Dad
There's never a right time, or a right way to announce bad news. I never know how to deal with this. I want people to know, but I don't want to be a a downer and ruin someone's day... But I can't sleep with these thoughts and I just want to put them out there in the world.
In Oct. '08 my dad as diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer, a type called adenocarcinoma. In November of that year he began a combination of radiation and chemotherapy treatments for it. That went out for about 6 months, then he had surgery to remove a tumor in his esophagus, along with a large portion of his esophagus. He came through everything fine. His 6 month checkup scan was clear, and so was his 1 year scan. He just went in 2 weeks ago for his 18 month scan, and well... not so good. Looks like the stage 4 esophageal cancer has popped up again - and in new places... Both of his lungs, and in 1 lymph-node. Not good. There are some alarming statistics for the type of cancer he has, 20% of people live 5+ years after treatment because there's a 50% chance it'll keep coming back.
Ever the pessimist, my father has predicted his life expectancy is 6 months to a year - though none of the doctors have said anything like that. That's still really hard for me to think about. Comparatively, he's pretty young. My maternal grandfather just turned 94 - he's got his share of health problems that come from being 94, but my dad is only 68. A few months ago, in anger, I made a comment to a family member that if my dad was to pass away I would be relieved. I'm not sure what I feel worse about - the fact that I said it, or the fact that it was kind of true. My dad has been a functioning homeless guy since I was 10 when my parents separated. Functioning in the sense that he had a job - he was a security guard, though with his health problems he has since retired - and he would sleep at various job sights, and go to the YMCA during the day to shower and hang out when he wasn't working, he has a laptop and a cell phone. So, for about 14 years, my father has not had any place to live, but you wouldn't really know it. I have been worrying about his safety and well-being for 14 years. Yes, to a certain extent I will be relieved to not have to worry anymore.
But now, being faced with this I've started to consider other things - mainly the future. I'll be turning 24 in a couple of weeks, will my dad even be around to see me turn 25? He will miss out on grand kids - I will miss out on watching him with grand kids - would he be more like the guy who carried me to school on his shoulders? Or more like the guy who is good around the edges - good with the big things? He'll never get to meet the person I choose to marry, assuming I do decide to get married. He'll never get to walk me down the aisle... He won't get to see me succeed in my career, or be a completely independent adult. He won't get to see how he may have influenced my life in ways that neither of us could predict. When I think of all that my mother has accomplished up to now, she's 65, and all that her father has gotten to rejoice in with her - with pride - it just breaks my heart that my dad will not likely be around to experience that.
We find out next week from the doctors what the deal is. From what they've been saying so far, they plan to attack this very aggressively, using some form of chemo. But the outlook is not awesome.
I've never really relied upon my dad for emotional support. He almost never says the right thing when I really just need him to say the right thing. My mom has always been a kind of two-for-one and has worked hard to compensate for my dad's pitfalls. But he's still my dad, and I don't know if that's enough, but I love him so much - I can't help it.
In Oct. '08 my dad as diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer, a type called adenocarcinoma. In November of that year he began a combination of radiation and chemotherapy treatments for it. That went out for about 6 months, then he had surgery to remove a tumor in his esophagus, along with a large portion of his esophagus. He came through everything fine. His 6 month checkup scan was clear, and so was his 1 year scan. He just went in 2 weeks ago for his 18 month scan, and well... not so good. Looks like the stage 4 esophageal cancer has popped up again - and in new places... Both of his lungs, and in 1 lymph-node. Not good. There are some alarming statistics for the type of cancer he has, 20% of people live 5+ years after treatment because there's a 50% chance it'll keep coming back.
Ever the pessimist, my father has predicted his life expectancy is 6 months to a year - though none of the doctors have said anything like that. That's still really hard for me to think about. Comparatively, he's pretty young. My maternal grandfather just turned 94 - he's got his share of health problems that come from being 94, but my dad is only 68. A few months ago, in anger, I made a comment to a family member that if my dad was to pass away I would be relieved. I'm not sure what I feel worse about - the fact that I said it, or the fact that it was kind of true. My dad has been a functioning homeless guy since I was 10 when my parents separated. Functioning in the sense that he had a job - he was a security guard, though with his health problems he has since retired - and he would sleep at various job sights, and go to the YMCA during the day to shower and hang out when he wasn't working, he has a laptop and a cell phone. So, for about 14 years, my father has not had any place to live, but you wouldn't really know it. I have been worrying about his safety and well-being for 14 years. Yes, to a certain extent I will be relieved to not have to worry anymore.
But now, being faced with this I've started to consider other things - mainly the future. I'll be turning 24 in a couple of weeks, will my dad even be around to see me turn 25? He will miss out on grand kids - I will miss out on watching him with grand kids - would he be more like the guy who carried me to school on his shoulders? Or more like the guy who is good around the edges - good with the big things? He'll never get to meet the person I choose to marry, assuming I do decide to get married. He'll never get to walk me down the aisle... He won't get to see me succeed in my career, or be a completely independent adult. He won't get to see how he may have influenced my life in ways that neither of us could predict. When I think of all that my mother has accomplished up to now, she's 65, and all that her father has gotten to rejoice in with her - with pride - it just breaks my heart that my dad will not likely be around to experience that.
We find out next week from the doctors what the deal is. From what they've been saying so far, they plan to attack this very aggressively, using some form of chemo. But the outlook is not awesome.
I've never really relied upon my dad for emotional support. He almost never says the right thing when I really just need him to say the right thing. My mom has always been a kind of two-for-one and has worked hard to compensate for my dad's pitfalls. But he's still my dad, and I don't know if that's enough, but I love him so much - I can't help it.