Memory and Doubts
It started with a question, it's a question I had while talking with my friend from UW last night, we were talking about if it's possible for us to fall in love with anyone we want to... to let our self fall in love. We ended up agreeing upon the idea that it is possible. However, as I was going to bed later that night, a surprise question poped into my mind... something I'm not quite sure how to answer. Here is the story...
A few years ago, I was already a christian then, I began a dating relationship with this girl I was interested in at the time. I broke it off in a hurry because she was non christian and the situation felt very wrong at the time. I thought what I was doing at the time was for the good, to give her up for god... did I really do the right thing I ask my self now. What did I give up on that relationship for? Did I think that God would bless me more if I gave her up? Did I think that she's not the right girl for me afterall?
I thought it was the best thing for me to do, but did my relationships improve since then? No, it has only gotten worse and worse I think. I can't name a single significant female friendship off the top of my head currently... It's almost as if I had completely forgotten how to care for girls, and I can't help but feel it all started with her, the girl I gave up on.....