Taking Tally (PG)

[sg_fignewton]

sg_betty made the following request for the Fall Fandom Free-For-All: The aftermath of a failed mission. Any season. They can still be in harm's way, on a ship, or back at the SGC. She also once quoted this line of dialogue for Teal'c: "The Tau'ri spoke too much of their defeats, and not enough of their victories." She said she'd like to use it in a fanfic

Comments

[sg_betty]

Wow! I hadn't envisioned anything so intense! This is great, Fig! I love the way you weave the mythology, the slow unfolding of the horror of events, and the team's reactions. The descriptions all really made the place real--I could practically feel the rain running down my neck

[sg_fignewton]

Oh, I'm so pleased you liked it! This was one was hard. :) And Random was a tremendous help in helping get the atmosphere (if you'll pardon the pun) right.

forcing them to acknowledge that you don't write off your victories when you lose a battle, even spectacularly

Yes, well, that's all down to your lovely Teal'c quote, isn't it? Once I had the prompt and the line, I just had to put them together! :)

I do think Jack's method of poking Daniel for reaction is a good one, actually, even if it's sometimes the equivalent of cauterizing a wound. But yes, it is very much Teal'c to relentlessly present logic until Daniel has to concede it.

I don't think there will be a sequel, no. :) But if I ever do a remix of my own fic (are such things done, I wonder?) I would like to write the actual mission, not just the aftermath. If it didn't hurt too much.

Thanks, Betty!

[aelfgyfu_mead]

Teal'c is right-and probably the only one whom Daniel would hear saying such things.

Wow, this one hurts.

[sg_fignewton]

Hm - Hammond, maybe. But I can't think of anyone else, either, and I question if even George could make it stick.

I love Teal'c and Daniel's friendship. It makes even less sense than Jack and Daniel's!

It hurts indeed, but I hope in a good way. :) Thanks!

[sela21k]

I love fanfiction and this fic is one of the reasons why. You write team fic so well and you have their voices down. You convinced me that these are real people with real hurts and real pain. Fanstastic!

Everything does not always turn out well in the end. Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. This was wonderfully done. I can't say enough about it.

[sg_fignewton]

Oh, that was to be one of the loveliest compliments ever: You convinced me that these are real people with real hurts and real pain. Thank you!

I'm not saying it was fun to write about failure like this (I personally prefer happy endings!), but I'm proud of how it came out and I'm really glad you liked it.

[randomfreshink]

I think this is now one of my favorite things you've written -- so many great little moments here. It's a great reminder just how hard they had to fight, just how tough the odds were against them. I love how you've layered things in here.

And this bit:

"Jack heard the hiss of fury, saw that first shift of weight, and clamped his hand down hard on Daniel's wounded shoulder. He ignored the stifled gasp of pain and tightened his grip for good measure. Daniel was a little too good at darting out into danger when someone needed protection, but it wouldn't help now -- it would only cause more deaths."

With the echo then at then end of Jack's hand on Daniel's good shoulder. So Jack to use gestures and touch, not words. And to let Teal'c use the words. And nice bits for Sam to build the bridge, to be unhappy with the situation, but still be doing as ordered. So much heartache, and yet some hope that they're all hanging onto.

Great teamy goodness!

[sg_fignewton]

You are always so encouraging to me!

And I'm glad you liked that last little addition! I did very much want it to be a parallel between Jack's gesture at the very beginning and at the very ending, too. Thanks for picking up on that. :)

I do wish I could've fit more Sam in this, but I'm pretty happy with how she worked out in the few scenes she does have. Letting Teal'c use words - ha! Pretty rare, I suppose, when the guy has such a fabulous turn of phrase on the few occasions he does get to speak in the show.

Jack has never been good at words, but he is good at "show, don't tell," isn't he?

Thanks again for your tremendous help here - it wouldn't be half as good without you.

[sailorsueuk]

Just put a rec for this on Stargatefic :-)

http://community.livejournal.com/stargateficrec/1415298.html

[sg_fignewton]

And a very delightful (and unexpected!) rec it is, too. :) Thank you so much!

I'm especially pleased that Daniel's struggle resonated with you - despite Jack's voice here, and the importance of his own reactions and frustrations, I do see Daniel as the focus.