undesirable night

[sexytexas]

after dinner and 7 very long innings of the a&m/tech baseball game i finally got back to my room. i was really excited about going out with laura, but she called and said that she was riding with some of her friends from out of town and they didn't have room for me. at the time i didn't mind and just asked for directions so i could meet up with them later. she was going to drop back by the dorm a little later so she was going to bring them by. in the mean time, i jumped in the shower and started to get ready. once i got out of the shower i wasn't as excited about going out. it hit me all at once and i started to rethink going. of course thats when laura came by and i felt terrible for thinking about not going. its her birthday and i had to show up for a while. she and her friends where heading on over to the apartment and i told them i would meet up with them later since i was still in my towel. i headed out and as i drove over there i was thinking of excuses i could use so i could leave. since i was driving i wasn't planning on drinking so i knew i couldn't count on that to losen me up. i walked in and the party was segregated. laura has a lot of hispanic friends which doesn't bother me because i do too, but all the hispanic girls where in the kitchen and her friends from out of town and other white friends where in the living room. i knew right there the party was going to suck! i sat down for a while and chatted with laura, but i decided i needed to get out of there. i left around 1130 and called jason as i was driving home. i don't know why i called him, but i needed to talk to someone. i didn't know what to say to him though...i know there is something on my mind but i can't figure out what it is. so i let him do all the talking. this week has been emotional hell! i have never felt like this and i hate it! i have been extremely antisocial and its not a time for me to be alone. when i'm alone i feel like shit, but when i'm with people i don't want to be with i feel like shit too. now this really suprised me...while i was talking with jason, jordan called. i don't even know what to say about that. we talked for a while and he asked when i was coming back in town. i told him i was probably coming in this next weekend, but for sure during easter. he told me to call him and i said i would. i don't know why i want to keep in touch with him since he keeps screwing me over. we did get on a new level of our friendship though. he told me some really personal information and i did the same for him. maybe it will help to have a new perspective on things.

last night kinda sucked and i woke up this morning in a bad mood. lane had left me a voice mail saying that jason called her asking her to call me to find out brian's number. why the hell couldn't he just call me? that definately put in me in a crappy mood. then my mom called saying i got my form saying who my roommates are going to be next year. its a girl named brittany and a girl named leah. i got their phone numbers and their e-mail addresses for me to get in touch with them. i really don't want to contact them because i don't think i can handle knowing they are going to be bitchs before the summer. i know i will eventually call them, but i need time to build up strength. lets hope they aren't like my current roomate and they will make my experience here a lot more pleasureable.