He raised one of his smallest knives in the other hand. "This is going to hurt."

Sheppard winced, then leaned back on his elbows and nodded. He didn't make a sound, but at the second cut he arched back so hard his head thudded against the ground.

Ronon bent his head and sucked hard, spit a mouthful of blood on the ground, and sucked again.

"Oh my God. That's disgusting!"

McKay. Typical. Ronon spit and sucked again.

"Hey!" Sheppard protested. "My feet aren't disgusting. I bathe. In fact, I just washed them..."

"Ronon is trying to draw the poison out of the wound," Teyla explained.

"I know that," McKay sputtered indignantly. "But-"

Ronon traded a quick amused glance with Sheppard, then looked past him as he saw movement on the path. He spit, reaching for his gun. "Company."

Fleegan was back, and he'd brought what looked like half the village with him.

~*~

No one was shooting, so Ronon kept working on Sheppard while Fleegan pointed out that the offworlder had stepped on a krell fish and the horrified elders apologized - the river was full of krell fish, everyone knew not to go in the water, no one thought to mention that, and what was he doing in the river anyway?

"It was a hot day. I thought I could stand to cool off," Sheppard said. His voice sounded pleasant and repentant, but the look he gave Fleegan as he spoke made the little man start wringing his hands again.

"We need to know more about this...krell fish," Teyla said firmly. "Its spines appear to be poisonous - is the Colonel in any danger?"

Her question set off a new round of recriminations and apologies. The only part Ronon paid attention to was the bit where the elders agreed Sheppard needed to get to the shrine of the ancestors right away, since that was the only place where the valda plant whose sap was used to neutralize krell fish venom grew.

"Cunning little bastard," Sheppard muttered under his breath, glaring at Fleegan and pulling out a small bandage.

Ronon spit and nodded, then watched Sheppard slap the bandage on his heel. He was still sweating, although he wasn't pale anymore. If anything, he was flushed.

"Looks like we're going for another walk," Sheppard said, gathering himself.

Ronon leaned down and, taking Sheppard's wrist, pulled him to his feet - which Sheppard was expecting - and then boosted him over his shoulders - which Sheppard was not.

"Let's go," Ronon said, settling Sheppard firmly behind his neck, one hand still on Sheppard's wrist, the other on Sheppard's leg.

The villagers stared at him. Teyla hid a smile behind her hand. Sheppard hissed, "Put me down."

Fleegan darted up the path - he'd been appointed to show them the way, and more importantly, find this valda plant for them - and Ronon strode after him.

"Ronon," Sheppard said dangerously. "Put me down, I'm walking."

It had taken Ronon a while, but he'd figured out that orders here were different than orders on Sateda. Teyla understood Sheppard's orders, and he thought he did too, now.

"That wasn't an order, was it, Sheppard?" he said mildly. "Because I'd figured you for someone too smart to give an order he knows won't be obeyed."

Sheppard went deadly still.

Ronon wanted to see that restrained ferocity with which Sheppard had told him he couldn't order a pizza - whatever the hell that was - make a reappearance, but he didn't think getting mad would be good for Sheppard right now, so he added, "The venom should spread slower if you're still. This will be faster than going for the jumper."

"Ronon is correct, Colonel," Teyla said soothingly. "Please, just remain quiet. I will go ahead with Fleegan and locate this plant."

"I'm thinking I'm outnumbered here," Sheppard grumbled, but he relaxed in Ronon's hold.

Now that he was sure Sheppard wasn't about to kick or go for his gun, Ronon shifted so the weight was spread more comfortably on his shoulders. Sheppard's thigh was warm and solid under Ronon's hand; Ronon told himself this was really not a good time to imagine what it would feel like without Sheppard's clothes in the way.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, maybe we should get you back to-"

"I'm fine, Rodney. They said this plant works-"

"For them, maybe, but-"

Ronon glared, but McKay kept fussing. Luckily, the hill was steep enough that after a couple of minutes McKay had to stop talking to keep up. By the time they neared the top, McKay was panting so loudly that Ronon almost missed hearing when Sheppard's breathing became shallow and erratic.

"Almost there."

"Thank God," McKay answered, as if Ronon had been talking to him.

And then Teyla was in front of them with a handful of succulent plant stalks dripping sap everywhere, and Ronon laid Sheppard on the ground and helped Teyla rub the goo into his skin while McKay yelled at Fleegan about flashlights and greed and presumption and taking chances with other people's lives.

Sheppard's breathing got easier as whatever was in the sap got absorbed through his skin just like the elders had said it would. Ronon hoped he didn't have to go step on a krell fish himself now because he was soaking the stuff up too, but he kept rubbing while Teyla twisted the plant to squeeze more sap out.

McKay was shouting something about pride being deadly when Teyla got up and, leaving Ronon rubbing the last of the stuff onto Sheppard's foot, went over and put her hand on his arm. "Dr. McKay..."

McKay broke off mid-sentence and went rather pale, looking at Sheppard.

"Yeah. Well, we're here now and I'm not dead," Sheppard said evenly, looking at McKay. "But for future reference, I'd appreciate knowing what the plan is in advance," he added, turning his attention to Fleegan. "Before you poison me."

Fleegan nodded, still wringing his hands and darting longing looks at the flashlight hanging from McKay's belt.

"Oh for- Here," McKay said, shoving it at him.

"I'm going to rest a few minutes before we head back down," Sheppard said. "So why don't you two take a little walk while you're waiting."

"Take a walk? Oh, for the jumper. Good idea, we'll just-"

"Rodney." Exasperation edged Sheppard's voice.

Ronon kept rubbing. McKay was smart, but Sheppard was way more practical.

Teyla tapped McKay's scanner and tilted her head expressively in the direction of the ruins the villagers called a shrine, and McKay said, "Oh. Right. We'll just...take a walk." He gestured vaguely in the direction of the ruins, then said hesitantly, "Colonel..."

"I'm fine, Rodney," Sheppard said. "Take a hike. I'll just lie here and take advantage of Ronon's foot fetish."

McKay snorted. As he and Teyla moved off, her questioning "Foot fetish?" drifted back, followed by McKay's disjointed explanation.

Ronon frowned. It figured Sheppard's people would have weird ideas about sex. Things on Sateda were much simpler. More practical. If you were interested, and they were interested, and neither of you was already committed, you did something about it.

"Not that I'm not enjoying the foot rub, but I think I'm cured," Sheppard drawled.

Ronon looked him over. His breathing was even, his color almost back to normal.

"Thanks."

Ronon tilted his head slightly. "No problem."

Before he let go of Sheppard's foot, he slid one thumb delicately over the bone on Sheppard's ankle, into the hollow behind it. Holding Sheppard's eyes, he moved his hand smoothly up Sheppard's calf.

Sheppard twitched and his eyes widened in surprise but not, Ronon thought, disgust. Or disinterest.

Ronon sat back on his heels, watching Sheppard watch him.

Ronon was a practical man. Sheppard could be practical too.

Ronon really hoped Sheppard could be practical about this.

ETA: Go on to Impractical.