The Untold Benefits of Sobriety by Emily
Looks like I'm first again. *chews nails*
Title: The Untold Benefits of Sobriety
Author: Emily
Challenge: off-duty
Ratings/Warnings: 13+, drunk fic
Pairing: none
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made.
Notes: Thanks to azarsuerte for help in coming up with embarrassing ways for Daniel to have spent the eighties and for the AIM beta.
*
"Teal'c?"
"Yes O'Neill?"
"Did I at any point last night declare my undying love for you?"
"You did."
"You do know I was talking about--you're my buddy Teal'c. But not--I mean. I know you don't really get hung up on that and...uh...You're very...but I don't--I'm not..."
"I do not wish to engage in sexual relations with you O'Neill. I am confident that you feel the same."
"Oh. Good."
"However, Sergeant Harriman did tape your speech and I am unsure the rest of the base will share my confidence."
"Well. It would appear I'm going to have to kill Walter. Where are my shoes?"
*
"Teal'c?"
"Yes Daniel Jackson?"
"Um...I think I may have admitted to some embarrassing things last night and I was wondering if maybe you could, uh..."
"If you are speaking to your skill as a break dancer, everyone who was here knows. You demonstrated."
Daniel scrubbed at his face with his hands. "Is that why I have a bruise on my..."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"Never mind," Daniel said quickly. "Um. No actually I was talking about--"
"Your mullet circa 1989?"
Daniel flinched. "Everyone knows about that too now, huh?"
"You showed pictures."
"Kill me."
"Of you break dancing with a mullet."
"Right now."
"Sergeant Harriman filmed them."
Daniel blinked. "Kill Walter then."
"O'Neill already intends to."
"Oh. Okay. Where's the coffee?"
*
"Teal'c?"
"Major Carter?"
"How drunk was I last night?"
"Quite."
"Drunk enough to puke on General Hammond's shoes."
"Indeed."
"Drunk enough to laugh after I did it."
"Indeed."
"Did Walter tape that too?"
"He did. O'Neill is arranging his demise for other reasons as we speak."
"Coffee," Sam said. "I need coffee."
*
"This sucks!"
"You should not use such language Cassandra."
"Come on, Teal'c. I'm seventeen years old. I should be allowed to drink."
"Perhaps. But there is also much entertainment to be had when you are sober and your friends are not."
"Like what?"
"Watch the tape and you will see."
END
Title: The Untold Benefits of Sobriety
Author: Emily
Challenge: off-duty
Ratings/Warnings: 13+, drunk fic
Pairing: none
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made.
Notes: Thanks to azarsuerte for help in coming up with embarrassing ways for Daniel to have spent the eighties and for the AIM beta.
*
"Teal'c?"
"Yes O'Neill?"
"Did I at any point last night declare my undying love for you?"
"You did."
"You do know I was talking about--you're my buddy Teal'c. But not--I mean. I know you don't really get hung up on that and...uh...You're very...but I don't--I'm not..."
"I do not wish to engage in sexual relations with you O'Neill. I am confident that you feel the same."
"Oh. Good."
"However, Sergeant Harriman did tape your speech and I am unsure the rest of the base will share my confidence."
"Well. It would appear I'm going to have to kill Walter. Where are my shoes?"
*
"Teal'c?"
"Yes Daniel Jackson?"
"Um...I think I may have admitted to some embarrassing things last night and I was wondering if maybe you could, uh..."
"If you are speaking to your skill as a break dancer, everyone who was here knows. You demonstrated."
Daniel scrubbed at his face with his hands. "Is that why I have a bruise on my..."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"Never mind," Daniel said quickly. "Um. No actually I was talking about--"
"Your mullet circa 1989?"
Daniel flinched. "Everyone knows about that too now, huh?"
"You showed pictures."
"Kill me."
"Of you break dancing with a mullet."
"Right now."
"Sergeant Harriman filmed them."
Daniel blinked. "Kill Walter then."
"O'Neill already intends to."
"Oh. Okay. Where's the coffee?"
*
"Teal'c?"
"Major Carter?"
"How drunk was I last night?"
"Quite."
"Drunk enough to puke on General Hammond's shoes."
"Indeed."
"Drunk enough to laugh after I did it."
"Indeed."
"Did Walter tape that too?"
"He did. O'Neill is arranging his demise for other reasons as we speak."
"Coffee," Sam said. "I need coffee."
*
"This sucks!"
"You should not use such language Cassandra."
"Come on, Teal'c. I'm seventeen years old. I should be allowed to drink."
"Perhaps. But there is also much entertainment to be had when you are sober and your friends are not."
"Like what?"
"Watch the tape and you will see."
END