How do I know what is myself?
Apparently people can tell when I'm not being myself, but I don't even know who myself is? So how do they know when I don't? Truth, does anyone really know who their self is?
What I think myself is: crazy(in the head), sad, sadistic, horrid, nothing, stupid, etc.
I question all these stupid gay shit of things because none of them seem right. It's like Why would you do that?
I think I'm a robot no feelings, I act how I think people want me to act. Not once have I ever acted other then what I thought people would want me to be. When I leave one person to go hang with another I change who I was moments before to the person I am with. Then when I leave them and go to my room where I sit by myself I stay as that person I was with. Like right now I was just hanging out with Sarah playing Pokemon puzzle(best game in the world! lol) and I am still acting like I was when I was hanging out with her SarahCortney. I'm different with everyone, but never a different when I'm by my self. Then of course there are the times I'm hanging with more then one, then that just means I combined them. When I'm hanging out with Beau, Jenny, and Melanie. I am BeauJennyMelanieCortney.
It hurts that the guy I think is awesome, believes I have no feelings. ha...
So I can't get hurt.
No feelings mean I should jump... right? Sometimes a second story apartment is nice... =3
I don't know how I should go? Jumping? Hanging? Cutting? Gun? Drowning? Electrocution? Smother? Bashing? I can't think of anymore right now? I have tried a few of these already and obviously I have been thinking of them.
What good am I, but to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You can't tell me I don't make you look good. I don't know how I have all the answers for everyone else when I have absolutely zero answers for myself. Why am I such a big part of peoples lives when I'm not even a tiny part in my life? Why does it matter if I'm here or not there are most likely(or I would like to believe) others out there who are just like me. But maybe less sadistic and self mutilating then I am, who wouldn't mind being a part of peoples lives.
~Hopes to be gone soon Cortney Taylor Hutchcraft
What I think myself is: crazy(in the head), sad, sadistic, horrid, nothing, stupid, etc.
I question all these stupid gay shit of things because none of them seem right. It's like Why would you do that?
I think I'm a robot no feelings, I act how I think people want me to act. Not once have I ever acted other then what I thought people would want me to be. When I leave one person to go hang with another I change who I was moments before to the person I am with. Then when I leave them and go to my room where I sit by myself I stay as that person I was with. Like right now I was just hanging out with Sarah playing Pokemon puzzle(best game in the world! lol) and I am still acting like I was when I was hanging out with her SarahCortney. I'm different with everyone, but never a different when I'm by my self. Then of course there are the times I'm hanging with more then one, then that just means I combined them. When I'm hanging out with Beau, Jenny, and Melanie. I am BeauJennyMelanieCortney.
It hurts that the guy I think is awesome, believes I have no feelings. ha...
So I can't get hurt.
No feelings mean I should jump... right? Sometimes a second story apartment is nice... =3
I don't know how I should go? Jumping? Hanging? Cutting? Gun? Drowning? Electrocution? Smother? Bashing? I can't think of anymore right now? I have tried a few of these already and obviously I have been thinking of them.
What good am I, but to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You can't tell me I don't make you look good. I don't know how I have all the answers for everyone else when I have absolutely zero answers for myself. Why am I such a big part of peoples lives when I'm not even a tiny part in my life? Why does it matter if I'm here or not there are most likely(or I would like to believe) others out there who are just like me. But maybe less sadistic and self mutilating then I am, who wouldn't mind being a part of peoples lives.
~Hopes to be gone soon Cortney Taylor Hutchcraft