Oh regret
Okay, so it may not seem as bad to people on the outside of my mental state, but I am completely regretful for the topic of my last post. I've been thinking of that night about 400 times every day and though I have tried to justify everything, the more I think of it, the more I hate myself for not realizing what was happening. I'm so mad at myself for being so drunk I didn't notice his calculated steps; steps he had calcualted, by the way, since February....I was so blind. And, not that anything major happened (it was PG-13), but why did it have to be him? I would never guess a friend of mine to try and take advantage of me..and that's just what it was; I was drunk and he was not, though he prenteded he was...and that he pretended he was asleep when Ryan put me to bed. I'm so very disappointed in the whole situation; it's the final sign.
There is nothing there for me in that path that I have sought for so long. Twice the other had rejected me: told me there was no chance, he was moving and doesn't want anything long distance, and oh, by the way, he never liked me like that in the first place. I invited the one before back to my place for sex..that's right, sex--hardcore, tie him up, fuck his brains out sex.....and he refused. That was a huge blow to my ego; I still haven't figured it out. Lastly, I'm not finding anyone to really convince me of staying. I feel like maybe it's time to move on:
"Boy, someday you'll be a man. Girl, he'll help you understand...."
There is nothing there for me in that path that I have sought for so long. Twice the other had rejected me: told me there was no chance, he was moving and doesn't want anything long distance, and oh, by the way, he never liked me like that in the first place. I invited the one before back to my place for sex..that's right, sex--hardcore, tie him up, fuck his brains out sex.....and he refused. That was a huge blow to my ego; I still haven't figured it out. Lastly, I'm not finding anyone to really convince me of staying. I feel like maybe it's time to move on:
"Boy, someday you'll be a man. Girl, he'll help you understand...."