Thank you... come again. I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE...
This is to you…
Speaking of these things anonymously is not helpful. It’s selfish; it makes you feel better but makes everyone around you feel bad. And you say that there are no real people around. Do you even know what is going on? Do you ever call… have you ever? Was there a time that you would call and say “come over and hang out?” Or hey are you doing alright today. I’m really sick of the caddy girls. Finally, finally when I drastically change something in my life, there has to be more drama. This is pointless drama. All you care about is yourself. Thank you for caring that I’m alright after the big blow that just happened instead you go back and tear down those walls. Well give some effort then you can write these anonymous messages and maybe have something to back up why you do what you do....
So fuck off. To you, bring your selfish game somewhere else. School is tough enough. I’m just trying to get through. I’m trying to figure out how to live with these strains and how to finally approach my brother’s death. Finally finally… I can’t be a friend of someone who is willing to put me down and judge me constantly. I know my friends and I now know who I am. Strong strong strong and going to get through this. I promise myself no more of this crap. Never again. Bull shit you were abusive I cared for you so much. I was so weak and under your spell. You walked all over me. What the fuck was I doing, how could I disrespect myself so much. I let down my family and brother because I thought of you first. In turn it is my fault I know that it was. Why could I not get out of it? Finally I am able to accept what the fuck happened. And fuck you and everything you stand for. I guess I will go more into confessions since I’m already there. You, a few days after the death, you had started a fight with me about not hanging out enough. well I’m sorry I wanted to be with my family. I cried on the bed room floor. As my uncle walked in and found me half chewed up by you and not able to breathe, he hung up the phone that rang with your loud ass mouth yelling at me. My uncle said no, that’s fucked up you need to leave him. Yet, I didn’t listen. Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I listen as I was pushed to the ground? Why didn’t I listen when you were pounding your head against a rock trying to commit suicide the same day that a year had passed since my brother was gone? Why did you need all the attention? What the fuck. Now I’m scared to death to trust anyone because so far a lot of my close friends have not been there as much. I was lost I was I was. I’m okay now. My brother is by my side this time. He is proud of me wherever he is. And I know this because I feel him. The lawyers are calling and we will get all of this straightened out. Not for a second should you think that money will replace or reassure anything. Nothing ever will. I love you. And I am blessed, I really am. Thank you, you have shown me so much. I love you and miss you more than any one will ever understand. I won’t forget I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!
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