Public Law by Barb G (S&S challenge)
Title: Public Law
Author: Barb G
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not my toys. Never will be.
Summary: McKay wasn't even military.
Public Law
Author's Notes: Blatent Canadian politicking and rewriting of past and future history. Also, Canadian Senators have absolutely no power, whatsoever.
There were a lot of times John could hold his own in a conversation. There were lots of times he'd say something and Rodney's eyes would light up and the sex that night would be hotter than it usually was. This time, Rodney left him in the side of the conversational road and kicked dirt in his face.
"What's a Gomery?" John asked.
"Not what, who. Justice Gomery. Look, you don't need to understand. Minority governments fall all the time."
"But how can you have a minority government?"
"By having more than two parties. Just do the math on your fingers and leave me alone," Rodney snapped, and walked away.
*
Elizabeth explained it better. "Think of it as George Bush lite in the Canadian equivalent of the presidency."
"George Bush, ex-president 1992 or George W. Bush, ex-presidential hopeful 2000?" John asked.
"Both, I suppose."
John nodded and left.
*
To add insult to injury, Caldwell brought Rodney his absentee ballot the next month. It sat on Rodney's desk for another month after that, on top of all the mess. No small feat, John knew, but eventually the pile pulled it down into itself, and he imagined the issue dealt with.
They spent most nights in Rodney's room, although for variety's sake, Rodney came to his. It was a rare night that one of them would actually get out of bed to return to their empty room, but John had an early morning with Ronan on a trade mission. The last time he'd left that early, Rodney had taken his head off for waking him up.
Rodney, still asleep, waved him silent and to also go away. John patted his rump, earning him a warning glower, and he returned to his room. Caldwell was there of all people, and John had to sling his jacket over to his other arm to salute.
"What are you doing here, Colonel?" Caldwell asked.
"Not telling, sir."
"Colonel," Caldwell, but John cut him off.
"Officially, sir, I'm not telling. If I may?"
Caldwell nodded, and John returned to his room.
*
He wasn't entirely surprised, when they returned from the planet, that Elizabeth wanted to see him.
The memo in her hand, that what he could see, had in bold letters, Public Law 103-160 in the center of it.
"What is this?" John asked. "Caldwell has nothing on me."
Elizabeth put the piece of paper down. "It's not regarding yourself, Colonel."
"Not myself?" John repeated, and took up the memo. "Then who--Rodney? You've got to be kidding me. Rodney McKay's Canadian! He's not even military!"
"Prime Minister Harper has passed an equalization bill that sets all Canadian personnel to the same standards as the base in which they are stationed."
"Not military!" John snapped.
"Contractors included. The good news is, this means a 15% raise for him. The bad news is--"
She didn't finish. She didn't have to.
"They won't ship him home, would they? No one in Atlantis has been charged under don't-ask-don't-tell. You'll see to it. Why is this even an issue?"
Elizabeth sat down, looking exhausted and John realized she involved him in the last step, not the first. "Don't think I haven't tried. There is no string I can pull here."
"You have the president's approval."
"I know what I have!" Elizabeth all but shouted. "And until Canada becomes a part of the United States of America, it will always be an independent country. This isn't military, John, this is Canadian politics."
John stepped away, ears going red. "They don't have anything on him," he repeated. "As long as he doesn't tell, they can't touch him."
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. "Maybe once, but it's too late for that. Caldwell saw a--" she read from the memo. "A senior ranking member of the military leaving his room in a partially undressed state."
"Undressed? I had my jacket off. We could have been in there playing pinochle. I could have been spackling his bathroom."
"But you weren't, John, were you? It's enough of a suspicion that the search warrant was valid."
"Search warrant?" John demanded. "When was it executed?"
"Shortly after you went off-planet." John turned and bolted from the room. "There is nothing you can do--" she called. If there was more, John didn't hear it.
Rodney's door was opened and the mess was apparent from the hall. John's gut tightened and he found himself hoping that Caldwell had had the decency to use his own men. He didn't want Rodney to have to face day after day the men who had invaded his privacy.
He stepped over the contents of Rodney's desk and went outside to the balcony.
Rodney stood at the railing, his fingers interlacing as though in prayer, but he was staring at the horizon. It should have been at dusk or dawn, but the blue sky still held the sun high in the sky.
"You didn't know, I take it?" Rodney asked, not turning around.
"Do you even have to ask?" John asked. Rodney's shoulders were hunched, but at least they weren't sobbing.
"No, I suppose not."
"There didn't find anything, did they?" John asked. He raked his brain, but they'd kept all their communication clean. Not out of fear of discovery, but because the thought of calling Rodney "snook'ums" or "babe" made his brains seized up like sand in his gears.
"No, thankfully. All the adult entertainment under my mattress were of the 'Big Breasted Blond Babes' variety."
John relaxed. "Then you're in the clear. They'll be a deposition, but Caldwell can't ask you directly. You just have to keep your mouth shut and we are good to go."
Rodney put his head in his hands. "So what you're telling me is, we're doomed."
*
The deposition was in the morning. John tried to work out a subtle system for Rodney. It was perfection in its simplicity; any time John coughed, touched his face or moved in any way, Rodney was supposed to shut the hell up, but Rodney beat him about the head and shoulders with a pillow until he ran from the room.
Caldwell tried to stop John from entering the room, blocking the door physically. "You aren't welcome here, Colonel," Caldwell said.
"I'm the ranking military officer, Colonel Caldwell, so unless you want to charge me with something, sir, I suggest you get out of my way."
Caldwell smiled and stepped out of his way. "Not yet," he said. "Your neck is still protected."
"Is that what this is about?" John hissed, between his clenched teeth. "You're doing this to punish me?"
Caldwell smiled, looking over his shoulder, but there was no one near them. "Well you, in the round about fashion."
"So, stop it!"
"This isn't personal, Colonel, don't make it otherwise."
Rodney came up behind them. Caldwell stepped away. "Come talk to me afterwards, if you want to discuss things further," he said, again, barely moving his lips, but John knew Rodney was supposed to overhear.
Once the deposition got started, the gloves came off. "Dr. McKay, what is your opinion on Public Law 103-160?"
"Do you really want to know?"
John coughed.
"Yes, Dr. McKay, I assure you, I really want to know."
"Well, it's stupid, isn't it?"
"Stupid? Team unity means nothing to you?"
"Well, considering who is on my team, it's not a concern."
"And who is on your team, Dr. McKay?"
"Aliens, Colonel Caldwell. If I can work with people who aren't even from Earth--"
John coughed again.
"You're from Canada, are you not?"
Rodney looked down to his flag patch. John held his breath and hoped Rodney wouldn't snap something like he was a crappy American tourist travelling through Europe. He held his tongue, however.
"I'll take that as a yes. They're pretty liberal up there, aren't they?"
"Until recently, yes."
"You had no problems signing up for the Atlantis mission, didn't you? No wife, no girlfriend?"
"Being alone doesn't make you homosexual."
"No, that's true, but it does make a man desperate."
"I'm not a situational homosexual either, if that's what you're implying."
John coughed, twice.
"Would you like some water, Colonel?" Caldwell said, turning around.
"I'm good," John said.
"If I may continue then?"
"By all means."
"How do you feel about homosexuality, Dr. McKay?"
"How do you feel about Lithuanians?" Rodney demanded. "What kind of question is that?"
"One you have to answer."
"I have no opinion of them what so ever!"
"Do you have any on your staff?"
"Don't answer that, Rodney," John said.
"Well, of course I'm not going to answer that! I don't know, and I don't care!"
"Let's take a break, shall we?" Caldwell said, and turned on his heel.
Rodney was outside. John approached him, but Caldwell beat him to him. "You're obviously a smart man, and I respect that. You're obviously a careful man too, or I would be able to find independent witnesses. But if I have to I will get a signed affidavit of every man and woman in this city, and the first one caught in your lie will face jail time."
"With all due respect, sir," John tried to cut in, but Caldwell turned on him.
"And if anyone implicates your partner or partners, they are also going down with you," Caldwell said.
"With all due respect," John snapped, none of the words having anything to do with respect any more. Caldwell nodded his head to him and headed down the hall.
Rodney's eyes were wide and his mouth twisted, once.
"Don't listen to him," John tried.
"It's a bit too late for that, in the space-time continuum way, wouldn't you say?" Rodney asked, voice cold.
John tried again. "Is there anyone you could call?"
"Like who?"
"I don't know, some Canadian senator, or something?" John had to wait for Rodney to stop laughing.
"Trust me, Colonel, that won't help."
"You must have some friends."
"You'd think so, hum? Have you met me? I mean, come on! I spent six months in Siberia for being wrong, once. I don't have any friends, pretty much anywhere."
"They'll send you back, Rodney. You'll be lucky to contract a--no, scratch that. Your military career will be over."
"Is that the worst you can threaten me with? MIT sent recruiters to Russia to find me."
"And you didn't go with them?"
"Would you go from saving the world to marking term papers? Even when I was wrong, people still listened to me. Look, I went to Siberia because I didn't understand how important a team member was, but I get it now, okay? I get it. And I'm not sending you to Siberia with me."
Only Rodney could say those words very close to a shout and still sound merely annoyed. "You don't have to," John said carefully.
"Just don't be a damn hero. They need you."
"And Atlantis needs you!"
"Zelenka would be..." Rodney stopped talking for a full heartbeat, then two, and then he shook his head. "No, no, of course you're right, Atlantis does need me."
"So before you stock up on vodka and thermal underwear, let me talk to Caldwell."
Elizabeth was in with him; John heard their raised voices from the other side of the door. It slid open without him knocking; Caldwell never really did get the hang of ancient technology. They both stared at him.
"Is there a problem?" he asked Elizabeth, his ears pulling back at the sudden silence.
"No problem. We were discussing...procedures," Elizabeth said.
"Come to any conclusions?"
"Not yet," Elizabeth broke away. "But we are not done here, Colonel."
"I think we are," Caldwell said.
Elizabeth nodded to John as she passed.
"And what to you want, Colonel Sheppard?" Caldwell said.
John stepped into the room and locked the door behind him. "You invited me to discuss this further with you."
"So I did."
"So, discuss."
"McKay's not a stupid man, Sheppard."
"Yes, I know. He's fond of telling that to anyone who'll listen."
"He knows what's best for him. He'll either go quietly or he'll go screaming, but rest assured, he will go."
"You're an idiot if you can't see that without him this place would fall down around our ears."
"And you're an idiot if I don't know that a dozen more scientists just like him wouldn't murder their own mothers to be here tomorrow."
"None of them would be Rodney."
Caldwell's smirk let John know he'd lost ground calling Rodney by his first name. He broke off, pacing back and forth twice before allowing himself to speak again. "So...what?" he demanded. "You finally win a pissing match, Atlantis suffers and you congratulate yourself on a career well ruined?
"It doesn't have to be that way. I have something you want, Colonel Sheppard."
Caldwell's composure was making John loose his. He took another deep breath. "And what is it you think I have that you want?"
Caldwell looked down his body and back up again. He took another step forward, and John bumped into the wall to step out of the way. Caldwell splayed his fingers over John's chest, so very much like the Wraith that despite himself he scrambled back, and his breathing turned ragged in his ears.
"I want the one thing I don't get when I'm here," Caldwell said.
"Air Miles?" John asked.
"Respect. Friendship. Knowing someone's watching my back the way I'm watching his."
Even if John had been recording the conversation, it was nothing in the words Caldwell was using that made the threat so creepy.
"Watch your back? That's all?" John said.
Caldwell put his hand back on John's chest, deliberately pushing harder than necessary, and if he had never seen a Wraith attack, it was fairly obvious he'd done extensive reading on the subject.
"To start."
John leaned over the hand, straining his neck to do so. "Rot in hell," he said. "Sir."
Caldwell let him go, and John twisted away from between him and the wall. "The deposition starts again tomorrow morning," Caldwell called. "And we ship him out at dusk. You be sure to get a real farewell in the meantime."
John saluted him, but may have forgotten a few fingers.
*
Rodney stared at him incredulously. "He said what?"
John shrugged. "He didn't actually say anything, Rodney."
"He implied with his body language in a manner you took suggestive what?"
John shrugged again.
"You aren't, I mean," Rodney's voice raised. "Are you?"
"Of course not!"
"Well. Good." Rodney stared off into space. John opened his mouth to speak, but Rodney waved him silent. "He asked you if you were wearing a wire," Rodney said.
"We had a failure to trust issue."
Rodney snapped his fingers, twice. "Come with me."
*
Caldwell's private door also opened without John knocking. "Well, if you're coming in," Caldwell called.
John came in. Caldwell stood up from his desk, and held John's elbow, pushing him to the wall. He was patted down, more effectively than any MP John had tangled with, and Caldwell deposited his radio, a pen and his knife onto the table. "Is this the way to start a beautiful friendship?"
"You will have to forgive me," Caldwell said, and then sat down again in his chair, resting his arms on his knees. "Do you have something to say to me?"
"You have to let me know what gets your rocks off here," John said, leaning against the wall and crossed his arms.
"Come, now, Colonel," Caldwell said, shifting back. "I want you to be nice to me." Caldwell touched his thigh. "Do you need to be ordered to come here and get on your knees?" he snapped, obviously losing all patience.
John scooped up the pen off the table, clicking the edge of it. "Thank you, Colonel, but that's really not my thing. You will drop all charges on Rodney, now, and get out of my city."
Caldwell was up in the next heartbeat. "What is that thing?" he demanded.
"It's a pen," John said. "A writing device used with paper?" John smiled, turning on Caldwell. "Or is it an ancient recording device? I was supposed to grab one of them, and I was in a hurry."
"What kind of juvenile game is this?" Caldwell demanded. "If you think I'm going to fall for this Hollywood plot twist--"
"Hollywood's never met Rodney McKay," John said, and clicked the pen a second time. The holographic image of the Colonel was more recognizable than the tinny recording of his voice, despite the great things Rodney had been doing with bit-rate these days.
"You think you've won," Caldwell said.
"I'm pretty sure of it, sir. I'm so sure, I think you're going to put in for a transfer."
"And if I don't?"
"I suggest you read up on Public Law 103-160," John said, and turned his heel. "I believe you're shipping out at dusk, I'd really like that to be noonish."
The door shutting behind him cut off Caldwell's swearing.
*
They watched the ship taking off from the balcony. Rodney didn't move until it had vanished from the atmosphere.
"So," Rodney said.
John looked at him.
"Fifteen percent raise, huh?"
"Yeah."
Rodney crossed his arms. "It'll probably just push me into another tax-bracket."
"Well, the key's diversification."
"Also, being in another galaxy helps as well. They don't take debit here."
"Are we going to talk about it?"
"I'd really rather we didn't," Rodney said.
John backed him into the balcony railing, and for once, Rodney didn't talk with his mouth full.
Author: Barb G
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not my toys. Never will be.
Summary: McKay wasn't even military.
Public Law
Author's Notes: Blatent Canadian politicking and rewriting of past and future history. Also, Canadian Senators have absolutely no power, whatsoever.
There were a lot of times John could hold his own in a conversation. There were lots of times he'd say something and Rodney's eyes would light up and the sex that night would be hotter than it usually was. This time, Rodney left him in the side of the conversational road and kicked dirt in his face.
"What's a Gomery?" John asked.
"Not what, who. Justice Gomery. Look, you don't need to understand. Minority governments fall all the time."
"But how can you have a minority government?"
"By having more than two parties. Just do the math on your fingers and leave me alone," Rodney snapped, and walked away.
*
Elizabeth explained it better. "Think of it as George Bush lite in the Canadian equivalent of the presidency."
"George Bush, ex-president 1992 or George W. Bush, ex-presidential hopeful 2000?" John asked.
"Both, I suppose."
John nodded and left.
*
To add insult to injury, Caldwell brought Rodney his absentee ballot the next month. It sat on Rodney's desk for another month after that, on top of all the mess. No small feat, John knew, but eventually the pile pulled it down into itself, and he imagined the issue dealt with.
They spent most nights in Rodney's room, although for variety's sake, Rodney came to his. It was a rare night that one of them would actually get out of bed to return to their empty room, but John had an early morning with Ronan on a trade mission. The last time he'd left that early, Rodney had taken his head off for waking him up.
Rodney, still asleep, waved him silent and to also go away. John patted his rump, earning him a warning glower, and he returned to his room. Caldwell was there of all people, and John had to sling his jacket over to his other arm to salute.
"What are you doing here, Colonel?" Caldwell asked.
"Not telling, sir."
"Colonel," Caldwell, but John cut him off.
"Officially, sir, I'm not telling. If I may?"
Caldwell nodded, and John returned to his room.
*
He wasn't entirely surprised, when they returned from the planet, that Elizabeth wanted to see him.
The memo in her hand, that what he could see, had in bold letters, Public Law 103-160 in the center of it.
"What is this?" John asked. "Caldwell has nothing on me."
Elizabeth put the piece of paper down. "It's not regarding yourself, Colonel."
"Not myself?" John repeated, and took up the memo. "Then who--Rodney? You've got to be kidding me. Rodney McKay's Canadian! He's not even military!"
"Prime Minister Harper has passed an equalization bill that sets all Canadian personnel to the same standards as the base in which they are stationed."
"Not military!" John snapped.
"Contractors included. The good news is, this means a 15% raise for him. The bad news is--"
She didn't finish. She didn't have to.
"They won't ship him home, would they? No one in Atlantis has been charged under don't-ask-don't-tell. You'll see to it. Why is this even an issue?"
Elizabeth sat down, looking exhausted and John realized she involved him in the last step, not the first. "Don't think I haven't tried. There is no string I can pull here."
"You have the president's approval."
"I know what I have!" Elizabeth all but shouted. "And until Canada becomes a part of the United States of America, it will always be an independent country. This isn't military, John, this is Canadian politics."
John stepped away, ears going red. "They don't have anything on him," he repeated. "As long as he doesn't tell, they can't touch him."
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. "Maybe once, but it's too late for that. Caldwell saw a--" she read from the memo. "A senior ranking member of the military leaving his room in a partially undressed state."
"Undressed? I had my jacket off. We could have been in there playing pinochle. I could have been spackling his bathroom."
"But you weren't, John, were you? It's enough of a suspicion that the search warrant was valid."
"Search warrant?" John demanded. "When was it executed?"
"Shortly after you went off-planet." John turned and bolted from the room. "There is nothing you can do--" she called. If there was more, John didn't hear it.
Rodney's door was opened and the mess was apparent from the hall. John's gut tightened and he found himself hoping that Caldwell had had the decency to use his own men. He didn't want Rodney to have to face day after day the men who had invaded his privacy.
He stepped over the contents of Rodney's desk and went outside to the balcony.
Rodney stood at the railing, his fingers interlacing as though in prayer, but he was staring at the horizon. It should have been at dusk or dawn, but the blue sky still held the sun high in the sky.
"You didn't know, I take it?" Rodney asked, not turning around.
"Do you even have to ask?" John asked. Rodney's shoulders were hunched, but at least they weren't sobbing.
"No, I suppose not."
"There didn't find anything, did they?" John asked. He raked his brain, but they'd kept all their communication clean. Not out of fear of discovery, but because the thought of calling Rodney "snook'ums" or "babe" made his brains seized up like sand in his gears.
"No, thankfully. All the adult entertainment under my mattress were of the 'Big Breasted Blond Babes' variety."
John relaxed. "Then you're in the clear. They'll be a deposition, but Caldwell can't ask you directly. You just have to keep your mouth shut and we are good to go."
Rodney put his head in his hands. "So what you're telling me is, we're doomed."
*
The deposition was in the morning. John tried to work out a subtle system for Rodney. It was perfection in its simplicity; any time John coughed, touched his face or moved in any way, Rodney was supposed to shut the hell up, but Rodney beat him about the head and shoulders with a pillow until he ran from the room.
Caldwell tried to stop John from entering the room, blocking the door physically. "You aren't welcome here, Colonel," Caldwell said.
"I'm the ranking military officer, Colonel Caldwell, so unless you want to charge me with something, sir, I suggest you get out of my way."
Caldwell smiled and stepped out of his way. "Not yet," he said. "Your neck is still protected."
"Is that what this is about?" John hissed, between his clenched teeth. "You're doing this to punish me?"
Caldwell smiled, looking over his shoulder, but there was no one near them. "Well you, in the round about fashion."
"So, stop it!"
"This isn't personal, Colonel, don't make it otherwise."
Rodney came up behind them. Caldwell stepped away. "Come talk to me afterwards, if you want to discuss things further," he said, again, barely moving his lips, but John knew Rodney was supposed to overhear.
Once the deposition got started, the gloves came off. "Dr. McKay, what is your opinion on Public Law 103-160?"
"Do you really want to know?"
John coughed.
"Yes, Dr. McKay, I assure you, I really want to know."
"Well, it's stupid, isn't it?"
"Stupid? Team unity means nothing to you?"
"Well, considering who is on my team, it's not a concern."
"And who is on your team, Dr. McKay?"
"Aliens, Colonel Caldwell. If I can work with people who aren't even from Earth--"
John coughed again.
"You're from Canada, are you not?"
Rodney looked down to his flag patch. John held his breath and hoped Rodney wouldn't snap something like he was a crappy American tourist travelling through Europe. He held his tongue, however.
"I'll take that as a yes. They're pretty liberal up there, aren't they?"
"Until recently, yes."
"You had no problems signing up for the Atlantis mission, didn't you? No wife, no girlfriend?"
"Being alone doesn't make you homosexual."
"No, that's true, but it does make a man desperate."
"I'm not a situational homosexual either, if that's what you're implying."
John coughed, twice.
"Would you like some water, Colonel?" Caldwell said, turning around.
"I'm good," John said.
"If I may continue then?"
"By all means."
"How do you feel about homosexuality, Dr. McKay?"
"How do you feel about Lithuanians?" Rodney demanded. "What kind of question is that?"
"One you have to answer."
"I have no opinion of them what so ever!"
"Do you have any on your staff?"
"Don't answer that, Rodney," John said.
"Well, of course I'm not going to answer that! I don't know, and I don't care!"
"Let's take a break, shall we?" Caldwell said, and turned on his heel.
Rodney was outside. John approached him, but Caldwell beat him to him. "You're obviously a smart man, and I respect that. You're obviously a careful man too, or I would be able to find independent witnesses. But if I have to I will get a signed affidavit of every man and woman in this city, and the first one caught in your lie will face jail time."
"With all due respect, sir," John tried to cut in, but Caldwell turned on him.
"And if anyone implicates your partner or partners, they are also going down with you," Caldwell said.
"With all due respect," John snapped, none of the words having anything to do with respect any more. Caldwell nodded his head to him and headed down the hall.
Rodney's eyes were wide and his mouth twisted, once.
"Don't listen to him," John tried.
"It's a bit too late for that, in the space-time continuum way, wouldn't you say?" Rodney asked, voice cold.
John tried again. "Is there anyone you could call?"
"Like who?"
"I don't know, some Canadian senator, or something?" John had to wait for Rodney to stop laughing.
"Trust me, Colonel, that won't help."
"You must have some friends."
"You'd think so, hum? Have you met me? I mean, come on! I spent six months in Siberia for being wrong, once. I don't have any friends, pretty much anywhere."
"They'll send you back, Rodney. You'll be lucky to contract a--no, scratch that. Your military career will be over."
"Is that the worst you can threaten me with? MIT sent recruiters to Russia to find me."
"And you didn't go with them?"
"Would you go from saving the world to marking term papers? Even when I was wrong, people still listened to me. Look, I went to Siberia because I didn't understand how important a team member was, but I get it now, okay? I get it. And I'm not sending you to Siberia with me."
Only Rodney could say those words very close to a shout and still sound merely annoyed. "You don't have to," John said carefully.
"Just don't be a damn hero. They need you."
"And Atlantis needs you!"
"Zelenka would be..." Rodney stopped talking for a full heartbeat, then two, and then he shook his head. "No, no, of course you're right, Atlantis does need me."
"So before you stock up on vodka and thermal underwear, let me talk to Caldwell."
Elizabeth was in with him; John heard their raised voices from the other side of the door. It slid open without him knocking; Caldwell never really did get the hang of ancient technology. They both stared at him.
"Is there a problem?" he asked Elizabeth, his ears pulling back at the sudden silence.
"No problem. We were discussing...procedures," Elizabeth said.
"Come to any conclusions?"
"Not yet," Elizabeth broke away. "But we are not done here, Colonel."
"I think we are," Caldwell said.
Elizabeth nodded to John as she passed.
"And what to you want, Colonel Sheppard?" Caldwell said.
John stepped into the room and locked the door behind him. "You invited me to discuss this further with you."
"So I did."
"So, discuss."
"McKay's not a stupid man, Sheppard."
"Yes, I know. He's fond of telling that to anyone who'll listen."
"He knows what's best for him. He'll either go quietly or he'll go screaming, but rest assured, he will go."
"You're an idiot if you can't see that without him this place would fall down around our ears."
"And you're an idiot if I don't know that a dozen more scientists just like him wouldn't murder their own mothers to be here tomorrow."
"None of them would be Rodney."
Caldwell's smirk let John know he'd lost ground calling Rodney by his first name. He broke off, pacing back and forth twice before allowing himself to speak again. "So...what?" he demanded. "You finally win a pissing match, Atlantis suffers and you congratulate yourself on a career well ruined?
"It doesn't have to be that way. I have something you want, Colonel Sheppard."
Caldwell's composure was making John loose his. He took another deep breath. "And what is it you think I have that you want?"
Caldwell looked down his body and back up again. He took another step forward, and John bumped into the wall to step out of the way. Caldwell splayed his fingers over John's chest, so very much like the Wraith that despite himself he scrambled back, and his breathing turned ragged in his ears.
"I want the one thing I don't get when I'm here," Caldwell said.
"Air Miles?" John asked.
"Respect. Friendship. Knowing someone's watching my back the way I'm watching his."
Even if John had been recording the conversation, it was nothing in the words Caldwell was using that made the threat so creepy.
"Watch your back? That's all?" John said.
Caldwell put his hand back on John's chest, deliberately pushing harder than necessary, and if he had never seen a Wraith attack, it was fairly obvious he'd done extensive reading on the subject.
"To start."
John leaned over the hand, straining his neck to do so. "Rot in hell," he said. "Sir."
Caldwell let him go, and John twisted away from between him and the wall. "The deposition starts again tomorrow morning," Caldwell called. "And we ship him out at dusk. You be sure to get a real farewell in the meantime."
John saluted him, but may have forgotten a few fingers.
*
Rodney stared at him incredulously. "He said what?"
John shrugged. "He didn't actually say anything, Rodney."
"He implied with his body language in a manner you took suggestive what?"
John shrugged again.
"You aren't, I mean," Rodney's voice raised. "Are you?"
"Of course not!"
"Well. Good." Rodney stared off into space. John opened his mouth to speak, but Rodney waved him silent. "He asked you if you were wearing a wire," Rodney said.
"We had a failure to trust issue."
Rodney snapped his fingers, twice. "Come with me."
*
Caldwell's private door also opened without John knocking. "Well, if you're coming in," Caldwell called.
John came in. Caldwell stood up from his desk, and held John's elbow, pushing him to the wall. He was patted down, more effectively than any MP John had tangled with, and Caldwell deposited his radio, a pen and his knife onto the table. "Is this the way to start a beautiful friendship?"
"You will have to forgive me," Caldwell said, and then sat down again in his chair, resting his arms on his knees. "Do you have something to say to me?"
"You have to let me know what gets your rocks off here," John said, leaning against the wall and crossed his arms.
"Come, now, Colonel," Caldwell said, shifting back. "I want you to be nice to me." Caldwell touched his thigh. "Do you need to be ordered to come here and get on your knees?" he snapped, obviously losing all patience.
John scooped up the pen off the table, clicking the edge of it. "Thank you, Colonel, but that's really not my thing. You will drop all charges on Rodney, now, and get out of my city."
Caldwell was up in the next heartbeat. "What is that thing?" he demanded.
"It's a pen," John said. "A writing device used with paper?" John smiled, turning on Caldwell. "Or is it an ancient recording device? I was supposed to grab one of them, and I was in a hurry."
"What kind of juvenile game is this?" Caldwell demanded. "If you think I'm going to fall for this Hollywood plot twist--"
"Hollywood's never met Rodney McKay," John said, and clicked the pen a second time. The holographic image of the Colonel was more recognizable than the tinny recording of his voice, despite the great things Rodney had been doing with bit-rate these days.
"You think you've won," Caldwell said.
"I'm pretty sure of it, sir. I'm so sure, I think you're going to put in for a transfer."
"And if I don't?"
"I suggest you read up on Public Law 103-160," John said, and turned his heel. "I believe you're shipping out at dusk, I'd really like that to be noonish."
The door shutting behind him cut off Caldwell's swearing.
*
They watched the ship taking off from the balcony. Rodney didn't move until it had vanished from the atmosphere.
"So," Rodney said.
John looked at him.
"Fifteen percent raise, huh?"
"Yeah."
Rodney crossed his arms. "It'll probably just push me into another tax-bracket."
"Well, the key's diversification."
"Also, being in another galaxy helps as well. They don't take debit here."
"Are we going to talk about it?"
"I'd really rather we didn't," Rodney said.
John backed him into the balcony railing, and for once, Rodney didn't talk with his mouth full.