Today Is The Day I Realized...
There has got to be more to life then this.
Waking up, eating, sleeping, and waking up again.
Going through such agony and heartache just
to start the same thing over each day.
Time and time again I've found myself
heartbroken and used. And each day I have
something that will remind me of that heartache
and pain. No matter how much I ignore it or how
much I smile to try to scare it away, the tears
are still there. So I can become something in life,
it's been done before. Might be a big accomplishment
for me, but for anyone else, it's just another face
in the crowd. So what if I have a nice house or food
in my stomach. I don't want it anymore if it causes this.
I'd be happier alone. I don't want to be happy anymore
if all it's going to do is bring me down even worse
after another shot at it. God is supposed to solve everything.
He's supposed to be my shelter when I'm in need. My comfort,
my everything. But, I can't seem to find him. Should I care
anymore? Should I pretend to be happy when on the inside I'm
screaming at the top of my lungs? So, what happens next?
Who's ready to use me, beat me, and scold me now?
It's someone else's turn. And I....I will fall into
the same trap time and time again. I have too much of a heart.
People use it and dump it in a trash can like it is nothing
at all. I can't even begin to describe how much THAT hurts.
It's like your whole chest caving in on you. A darkness you just
can't seem to find an end to. A murk too difficult to swim through.
I can't count the endless flow of tears I've cried at night
just so I could go to sleep and have dreams about the things
that haunt me and taunt me and eat me alive. Then, wake up
and do it once again...
Waking up, eating, sleeping, and waking up again.
Going through such agony and heartache just
to start the same thing over each day.
Time and time again I've found myself
heartbroken and used. And each day I have
something that will remind me of that heartache
and pain. No matter how much I ignore it or how
much I smile to try to scare it away, the tears
are still there. So I can become something in life,
it's been done before. Might be a big accomplishment
for me, but for anyone else, it's just another face
in the crowd. So what if I have a nice house or food
in my stomach. I don't want it anymore if it causes this.
I'd be happier alone. I don't want to be happy anymore
if all it's going to do is bring me down even worse
after another shot at it. God is supposed to solve everything.
He's supposed to be my shelter when I'm in need. My comfort,
my everything. But, I can't seem to find him. Should I care
anymore? Should I pretend to be happy when on the inside I'm
screaming at the top of my lungs? So, what happens next?
Who's ready to use me, beat me, and scold me now?
It's someone else's turn. And I....I will fall into
the same trap time and time again. I have too much of a heart.
People use it and dump it in a trash can like it is nothing
at all. I can't even begin to describe how much THAT hurts.
It's like your whole chest caving in on you. A darkness you just
can't seem to find an end to. A murk too difficult to swim through.
I can't count the endless flow of tears I've cried at night
just so I could go to sleep and have dreams about the things
that haunt me and taunt me and eat me alive. Then, wake up
and do it once again...