Merry Go Round Broke Down 10
anonymous
February 5 2011, 14:26:15 UTC
After all, John stopped the risky offworld visits. Thinking back on it, the truth is, he did that three times. The third time he cut it short because he was uneasy about Atlantis. John returned not long before long-range scanners detected two Wraith cruisers, and a few hours after that, they got word that there was a bomb hooked up to the ZPM.
The idea that he might have been offworld sucking dick while a Goa'uld endangered the city... he never did it again.
After that he subsisted on collecting the most extreme gay porn he could get his hands on, not so much for the porn itself but so he could imagine the humiliation if somebody found it. When he really needed something more, he took smaller risks, leaving the external drive housing his porn plugged in to a laptop, leaving the laptop open and logged in... once he put a shortcut marked "To Do" right there on the desktop that led to all twelve gigs of raunchy cocksucking and assfucking and fisting. He left the computer on the conference room table unattended for a couple of minutes before he hastily grabbed it back and undid everything; the shame of that idiotic risk fueled a month of jerkoff sessions.
Even stunts like that weren't enough of an outlet. His fantasies got more extreme, started to feed on things that happened on missions: he fantasized about the time he pissed himself in an alien prison, about sucking off Todd or giving head to a Wraith queen, because the more scandalous the fantasy the more he repulsed himself and the more it turned him on, and he still needed more.
What's worst is that it still hasn't really let him go. He keeps thinking about it, and without the arousal to distract and relieve it, he has to live with the thoughts, follow through on them, remember things he'd rather forget.
When it's too much, he goes to Rodney. Sex doesn't obliterate everything anymore the way he used to crave and wishes he could get back, but it's still physical and engaging enough to shut up his stupid head for a while. Even his workouts aren't doing that so well lately.
But during sex, he's absorbed not just in the challenge of getting off on purely physical stimulation, he's also focusing on Rodney: trying to figure out what he wants, now that Rodney's not bossing him around.
-
"Here," Rodney says, "take this."
"Are you crazy?" John asks, trying to give back the blue football-shaped pill. "Doesn't this stuff take hours to wear off? What if there's an emergency?"
'Then we'll duct tape your hard-on down and go to work," Rodney says implacably. "Persistent erection's not that common a side effect anyway."
"I thought that's what it's for."
"Persistent, I said. Most probably you won't keep an erection after orgasm, and I think I've proven by now that I can still make you come." Rodney measures him with a look. "Here," he picks up a pill cutter, "take half."
"A third," John counters.
"Fine..." Rodney cuts a pretty generous third of the pill and hands it over with a glass of water. John takes it.
They start in while they wait for it to take effect. Rodney's been trying different things every time-- John figures it's one of the reasons Rodney keeps letting him come back, because Rodney sees it all as a challenging experiment. The other reasons... he's trying not to think about that.
The idea that he might have been offworld sucking dick while a Goa'uld endangered the city... he never did it again.
After that he subsisted on collecting the most extreme gay porn he could get his hands on, not so much for the porn itself but so he could imagine the humiliation if somebody found it. When he really needed something more, he took smaller risks, leaving the external drive housing his porn plugged in to a laptop, leaving the laptop open and logged in... once he put a shortcut marked "To Do" right there on the desktop that led to all twelve gigs of raunchy cocksucking and assfucking and fisting. He left the computer on the conference room table unattended for a couple of minutes before he hastily grabbed it back and undid everything; the shame of that idiotic risk fueled a month of jerkoff sessions.
Even stunts like that weren't enough of an outlet. His fantasies got more extreme, started to feed on things that happened on missions: he fantasized about the time he pissed himself in an alien prison, about sucking off Todd or giving head to a Wraith queen, because the more scandalous the fantasy the more he repulsed himself and the more it turned him on, and he still needed more.
What's worst is that it still hasn't really let him go. He keeps thinking about it, and without the arousal to distract and relieve it, he has to live with the thoughts, follow through on them, remember things he'd rather forget.
When it's too much, he goes to Rodney. Sex doesn't obliterate everything anymore the way he used to crave and wishes he could get back, but it's still physical and engaging enough to shut up his stupid head for a while. Even his workouts aren't doing that so well lately.
But during sex, he's absorbed not just in the challenge of getting off on purely physical stimulation, he's also focusing on Rodney: trying to figure out what he wants, now that Rodney's not bossing him around.
-
"Here," Rodney says, "take this."
"Are you crazy?" John asks, trying to give back the blue football-shaped pill. "Doesn't this stuff take hours to wear off? What if there's an emergency?"
'Then we'll duct tape your hard-on down and go to work," Rodney says implacably. "Persistent erection's not that common a side effect anyway."
"I thought that's what it's for."
"Persistent, I said. Most probably you won't keep an erection after orgasm, and I think I've proven by now that I can still make you come." Rodney measures him with a look. "Here," he picks up a pill cutter, "take half."
"A third," John counters.
"Fine..." Rodney cuts a pretty generous third of the pill and hands it over with a glass of water. John takes it.
They start in while they wait for it to take effect. Rodney's been trying different things every time-- John figures it's one of the reasons Rodney keeps letting him come back, because Rodney sees it all as a challenging experiment. The other reasons... he's trying not to think about that.
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