"You don't even know me, so don't hate me."
I wake up and run to the door, only to notice through the glass that a pack of rabid dogs are waiting to tear me to shreds. I run back to other room, where I see my bed. Upon further inspection under the bed, a hand is reaching out from the depths toward me. I immediately try to stab it with a pair of scissors.
Running back to the door again, I notice that the dogs are still there and still vicious. I run back to the bedroom, where the hand has progressed to the point of becoming a full arm attached to part of a body. This time, I make an earnest effort to remove some of its fingers. When I fail at this, the arm disappears back under the bed some. Soon, however, the entire person that the arm belonged to emerges, and I make the mental note that this must, of course, be Satan.
I also note that it is Satan as portrayed by an undying version of Michael Wincott.
As I shoot him repeatedly, he is speaking to me. After a certain number of bullets hit him in the neck, though, he begins telling me very calmly about the next person who is out to kill me. His name is Joshua, and he will always be carrying the "Spider-man gun." It scares the shit out of me.
I hear a noise, and turn around, only to see "Joshua" coming toward me. Yes, it turns out that it is Joshua Jackson of Dawson's Creek. I ran out of bullets when I was trying to shoot Satan (who is now laying wounded on the floor of my bedroom), so I find a knife behind the bed-frame and throw it at Joshua. A perfect shot, the knife sinks right into his left eye. He doesn't flinch, make a sound, or skip a beat. He just keeps coming toward me. I run down the hall, past a bunch of people I went to elementary school with, and hide in another room. Searching frantically for the scissors, I find a chair instead. I fold it neatly before lobbing it down the hallway at my attacker. Then I decide to give up, but first I yell out the doorway, asking why I'm being pursued by so many evils.