Merry Go Round Broke Down 26
anonymous
March 14 2011, 13:10:48 UTC
"Obviously I researched it before I ever gave it to you," Rodney takes a second to look affronted before going back to fretting. "It's rare, but hearing problems are a known side effect. Mention it to Jennifer at the checkup, she'll probably do a million scans, but if this is the first time you've experienced it, it's probably that."
John runs his hand through his hair, more agitated than he can really justify to himself. The pills make sex easier, but it's still just a moderately pleasant physical experience. He just went without for several weeks when he was avoiding Rodney, and it wasn't a big deal.
It just... sucks. They have this whole thing going now: Rodney keeps the pills, and John only gets a dose when Rodney gives it to him; Rodney times it all out so that John's hard when Rodney wants him to be. It's-- well, it's not hot exactly, because nothing's hot to John anymore, but it's good. It works.
"If the doc can't find any other reason for it, what am I supposed to tell her?"
Rodney waves an impatient hand. "You won't need to tell her anything. Obviously she already knows you're taking sildenafil, she takes your blood on an almost daily basis. Don't tell me you hadn't thought of that."
"Right," John says, numb. Jesus.
In the infirmary, John half fantasizes that maybe he can deal with the buzzing. It's annoying, but it's not that loud. Then, abruptly, every other sound drops out except the buzz. A couple of minutes later, his hearing bleeds back, and the buzz dwindles and disappears. But the near-total hearing loss is scary as hell, and John can't take the risk that it might happen again.
He couldn't even have risked it if it were just the buzz, he admits to himself. He needs all his senses at their sharpest.
Jennifer's circumspect after examining him. She says that going by his bloodwork, he's been taking some "supplements" that are most likely to blame, and he should discontinue them. He's glad all over again that shame doesn't turn him on anymore, or this humiliation would be even worse.
He stumbles out an agreement, and she hems and haws and finally offers, "I could prescribe Cialis off the books."
Wow, does he ever not want to have this little talk with anyone, much less Rodney's ex. "That's okay."
"If you change your mind, just let me know."
"Will do," John escapes.
-
The question seems almost like a koan to him, so during his next meditation session with Teyla and Ronon, John lets it in: Why does he even still want to have sex when he doesn't really want sex? (It beats the sound of one hand clapping all to hell.)
It only sounds like a self-contradiction. John minds his posture and modulates his breathing, weighing it. Having sex has never just been about sex for him, it's part of a whole crazy Escher puzzle in his head, and that didn't all go away with his libido. Sex does more for him than just getting him off, it always has.
Even with his kink deactivated, he put Rodney in charge again by giving him the pills. Rodney being in charge is important for some reason other than whether it's hot.
"Something is disturbing you, John," Teyla says, and he starts so hard he nearly cramps a muscle.
"I don't think I'm up for it today." John rubs the calf that's still threatening to spasm and moves to rise.
Teyla touches his arm, not his skin but his wristband. He's never noticed her doing that before, but it feels familiar. She says, "Times you feel you are not up to it are often the times when you need it most."
"It's true," Ronon puts in unexpectedly. "It's like any exercise. If you keep going when it's hard, it builds you up."
John's tempted to blow them off. He can almost feel himself readying the easy grin and fluid shrug the same way he'd shift his feet and wind up a punch; it reminds him of Dr. Esguerra's thing about defending himself with smiles and jokes, and he hesitates.
Ronon has gone through so much in his life that John can't even imagine the scope of it. All those years of Running, not only defending his own life, but fearing that he endangered everyone around him: that's torture by any definition John understands, and it never let up for seven years.
If Ronon says something helps create a little peace of mind, John should listen. He eases back into lotus position.
John runs his hand through his hair, more agitated than he can really justify to himself. The pills make sex easier, but it's still just a moderately pleasant physical experience. He just went without for several weeks when he was avoiding Rodney, and it wasn't a big deal.
It just... sucks. They have this whole thing going now: Rodney keeps the pills, and John only gets a dose when Rodney gives it to him; Rodney times it all out so that John's hard when Rodney wants him to be. It's-- well, it's not hot exactly, because nothing's hot to John anymore, but it's good. It works.
"If the doc can't find any other reason for it, what am I supposed to tell her?"
Rodney waves an impatient hand. "You won't need to tell her anything. Obviously she already knows you're taking sildenafil, she takes your blood on an almost daily basis. Don't tell me you hadn't thought of that."
"Right," John says, numb. Jesus.
In the infirmary, John half fantasizes that maybe he can deal with the buzzing. It's annoying, but it's not that loud. Then, abruptly, every other sound drops out except the buzz. A couple of minutes later, his hearing bleeds back, and the buzz dwindles and disappears. But the near-total hearing loss is scary as hell, and John can't take the risk that it might happen again.
He couldn't even have risked it if it were just the buzz, he admits to himself. He needs all his senses at their sharpest.
Jennifer's circumspect after examining him. She says that going by his bloodwork, he's been taking some "supplements" that are most likely to blame, and he should discontinue them. He's glad all over again that shame doesn't turn him on anymore, or this humiliation would be even worse.
He stumbles out an agreement, and she hems and haws and finally offers, "I could prescribe Cialis off the books."
Wow, does he ever not want to have this little talk with anyone, much less Rodney's ex. "That's okay."
"If you change your mind, just let me know."
"Will do," John escapes.
-
The question seems almost like a koan to him, so during his next meditation session with Teyla and Ronon, John lets it in: Why does he even still want to have sex when he doesn't really want sex? (It beats the sound of one hand clapping all to hell.)
It only sounds like a self-contradiction. John minds his posture and modulates his breathing, weighing it. Having sex has never just been about sex for him, it's part of a whole crazy Escher puzzle in his head, and that didn't all go away with his libido. Sex does more for him than just getting him off, it always has.
Even with his kink deactivated, he put Rodney in charge again by giving him the pills. Rodney being in charge is important for some reason other than whether it's hot.
"Something is disturbing you, John," Teyla says, and he starts so hard he nearly cramps a muscle.
"I don't think I'm up for it today." John rubs the calf that's still threatening to spasm and moves to rise.
Teyla touches his arm, not his skin but his wristband. He's never noticed her doing that before, but it feels familiar. She says, "Times you feel you are not up to it are often the times when you need it most."
"It's true," Ronon puts in unexpectedly. "It's like any exercise. If you keep going when it's hard, it builds you up."
John's tempted to blow them off. He can almost feel himself readying the easy grin and fluid shrug the same way he'd shift his feet and wind up a punch; it reminds him of Dr. Esguerra's thing about defending himself with smiles and jokes, and he hesitates.
Ronon has gone through so much in his life that John can't even imagine the scope of it. All those years of Running, not only defending his own life, but fearing that he endangered everyone around him: that's torture by any definition John understands, and it never let up for seven years.
If Ronon says something helps create a little peace of mind, John should listen. He eases back into lotus position.
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