Fic - "Hazy Day" - for the Food and Building Challenge
Title: Hazy Day
Category: Humor
Rating: PG
Summary:
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, despite being covered head to toe in honey, still managed to look rakishly relaxed.
It drove Rodney insane.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: Written for the "Food and building" Challenge.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, despite being covered head to toe in honey, still managed to look rakishly relaxed.
It drove Rodney insane.
Admittedly, the substance may not have been actual honey, they were on an alien planet after all. It was viscous, sweet smelling and a dark gold in colour and apparently all part of some celebration that they had unwittingly stumbled into. This had led to the Colonel standing as he always did, weight slightly favouring one hip, hands resting on the butt of his P-90, head canted slightly and hair spiky, probably a little more so than usual given their sticky covering.
Rodney, on the other hand, felt slimy and miserable.
He consoled himself with the fact that both Teyla and Ronon were not faring much better than he was. Teyla looked positively drowned and Ronon was having trouble maintaining his usual acerbic demeanor. He was trying to glower but it wasn’t quite having the same effect as it usually did. Rodney would have found it all quite amusing if he wasn’t sure he looked just as bad, or possibly worse.
“What, pray tell, was this in aid of again?” Rodney snapped, directing his question at Teyla. She rolled her eyes and started ringing out her hair to at least lessen the extra weight added by being drenched.
“So far as I can translate, it is, I think a harvest festival of some kind. I have already told you, though, that my Palasian is not very good.”
“So, it could actually be anything!” Rodney retorted, throwing his hands up in the air.
“It is definitely a festival. The word I’m unsure of is the kind. A lot of Palasian words are the same but the pronunciation changes what one is describing.”
“You’re all kinds of useful!”
“Alright, knock it off.” John drawled, still looking annoyingly calm about the whole proceedings. “Maybe the word you’re looking for is hazing. You’ll notice that the newcomers are the only ones wearing the goo.” John indicated the surrounding people with a swivel of his head and the others looked as well, all nodding.
“I got through my entire school career without having to endure this barbaric custom.” Rodney snarked.
“Relax, Rodney. There’s worse fates than being covered in a little sticky stuff. Try being handcuffed naked in a woman’s locker room.”
Rodney looked at John who quirked and eyebrow and grinned.
“Fine. Is there any way of knowing when we can leave without being rude?” Rodney demanded. He could swear the substance was hardening a little.
“I’ve heard that some of the Palasian festivals can go for days.” Teyla said, grimacing and Rodney turned on her.
“What?”
“I’m sure we can make our apologies and skedaddle soon.” John countered, waving a placatory hand.
“Not before that’s finished.” Ronon interjected, pointing towards a group of the youngest natives gathering at a large platform.
“My god… is that-?”
“They’re doing a human pyramid!” Rodney exclaimed. “Now I really am in hell. They just need to start playing football to really kill me.”
“They certainly are a festive lot.” John chuckled.
Teyla had been looking at her hands and now flexed the fingers slowly, closed and then open, closed and then open again. “I think there may be something in this substance.” She said, her brow furrowed. “My hands are tingling.”
“Oh God!” Rodney squeaked. “Teyla’s our canary. We’re doomed!”
“Canary?” Ronon asked, looking at John.
John sighed. “Back on earth, miners would take a canary down into tunnels when they were digging. If they happened to release something toxic, the canary would die first because it was so little. I think Rodney’s trying to say that if we’ve been drugged then it will affect Teyla first because she’s smaller than us.”
“No, what’s a canary?” Ronon clarified and John snorted.
“It is getting more pronounced.” Teyla intoned and they all looked at her and then each other.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine. We should probably head back to Atlantis, just in case though,” John suggested, hooking a thumb back in the direction of the ‘gate.
Right at that moment, Ronon giggled.
“Better go now, hmm?” John said, casting a worried glance at the still giggling man.
xxxxxx
Stilted explanations by Teyla allowed them to escape. When they emerged from the ‘gate there was a team in hasmat suits waiting to usher them down to the infirmary to Carson, who, after giggling himself for a time, finally took some samples and sent them all to the showers.
An hour later, Rodney was admitting defeat. “It won’t all come off.” He snapped, scowling at his skin as if it had betrayed him. He’d managed to remove most of the excess but there was still a thin film left clinging stubbornly. They’d been trooped down to the communal showers and so John leaned around his own and regarded Rodney.
“I know. Let’s go see if Carson has any ideas.”
They could hear Ronon cursing and occasionally giggling from the next stall. Rodney himself was feeling heavy and a little sleepy but John didn’t seem affected. He was reassured by this and thought whatever they’d been doused in, it must have been pretty mild.
They collected Ronon and all, clad only in robes, trudged back up to the infirmary.
“I don’t know what to tell ye.” Carson said apologetically. “It’s a natural compound and nothing like I’ve ever seen. It’s not especially harmful, seems to be having the same effect as being mildly stoned.” All looked at Ronon who hiccupped and blinked back at them blearily.
“How do we get the rest of it off?” Rodney asked, scratching absently at his neck.
“Not sure about that, but maybe soaking in some liquid cleaner will help. Same principle as a saucepan with baked on grime. You were out in the sun on that planet.” Carson offered.
“Where are we supposed to soak?” Rodney demanded.
“There’s actually something that’s about the size of a kiddie pool a floor down that I’ve had people filling with boiling water for the last ten minutes or so. We found something smaller that Teyla is using.”
“You don’t mean we have to do this together?” Rodney positively squeaked.
“The longer it’s on your skin, the more it seems to soak in. I’d rather your exposure was minimized even though it seems like this stuff is harmless. I’m not going to risk it in any case just for your modesty.”
“Fine!” Rodney threw up his hands and stomped off in the direction Carson had indicated. John looked at Carson and shrugged, hooking Ronon by the elbow and following Rodney.
The overwhelming sleepiness became too much once Rodney was immersed in hot water. He sighed contentedly. Despite the circumstances, it had been too long since he’d been able to take a bath and he would force enjoyment out of the situation. He left himself drift off and was enjoying the sensation of someone playing with his hair when he remembered who he was in the large bath with.
Rodney cracked open an eye and could see John leaning over him, a look of intense concentration on his face. “What are you doing?” Rodney asked slowly. He risked a glance at Ronon and could see the larger man watching them, looking amused.
“Giving you a Mohawk.” John replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Why?” Rodney was feeling a little more level headed and was hoping it meant the stuff was either coming off or wearing off.
“Because I tried horns but Ronon said they looked funny.” John answered. He seemed to finish because he sat back and looked at his work critically. “Hmm, not quite right either.” He looked to Ronon for confirmation who pulled a face. “Maybe the astroboy look?” John proposed and Rodney felt John’s long fingers tangle in his hair again, smooshing it around and preparing it for his next project.
Rodney wondered why he was letting John do what he was doing but then skirted away from that line of thought, not really quite ready yet to follow it to it’s inevitable conclusion.
“What’s astroboy?” Ronon asked and John giggled.
“I think I like harvest-hazing festivals.” John sighed. He finished up and let himself drift back to the other side of the large tub that was actually more the size of a small above ground pool.
Rodney heard the patter of bare feet behind him and turned his head to see Teyla enter the large room and lower herself on the side of the tub. She had what looked like an enormous bowl of military issue red jello that she was digging into with a large spoon and quite a bit of gusto.
“Helloooo.” She said, tilting her head and grinning.
Rodney looked at two of the hardest men he had ever met and how they now lolled in the water, both looking contented and more relaxed than he had ever seen them. He watched as Teyla Emmagen, hero to her people and shouldering the world was hungrily devouring jello with a childish abandon.
He sunk down a little in the water until it lapped at his chin.
Alien hazing was certainly embarrassing and uncomfortable, but he found he didn’t mind it.
Not much at all.
“What did you do to your hair?” Teyla asked.
Category: Humor
Rating: PG
Summary:
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, despite being covered head to toe in honey, still managed to look rakishly relaxed.
It drove Rodney insane.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: Written for the "Food and building" Challenge.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, despite being covered head to toe in honey, still managed to look rakishly relaxed.
It drove Rodney insane.
Admittedly, the substance may not have been actual honey, they were on an alien planet after all. It was viscous, sweet smelling and a dark gold in colour and apparently all part of some celebration that they had unwittingly stumbled into. This had led to the Colonel standing as he always did, weight slightly favouring one hip, hands resting on the butt of his P-90, head canted slightly and hair spiky, probably a little more so than usual given their sticky covering.
Rodney, on the other hand, felt slimy and miserable.
He consoled himself with the fact that both Teyla and Ronon were not faring much better than he was. Teyla looked positively drowned and Ronon was having trouble maintaining his usual acerbic demeanor. He was trying to glower but it wasn’t quite having the same effect as it usually did. Rodney would have found it all quite amusing if he wasn’t sure he looked just as bad, or possibly worse.
“What, pray tell, was this in aid of again?” Rodney snapped, directing his question at Teyla. She rolled her eyes and started ringing out her hair to at least lessen the extra weight added by being drenched.
“So far as I can translate, it is, I think a harvest festival of some kind. I have already told you, though, that my Palasian is not very good.”
“So, it could actually be anything!” Rodney retorted, throwing his hands up in the air.
“It is definitely a festival. The word I’m unsure of is the kind. A lot of Palasian words are the same but the pronunciation changes what one is describing.”
“You’re all kinds of useful!”
“Alright, knock it off.” John drawled, still looking annoyingly calm about the whole proceedings. “Maybe the word you’re looking for is hazing. You’ll notice that the newcomers are the only ones wearing the goo.” John indicated the surrounding people with a swivel of his head and the others looked as well, all nodding.
“I got through my entire school career without having to endure this barbaric custom.” Rodney snarked.
“Relax, Rodney. There’s worse fates than being covered in a little sticky stuff. Try being handcuffed naked in a woman’s locker room.”
Rodney looked at John who quirked and eyebrow and grinned.
“Fine. Is there any way of knowing when we can leave without being rude?” Rodney demanded. He could swear the substance was hardening a little.
“I’ve heard that some of the Palasian festivals can go for days.” Teyla said, grimacing and Rodney turned on her.
“What?”
“I’m sure we can make our apologies and skedaddle soon.” John countered, waving a placatory hand.
“Not before that’s finished.” Ronon interjected, pointing towards a group of the youngest natives gathering at a large platform.
“My god… is that-?”
“They’re doing a human pyramid!” Rodney exclaimed. “Now I really am in hell. They just need to start playing football to really kill me.”
“They certainly are a festive lot.” John chuckled.
Teyla had been looking at her hands and now flexed the fingers slowly, closed and then open, closed and then open again. “I think there may be something in this substance.” She said, her brow furrowed. “My hands are tingling.”
“Oh God!” Rodney squeaked. “Teyla’s our canary. We’re doomed!”
“Canary?” Ronon asked, looking at John.
John sighed. “Back on earth, miners would take a canary down into tunnels when they were digging. If they happened to release something toxic, the canary would die first because it was so little. I think Rodney’s trying to say that if we’ve been drugged then it will affect Teyla first because she’s smaller than us.”
“No, what’s a canary?” Ronon clarified and John snorted.
“It is getting more pronounced.” Teyla intoned and they all looked at her and then each other.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine. We should probably head back to Atlantis, just in case though,” John suggested, hooking a thumb back in the direction of the ‘gate.
Right at that moment, Ronon giggled.
“Better go now, hmm?” John said, casting a worried glance at the still giggling man.
xxxxxx
Stilted explanations by Teyla allowed them to escape. When they emerged from the ‘gate there was a team in hasmat suits waiting to usher them down to the infirmary to Carson, who, after giggling himself for a time, finally took some samples and sent them all to the showers.
An hour later, Rodney was admitting defeat. “It won’t all come off.” He snapped, scowling at his skin as if it had betrayed him. He’d managed to remove most of the excess but there was still a thin film left clinging stubbornly. They’d been trooped down to the communal showers and so John leaned around his own and regarded Rodney.
“I know. Let’s go see if Carson has any ideas.”
They could hear Ronon cursing and occasionally giggling from the next stall. Rodney himself was feeling heavy and a little sleepy but John didn’t seem affected. He was reassured by this and thought whatever they’d been doused in, it must have been pretty mild.
They collected Ronon and all, clad only in robes, trudged back up to the infirmary.
“I don’t know what to tell ye.” Carson said apologetically. “It’s a natural compound and nothing like I’ve ever seen. It’s not especially harmful, seems to be having the same effect as being mildly stoned.” All looked at Ronon who hiccupped and blinked back at them blearily.
“How do we get the rest of it off?” Rodney asked, scratching absently at his neck.
“Not sure about that, but maybe soaking in some liquid cleaner will help. Same principle as a saucepan with baked on grime. You were out in the sun on that planet.” Carson offered.
“Where are we supposed to soak?” Rodney demanded.
“There’s actually something that’s about the size of a kiddie pool a floor down that I’ve had people filling with boiling water for the last ten minutes or so. We found something smaller that Teyla is using.”
“You don’t mean we have to do this together?” Rodney positively squeaked.
“The longer it’s on your skin, the more it seems to soak in. I’d rather your exposure was minimized even though it seems like this stuff is harmless. I’m not going to risk it in any case just for your modesty.”
“Fine!” Rodney threw up his hands and stomped off in the direction Carson had indicated. John looked at Carson and shrugged, hooking Ronon by the elbow and following Rodney.
The overwhelming sleepiness became too much once Rodney was immersed in hot water. He sighed contentedly. Despite the circumstances, it had been too long since he’d been able to take a bath and he would force enjoyment out of the situation. He left himself drift off and was enjoying the sensation of someone playing with his hair when he remembered who he was in the large bath with.
Rodney cracked open an eye and could see John leaning over him, a look of intense concentration on his face. “What are you doing?” Rodney asked slowly. He risked a glance at Ronon and could see the larger man watching them, looking amused.
“Giving you a Mohawk.” John replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Why?” Rodney was feeling a little more level headed and was hoping it meant the stuff was either coming off or wearing off.
“Because I tried horns but Ronon said they looked funny.” John answered. He seemed to finish because he sat back and looked at his work critically. “Hmm, not quite right either.” He looked to Ronon for confirmation who pulled a face. “Maybe the astroboy look?” John proposed and Rodney felt John’s long fingers tangle in his hair again, smooshing it around and preparing it for his next project.
Rodney wondered why he was letting John do what he was doing but then skirted away from that line of thought, not really quite ready yet to follow it to it’s inevitable conclusion.
“What’s astroboy?” Ronon asked and John giggled.
“I think I like harvest-hazing festivals.” John sighed. He finished up and let himself drift back to the other side of the large tub that was actually more the size of a small above ground pool.
Rodney heard the patter of bare feet behind him and turned his head to see Teyla enter the large room and lower herself on the side of the tub. She had what looked like an enormous bowl of military issue red jello that she was digging into with a large spoon and quite a bit of gusto.
“Helloooo.” She said, tilting her head and grinning.
Rodney looked at two of the hardest men he had ever met and how they now lolled in the water, both looking contented and more relaxed than he had ever seen them. He watched as Teyla Emmagen, hero to her people and shouldering the world was hungrily devouring jello with a childish abandon.
He sunk down a little in the water until it lapped at his chin.
Alien hazing was certainly embarrassing and uncomfortable, but he found he didn’t mind it.
Not much at all.
“What did you do to your hair?” Teyla asked.