Things are moving along...
I woke up today feeling good again. I hope this is a regular thing.
It's nice to not have so many people in my life criticizing me all the time. Even though it's only been like a week of it. It's such a positive change. Carolina told me that I just have to act like it doesn't bother me, and I've always felt like I needed to try to fix things when someone criticizes me, and that if I don't they won't like me anymore, but that's not the case. I can't let other people affect me like I used to.
I'll keep day-dreaming and keep my eyes peeled until I find the person I need. I feel like people come into and out of my life for a reason, and I'm focusing on seeing those reasons and learning from it. I'm finding a lot of my relationships exist to show me how I really treat myself poorly and let people do it too without even thinking about it. Some of them show me this by treating me how I should be treated and helping me see that I'm special.
I know I'm intense, I'm almost too loving when my guard is down, and am very excitable in a lot of ways. But that's who I am right now, and that's got to be okay with me and with the people who I choose to spend time with, or who choose to spend time with me. I can't live my life worried about making others angry or not being cool enough, it's just too emotionally draining.
I am at a point where I want all the good parts of a relationship and don't want to deal with drama and bullshit. Especially when I know I am not the cause the majority of the time. I want to feel loved and to love, but I am just tired of fighting. I want a lot of things in my life to just flow easily. That is not to say I don't think fights in relationships are necessary, it would just be nice to not be with extremely stubborn people all the time. People who always turn me into the bad guy because I let myself be vulnerable.
I just don't want to feel like taking care of myself means having to push against a rock all the time, because with Sid, I was always pushing against this immovable object of his stubborn iron will.
I want a fun adventure where I can learn new things about a person and feel myself grow and most of all, be interested and happy with life.
I think I'm getting there. :)
It's nice to not have so many people in my life criticizing me all the time. Even though it's only been like a week of it. It's such a positive change. Carolina told me that I just have to act like it doesn't bother me, and I've always felt like I needed to try to fix things when someone criticizes me, and that if I don't they won't like me anymore, but that's not the case. I can't let other people affect me like I used to.
I'll keep day-dreaming and keep my eyes peeled until I find the person I need. I feel like people come into and out of my life for a reason, and I'm focusing on seeing those reasons and learning from it. I'm finding a lot of my relationships exist to show me how I really treat myself poorly and let people do it too without even thinking about it. Some of them show me this by treating me how I should be treated and helping me see that I'm special.
I know I'm intense, I'm almost too loving when my guard is down, and am very excitable in a lot of ways. But that's who I am right now, and that's got to be okay with me and with the people who I choose to spend time with, or who choose to spend time with me. I can't live my life worried about making others angry or not being cool enough, it's just too emotionally draining.
I am at a point where I want all the good parts of a relationship and don't want to deal with drama and bullshit. Especially when I know I am not the cause the majority of the time. I want to feel loved and to love, but I am just tired of fighting. I want a lot of things in my life to just flow easily. That is not to say I don't think fights in relationships are necessary, it would just be nice to not be with extremely stubborn people all the time. People who always turn me into the bad guy because I let myself be vulnerable.
I just don't want to feel like taking care of myself means having to push against a rock all the time, because with Sid, I was always pushing against this immovable object of his stubborn iron will.
I want a fun adventure where I can learn new things about a person and feel myself grow and most of all, be interested and happy with life.
I think I'm getting there. :)