(no subject)
Chris,
I'm not really good at writting things and don't really know where to begin. I'm not the greatest person or friend in the world, I know that. I deserve little, or nothing, that is given to me including the very love of my friends. I'm sorry things didn't go right between us. I wish so much that they had. What Will does and does not do compared to anyone doesn't make him better or worse. It's how he makes me feel. I know we made an early mistake, I can say that with pride and move on with life. I'm not going to compare Will to anyone. This is not a contest. You're a great friend to me and it would be a tremendous loss to loose you. I'm sorry you hold grudges against me and I"m sorry that you look down on me...I'm really sorry you feel like that. I wish I knew how to make it better. But, I can say one thing with pride...No matter what you do, how you do it, or even when you do it, I will never, ever look down on you. We all make our choices and unless you're about to kill someone, I respect the choices that you make. May not like them, but as a friend, I will respect them. I expect nothing of you in return. I don't expect anything back from you. I'm not self-absorbant. I've been called selfish all my life and no matter how much I give to people, it's never enough. Don't ever call me self-absorbed again. You could poke a knife in my heart and it wouldn't hurt as bad as some of the things you say to me. I over look them. I'm so sorry I couldn't measure up to anything you wanted me to be. I may be a failure to everyone else, but damnit, I'm proud of myself for getting this far and I'm not going to let anything or anyone get in my way of happiness. Not becuase I'm selfish, but because I deserve it. I love you Chris. I hope that maybe oneday you'll be able to look past some of my mistakes and see the real me, as I do to you.