FIC: Infirmary Rules of Conduct, by Dr. Dredd (documentation)
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And one more from Carson, because I can't resist tormenting the doc! With apologies to Monty Python. :-)
MEMO
TO: Atlantis Expedition Members
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett
RE: Infirmary rules and regulations
Ladies and gentlemen, although I would prefer to treat you all as adults, the recent behavior of a few of your colleagues has forced me to develop a list of ground rules for the infirmary:
1.) Please report all important symptoms and injuries to the medical staff when returning from off-world missions. Saying “I’m fine” with blood running down your arm is not very convincing.
2.) By important symptoms, I do not mean dry, flaky skin or itchy feet.
3.) Please refrain from referring to the infirmary as a prison.
4.) While personal items may be used by patients, it is important that other patients in the infirmary not be disturbed by this. As an example, singing and playing prison spirituals on one’s guitar is not helpful for people trying to rest. (See also Rule #3 above.)
5.) Alcoholism is an important cause of vitamin B12 deficiency. Anyone caught smuggling alcohol to patients will receive a vitamin B12 shot right in the arse. So will the intended recipient.
6.) There is no Rule #6.
Above all, please use common sense. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
- The CMO
And one more from Carson, because I can't resist tormenting the doc! With apologies to Monty Python. :-)
MEMO
TO: Atlantis Expedition Members
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett
RE: Infirmary rules and regulations
Ladies and gentlemen, although I would prefer to treat you all as adults, the recent behavior of a few of your colleagues has forced me to develop a list of ground rules for the infirmary:
1.) Please report all important symptoms and injuries to the medical staff when returning from off-world missions. Saying “I’m fine” with blood running down your arm is not very convincing.
2.) By important symptoms, I do not mean dry, flaky skin or itchy feet.
3.) Please refrain from referring to the infirmary as a prison.
4.) While personal items may be used by patients, it is important that other patients in the infirmary not be disturbed by this. As an example, singing and playing prison spirituals on one’s guitar is not helpful for people trying to rest. (See also Rule #3 above.)
5.) Alcoholism is an important cause of vitamin B12 deficiency. Anyone caught smuggling alcohol to patients will receive a vitamin B12 shot right in the arse. So will the intended recipient.
6.) There is no Rule #6.
Above all, please use common sense. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
- The CMO