woohoo, the turn around
i actually kinda want to delete that last post, but i'm not going to. because it still stands.
things are out in the open now and I feel a lot better. Really, what I want is a good friendship, like we started out having in the beginning. That was pretty wonderful. so hopefully this means we're preventing it now from dying like it was trying to.
so basically, i have friends who love me. a lot. sometimes I dont' know why, but they do.
I'm grateful to them, even if it didn't happen exactly like I tried to plan.
I'm still way behind on Old Testament - and the zzz's, but I'm sure it will all work out, even if i have to wait until the semester is over.
and then here's the other plan. Since I won't be freaking out about my emotions and a hurt ego, and can actually function normally (or at least I hope this is how it's going to go), I can hopefully focus on God a LOT more. and then my thoughts/actions will follow.
and things will be better.
i hope that's what'll happen, anyway.
i really miss spending quality time with Jesus...
"When I Go Down"
I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works
when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found
I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet you love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again
and do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
as I exhale I hear your voice
and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise
and from my lips the words I choose to say
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
because I love you
oh God, I love you
and life is now worth living
if only because of you
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I life my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to life me up again
"Let It All Out"
Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need
and today I will trust you with confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency
and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there
and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength
and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength
and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me
reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you
and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light
i should probably post these in my room somewhere...
things are out in the open now and I feel a lot better. Really, what I want is a good friendship, like we started out having in the beginning. That was pretty wonderful. so hopefully this means we're preventing it now from dying like it was trying to.
so basically, i have friends who love me. a lot. sometimes I dont' know why, but they do.
I'm grateful to them, even if it didn't happen exactly like I tried to plan.
I'm still way behind on Old Testament - and the zzz's, but I'm sure it will all work out, even if i have to wait until the semester is over.
and then here's the other plan. Since I won't be freaking out about my emotions and a hurt ego, and can actually function normally (or at least I hope this is how it's going to go), I can hopefully focus on God a LOT more. and then my thoughts/actions will follow.
and things will be better.
i hope that's what'll happen, anyway.
i really miss spending quality time with Jesus...
"When I Go Down"
I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works
when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found
I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet you love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again
and do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
as I exhale I hear your voice
and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise
and from my lips the words I choose to say
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
because I love you
oh God, I love you
and life is now worth living
if only because of you
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I life my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to life me up again
"Let It All Out"
Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need
and today I will trust you with confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency
and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there
and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength
and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength
and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me
reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you
and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light
i should probably post these in my room somewhere...