(no subject)
I cried yesterday night. I cried like there was no ttomorrow, like I had a disease that could not be cured, that I knew somehow, that my life was going to end horrbily. And, it was great. honestly.
Why was it great? Since the bane of my existence (otherwise known as the Magic Flute), I haven't been able to cry. I noticed that I shut doen my emotional centers, and instead of dealing with my emotions, I had to file them away and deal with them later. I dealt with some over the summer, the easy ones that is: anger, remorse, unmet expectations. But I hadn't dealt with the frustration, the exhaustion and the never ending feeling that I wasn't in control of my life. So, finally, after all these posts, and having to talk to my parents about money, and talking with Ashley, and talking to myself...I finally just couldn't so it anymore. So, I cried. I still wouldn't let Ashley touch me, or see me cry, or hear me cry....but I did do it. And, it was fantastic. I think the only thing that was not-so-fantastic was the puffy eyes I woke up with the next day...er, today. But, I feel better. I still have no prospects I will still have to borrow cash from my parents and bear the weight of my own judgments, but I will make it through.
Just thought I should give some hope to and relief possibly (to any possible parental units who might be reading) that I'm getting better; I just needed to do it on my own time.
Why was it great? Since the bane of my existence (otherwise known as the Magic Flute), I haven't been able to cry. I noticed that I shut doen my emotional centers, and instead of dealing with my emotions, I had to file them away and deal with them later. I dealt with some over the summer, the easy ones that is: anger, remorse, unmet expectations. But I hadn't dealt with the frustration, the exhaustion and the never ending feeling that I wasn't in control of my life. So, finally, after all these posts, and having to talk to my parents about money, and talking with Ashley, and talking to myself...I finally just couldn't so it anymore. So, I cried. I still wouldn't let Ashley touch me, or see me cry, or hear me cry....but I did do it. And, it was fantastic. I think the only thing that was not-so-fantastic was the puffy eyes I woke up with the next day...er, today. But, I feel better. I still have no prospects I will still have to borrow cash from my parents and bear the weight of my own judgments, but I will make it through.
Just thought I should give some hope to and relief possibly (to any possible parental units who might be reading) that I'm getting better; I just needed to do it on my own time.