Dangling Challenge by amiguriken
Title: Grammar Rules Apply
Author: amiguriken
Rating: G
Category: Gen
Summary: Kavanaugh is offended.
Notes: The ending feels cut off to me. daughtershade said it was fine, so I'm posting the sucker anyway (but am willing to entertain any recommendations for improvement).
Kavanaugh glared at his monitor, muttered angrily to himself, debated for a moment over whether the offensiveness of the words on the screen outweighed the need to conserve paper then hit the print button anyway. He snatched the page from the printer before it was finished spitting it out. Then he glared at the page in his hand. After a moment, he pulled a pen out of his pocket and began marking the most offensive bits of the email that had purported to be The Atlantis Times. Someone was going to hear about this.
“Dr. Weir!” Kavanaugh said as he stepped through her door. The woman winced when she looked up and saw it was him. He snarled and slammed the paper down in front of her. “Have you seen this?”
Weir glanced at the paper just long enough to catch the title.
“Yes, Dr. Kavanaugh. I personally approved every article that went into that,” she said calmly. “I do not know what your problem is, but if you want to wait, I’m-”
“You approved this? Did you actually read it first?”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “I did. I read every article.”
“And you didn’t have a problem with this?” He jabbed his finger at one of the circled sections.
“‘Being head of the science department, any questions or complaints should be directed to Dr. Rodney McKay,’” she read. She looked up at him. “And?”
“And? And what? Do you not see what’s wrong with that sentence?”
“As much as you might wish it was otherwise, Dr. McKay is the head of the science department, and any questions or complaints about those safety protocols should be directed to him.”
“What?” Kavanaugh looked at her. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Elizabeth paused and took a deep breath. “Perhaps it would help if you simply told me exactly what your problem is.”
Kavanaugh sighed. He pointed at the sentence in question.
“That, Doctor Weir, is a dangling participle. Do you know what that means? It means that the sentence in question says that any questions or complaints are being head of the science department. There are five dangling participles on this page alone.”
“So your problem is a dangling participle?”
Kavanaugh pointed elsewhere on the page. “That should be spelled s-t-a-t-i-o-n-a-r-y. Stationery with an e is something you write on. There are fifteen different misplaced commas, four uses of the word loose for lose, and seven incomplete sentences. Also, and I know this is a bit picky, but there are also four cases of ifs that should be whethers. And-”
“Okay,” Weir said, holding up a hand. “I get the picture. However, this is not a professional publication. It is an amateur newsletter that is produced on downtime by volunteers, and we didn’t bring any copy editors with us. Unless you want to volunteer, I am not-”
“I volunteer.”
Elizabeth cocked her head.
“I worked on the newspaper in high school,” Kavanaugh said. “And I was the editor for my university’s science journal. I have the experience, and I obviously have a better understanding of basic grammar rules than whoever wrote this tripe.”
Weir opened her mouth then closed it again.
“All right,” she said. “This was Corporal Adams’ idea. She’s the editor. I suggest you find her and offer your services. And given that she’s a Marine, I recommend you do so nicely.”
She waited for him to begin yelling about not being put in charge, ranting about the unfairness of it all and saying things like “someone with my experience and ability” and “I came to Atlantis to get away from the military, and now you’re asking me to work for them on my off-time?” She was surprised when all she got was a frown.
“Where can I find Corporal Adams?” he asked.
Author: amiguriken
Rating: G
Category: Gen
Summary: Kavanaugh is offended.
Notes: The ending feels cut off to me. daughtershade said it was fine, so I'm posting the sucker anyway (but am willing to entertain any recommendations for improvement).
Kavanaugh glared at his monitor, muttered angrily to himself, debated for a moment over whether the offensiveness of the words on the screen outweighed the need to conserve paper then hit the print button anyway. He snatched the page from the printer before it was finished spitting it out. Then he glared at the page in his hand. After a moment, he pulled a pen out of his pocket and began marking the most offensive bits of the email that had purported to be The Atlantis Times. Someone was going to hear about this.
“Dr. Weir!” Kavanaugh said as he stepped through her door. The woman winced when she looked up and saw it was him. He snarled and slammed the paper down in front of her. “Have you seen this?”
Weir glanced at the paper just long enough to catch the title.
“Yes, Dr. Kavanaugh. I personally approved every article that went into that,” she said calmly. “I do not know what your problem is, but if you want to wait, I’m-”
“You approved this? Did you actually read it first?”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “I did. I read every article.”
“And you didn’t have a problem with this?” He jabbed his finger at one of the circled sections.
“‘Being head of the science department, any questions or complaints should be directed to Dr. Rodney McKay,’” she read. She looked up at him. “And?”
“And? And what? Do you not see what’s wrong with that sentence?”
“As much as you might wish it was otherwise, Dr. McKay is the head of the science department, and any questions or complaints about those safety protocols should be directed to him.”
“What?” Kavanaugh looked at her. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Elizabeth paused and took a deep breath. “Perhaps it would help if you simply told me exactly what your problem is.”
Kavanaugh sighed. He pointed at the sentence in question.
“That, Doctor Weir, is a dangling participle. Do you know what that means? It means that the sentence in question says that any questions or complaints are being head of the science department. There are five dangling participles on this page alone.”
“So your problem is a dangling participle?”
Kavanaugh pointed elsewhere on the page. “That should be spelled s-t-a-t-i-o-n-a-r-y. Stationery with an e is something you write on. There are fifteen different misplaced commas, four uses of the word loose for lose, and seven incomplete sentences. Also, and I know this is a bit picky, but there are also four cases of ifs that should be whethers. And-”
“Okay,” Weir said, holding up a hand. “I get the picture. However, this is not a professional publication. It is an amateur newsletter that is produced on downtime by volunteers, and we didn’t bring any copy editors with us. Unless you want to volunteer, I am not-”
“I volunteer.”
Elizabeth cocked her head.
“I worked on the newspaper in high school,” Kavanaugh said. “And I was the editor for my university’s science journal. I have the experience, and I obviously have a better understanding of basic grammar rules than whoever wrote this tripe.”
Weir opened her mouth then closed it again.
“All right,” she said. “This was Corporal Adams’ idea. She’s the editor. I suggest you find her and offer your services. And given that she’s a Marine, I recommend you do so nicely.”
She waited for him to begin yelling about not being put in charge, ranting about the unfairness of it all and saying things like “someone with my experience and ability” and “I came to Atlantis to get away from the military, and now you’re asking me to work for them on my off-time?” She was surprised when all she got was a frown.
“Where can I find Corporal Adams?” he asked.