(no subject)
Growing up is fantastic. You learn, grow, learn, grow, learn some more then promptly die after decreasing in height morphing back to a childish form. I've learned that I'm a evil sadistic non-caring person. I'm edgy and uncomfortable around specific people and lead them to believe that I'm something I'm not. For instance, I'm not nice. And about the uncaring thing, I can't care about it thus nothing can be done to change it. Wow. I sound so mean. But it wouldn't be far from the truth. My only explanation for it would be that after being betrayed by so many people that my expectations are a little higher, that because of the hurt that I've endured myself is the most important thing on my list, next of course being family and my close friends of the same sex. I really can't bring myself to trust the opposite sex. They think we're bad, yet all they seem to care about is our looks. That's not nice or the truth. Everyone is that shallow! We can lie to ourselves all we want, but we'll always have preferences about what a possible mate should look like, smell like,feel like, act like and a funny one: (thank you t.v. and all your informative sex shows) taste like.
It's funny though, I wouldn't blame them if they never talked to me again. They'd have reason and now that I think on it I am sorry that I put them through the pain that I've already suffered so much of. Honestly, they were warned you should listen to your friends occasionally. But, seriously why is it that people want to sit in my lap? We're friends and sure I don't mind hugging, hand shakes and once in awhile something obnoxious to freak people out. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT ON ME!! Or constantly be touching that really freaks me out.
And that's why there never could be a relationship, I don't love them for who they are. They aren't my fantasy and perfect lover, they aren't of royalty. And they certainly weren't for me, because deep down I know they're looking for their vision of perfection and I'm not it.
It's funny though, I wouldn't blame them if they never talked to me again. They'd have reason and now that I think on it I am sorry that I put them through the pain that I've already suffered so much of. Honestly, they were warned you should listen to your friends occasionally. But, seriously why is it that people want to sit in my lap? We're friends and sure I don't mind hugging, hand shakes and once in awhile something obnoxious to freak people out. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT ON ME!! Or constantly be touching that really freaks me out.
And that's why there never could be a relationship, I don't love them for who they are. They aren't my fantasy and perfect lover, they aren't of royalty. And they certainly weren't for me, because deep down I know they're looking for their vision of perfection and I'm not it.