DEF. BLAH!!!!
I just feeling really blah tonight.. Just been thinking alot today.. Got into another fight with my GF. Oh goody another fight. We talked about being on a break or breaking up since we have been fighting so much lately. Then she said my worse nightmare, she said that she thinks that if we break up then she doesn't think we could have a friendship.. OK NOW THAT WAS A STAB IN THE HEART! I don't want to lose her in my life. I don't not want her to be a part of my life even if we aren't together. That isn't fair. I have stayed friends with my exes (well one b/c he completely screwed me over, and the other cause my girl doesn't like her). But I have had a one night stand (BAD IDEA) and we still talk, I mean we aren't the best of friends, but we never were. It scared me, b/c that is my biggest fear is completely losing her.... I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!
So then things are going ok for us after that talk. We both agreed that we wanted to stop fighting, so we will see how that goes. Then she really started to get on my nerves. She started talking about how I didn't want to marry her, and then she asked me how long it was going to take until I would say yes... HELLO!!!! WE CAN'T EVEN STOP FIGHTING FOR 24 HOURS AND SHE WANTS ME TO SAY YES!!!!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!! I understand the whole be engaged for a while but that is not what I want. I want to know that this is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and right now I don't think that is what it is. But she kept bugging me about it, "well i don't know if in 2 years I want to ask you or marry you.." Well then hello, if you think in 2 years you don't want to marry me then why are we having this conversation... It just really aggravated me today...
Another thing that is on my mind... My brother is living with us now, and his dog louis. So now that is 5 adults, 8 dogs and one of them being a freaking HORSE!!!!! So I guess my brother has been talking to someone online to some people and I guess they just had pug puppies and now of course he wants one. The couple brought the dog into his work to show him, so of course he fell in love. So my GF brings this subject up with me. HELLO!!!!!! we only have 4 people on the lease, and 3 or 4 dogs on the lease (can't remember)..But our landlord knew we had 5 to start with... We never told our landlord (which happens to be my asshole cousin which i never knew was the jerk that he is) about the puppies that our room mates dog had and the fact that we kept two of them, which was almost three of them. Now we wouldn't let our roommates keep the little girl as well as the little boy, so what would posses my brother to think it would be ok to bring ANOTHER dog into the house.. WEll I guess our roommates already said yes to him, WHAT!!!! THAT THREW ME FOR A LOOP!!! So my GF did say that she would talk to me and blah blah blah.. I mean come on, he just got a job. He doesn't have a car, the dog he has now doesn't even have his own food he is eating our dog food, and the dog was due for his shots last October... So why bring a puppy into our ALREADY DOG FILLED HOME, and yet he can't afford it right now.. I am soo angry with this situation, and yet I feel like my GF isn't behind me on the decision. I feel like she said ok to him and I'll talk to hollie.. I feel like I am the bad guy and it SUCKS!!!!
I really feel like going into a dark place and not coming out until I feel like my life is worth something right now. I am not happy and yet Im staying where I am.. I love my gf but I am starting to think that maybe she isn't right for me. I mean we are like NIGHT AND DAY!!!! If im cold, she is hot. If i want to do something, she doesn't but if she wants to do something I don't but half the time I do it anyways. Im sick of fighting and she said we need to stop fighting over everyone else (our roommates) but I feel like we are going to fight about them. They drive us nuts, and then in the back of my mind I keep thinking Im going to lose her if we break up. It hurts me to even think about it...
I do have alot of other things on my mind but I am tired and in pain so im going to lay down... bye for now
So then things are going ok for us after that talk. We both agreed that we wanted to stop fighting, so we will see how that goes. Then she really started to get on my nerves. She started talking about how I didn't want to marry her, and then she asked me how long it was going to take until I would say yes... HELLO!!!! WE CAN'T EVEN STOP FIGHTING FOR 24 HOURS AND SHE WANTS ME TO SAY YES!!!!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!! I understand the whole be engaged for a while but that is not what I want. I want to know that this is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and right now I don't think that is what it is. But she kept bugging me about it, "well i don't know if in 2 years I want to ask you or marry you.." Well then hello, if you think in 2 years you don't want to marry me then why are we having this conversation... It just really aggravated me today...
Another thing that is on my mind... My brother is living with us now, and his dog louis. So now that is 5 adults, 8 dogs and one of them being a freaking HORSE!!!!! So I guess my brother has been talking to someone online to some people and I guess they just had pug puppies and now of course he wants one. The couple brought the dog into his work to show him, so of course he fell in love. So my GF brings this subject up with me. HELLO!!!!!! we only have 4 people on the lease, and 3 or 4 dogs on the lease (can't remember)..But our landlord knew we had 5 to start with... We never told our landlord (which happens to be my asshole cousin which i never knew was the jerk that he is) about the puppies that our room mates dog had and the fact that we kept two of them, which was almost three of them. Now we wouldn't let our roommates keep the little girl as well as the little boy, so what would posses my brother to think it would be ok to bring ANOTHER dog into the house.. WEll I guess our roommates already said yes to him, WHAT!!!! THAT THREW ME FOR A LOOP!!! So my GF did say that she would talk to me and blah blah blah.. I mean come on, he just got a job. He doesn't have a car, the dog he has now doesn't even have his own food he is eating our dog food, and the dog was due for his shots last October... So why bring a puppy into our ALREADY DOG FILLED HOME, and yet he can't afford it right now.. I am soo angry with this situation, and yet I feel like my GF isn't behind me on the decision. I feel like she said ok to him and I'll talk to hollie.. I feel like I am the bad guy and it SUCKS!!!!
I really feel like going into a dark place and not coming out until I feel like my life is worth something right now. I am not happy and yet Im staying where I am.. I love my gf but I am starting to think that maybe she isn't right for me. I mean we are like NIGHT AND DAY!!!! If im cold, she is hot. If i want to do something, she doesn't but if she wants to do something I don't but half the time I do it anyways. Im sick of fighting and she said we need to stop fighting over everyone else (our roommates) but I feel like we are going to fight about them. They drive us nuts, and then in the back of my mind I keep thinking Im going to lose her if we break up. It hurts me to even think about it...
I do have alot of other things on my mind but I am tired and in pain so im going to lay down... bye for now