musebyquotes | 2.4. David Assael quote

May 11, 2009 01:13

2.4. "They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers."
- David Assael

Co-written with cameronpreston

It was pissing down rain outside in Liverpool that afternoon, and it was enough to match Cameron's mood. He was sitting up in the hospital bed for the first time in days, but it didn't make him any happier to be there. His iPod served as no relief, nor did any number of the magazines and books his family had brought him. He had a visit from a bunch of his team mates that morning who had come to offer the sympathies that he was out for the season. The visit had been sombre, each man knowing exactly how it would feel to be in Cameron's position. He knew Pat was due to come soon and he found himself really wishing his brother would appear. He missed him. He missed him a lot.


Almost as if on cue, Pat appeared in the doorway of Cameron's room with an elaborate hand gesture, adorned in one of Cameron's Liverpool jerseys, and started singing loudly and passionately. "When youwaaaaaalk through a stooooorm, hold your heeeeeeeead up high! And dooooooon't be afraid of the daaaaaaaaaaark! At the ennnnnnd of the stoooooooorm, is a gooooooolden skyyyyy... and the sweet silver sooooong of a laaaaaaaaaaaaaaark !" He paused only briefly to drawn a breath, throwing his hand out again as he stepped further into Cameron's room, moving to the bed. "Walkoooooooooooooooon through the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind! Walk ooooooooooon through the raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain! Though your dreams be tossed and blooooo-ooown!"

Cameron gaped, and not just because he knew his brother could sing when he wanted to. No, it was the fact Pat had immediately caught the attentions of the nursing staff, doctors, passing visitors and probably half the patients in the ward. You don't walk into a public place in Liverpool singing the Liverpool FC anthem at the top of your lungs without drawing attention to yourself. But drawing attention to himself was something Pat had always been adept at, even if this time it was evident he was only here to cheer his twin brother up. Cameron's gloomy face soon started to brighten as his lips curled into a smile and he gave a disbelieving laugh. Pat always found a way, no matter what.

"WALK ON! WAAA-AALK OOOO-ON!" Pat sung, with all the passion of a loyal football fan, throwing both hands up in the air. "WITH HOOOOOOOOOOOPE IN YOUR HEEEE-ARRRRRRRT! AND YOU'LL NEEEEEEEEEE-VERRRRRRRRRRRR WAAAAAAAAAALK AL-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! YOUUUUUU'LLLL NE-EVERRRRR WALLLLLLLLLLLLLK ALOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" He made it to the end of Cameron's bed, and Cameron started to laugh harder when his brother jumped up onto it, one hand on his heart. "WALK ON!WAAA-AALK OOOO-ON! WITH HOOOOOOOOOOOPE IN YOUR HEEEE-ARRRRRRRT! AND YOU'LL NEEEEEEEEEE-VERRRRRRRRRRRR WAAAAAAAAAALK AL-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! YOU'LLLLL NE-EVERRRRR WALK... AL-OOOONNEEEEEEEEEE!"

Some of the nurses and visitors, with a handful of doctors and even a couple of cleaners had followed Pat into the doorway of Cameron's room. When the singing stopped, everyone started cheering and applauding. Cameron just looked up at his brother, still laughing, but shaking his head knowingly. He started to clap with the crowd. "Ladies and gentleman, my very twin, and very cabaret, brother, Patrick!"

But just when Cameron thought the show was over, Pat turned to the crowd with a grin and raised his hands to start singing again, and if Cameron wasn't basically stuck in the position he was, he would have fallen out of the bed when everyone promptly started singing the football anthem all over again right along with his twin, complete with swaying and waving arms. Cameron had no choice but to just watch, stunned, but nearing happy and emotional tears as he did. When the song ended, Cameron held out his hand, as he looked up at Pat tears pricking his eyes. "Come here, you bastard," he said hoarsely and waited for Pat to climb down off the bed. When he was close enough, Cameron drew him into a firm, secure hug, his grip so tight it was light he would never let go. The crowd had filtered out of the room again, but the twin embrace continued, Cameron rubbing his hand affectionately across Pat's back. "I'm sorry, Patto. I'm so sorry..." he whispered roughly against Pat's shoulder.

"Hey, hey, no..." Pat murmured, tightening the hug just a little more. "It's okay, Cam. I get it. No apologies. Just the here and now, okay? We just need to concentrate on getting you healed and smiling again." He pressed a kiss to his brother's cheek and sat down on the edge of the bed, his hands still on Cameron's arms. He grabbed some tissues from the dispenser and tucked them into Cameron's hand with a small smile.

Cameron wiped at his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "I have to, Patto. Please. I was a fucking arsehole and I should never have ruined that all for you. You're married. Married. I mean, fucking hell! That's just... huge... and amazing. And I mean that, buddy. I really do. No one should've been happier for you than me, and I was too much of a selfish wanker to see that." He took Pat's hand and looked at his wedding ring. "It suits your girly hands," he teased, meeting his twin's eyes with a smirk.

And immediately earned a 'girly' slap in the head from said twin. "Do I have to remind you that Aiden actually wears a matching one and there's nothing girly about him, darling," Pat said pointedly. But his face fell serious, blue eyes watching his brother closely. "I don't blame you, Cam. You had every right to be hurt and upset. I should have told you. I should have called you and given you warning to come. Things had just been... tough lately. That last attack I had, it scared me. Really scared me. I just... I didn't think I would get out of the chair that time. Lachie having a baby and being there to watch him be a father like he's just made for the job, and then RJ getting seriously ill. Family, and marriage, and kids... it was all on my mind. A lot. It was fantastic meeting Aiden's parents and his family. It just felt so right, and they were joking about being my in-laws and teasing about setting a date. It was fun. But it was right after Harri found out she was pregnant and Aiden and I were suddenly starkly aware that a family of our own just might not come for us one day. But we still had each other. Then news of Chase having cancer broke and it brought so much home to me. So much. How much Aiden had risked being with me and how much he was promising to take on. How on any day I could wake up and be permanently incapacitated." He paused, his voice breaking as a couple of tears spilled over and dripped down his cheeks.

"When we spoke about it, I just knew I really wanted to marry him. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. The whole wedding thing didn't seem important, just the promise to him that all his sacrifices weren't for nothing. I wasn't really thinking about much else, and I'm sorry," he whispered, meeting Cameron's eyes. "If I could turn it back and change it so you could just be there, I would."

Cameron tugged Pat back into another warm hug. The guilt gave way to something else... that helpless ache he got when he just knew he really couldn't ever take Pat's pain away completely, no matter how many nights he had laid awake at night following the diagnosis trying to work out ways to make his brother better... to swap places with him. "No apologies, remember?" he said softly. "Just show me the photos and the video, and I'll be happy. I promise. I can see it in your eyes how happy you are. I didn't need to see it on the day. That was yours and Aiden's day... it's how it should have been. And you'll have a family, Patto. You will. I know you've always wanted one and there are ways. There are."

"Ways that can't ever justify the end, Cam," Pat said tearfully, grateful to be in the hug when this topic was unexpectedly stumbled on upon. "Tara and Lachie... they've offered for Tara to be a surrogate for us down the track with a donor egg, but it's not going to happen."

Cameron pulled back a little so he could see Pat's eyes, his own wide in surprise, but his twin's head was stooped, gaze averted to his lap. "Why not, Patto? You offered to be a sperm donor when you thought Lachie couldn't have kids. You offered them a way to have everything they wanted. Why can't they do the same for you in return?" he asked helplessly. "You and Aiden would be brilliant parents!"

"No, we wouldn't!" Pat growled in frustration, lifting his head sharply to glare at his brother. He hugged his arms around himself and swallowed as he averted his gaze again. "I don't want kids. Not anymore. I wish everyone would stop talking about me having them."

Cameron knew when something hit a sensitive nerve in his brother. There was only one real thing in this world that could make Pat's anger slice through like that, and it was misdirected. Misdirected from himself. They were twins. Pat's evasive act might work with most other people, but never Cameron. "You don't think you're going to be well enough to have them," he guessed, placing his hand on Pat's knee. "You think if you get sick again, it will be too much of a burden on Aiden to care for you and a child. But even worse, you hate yourself because you don't think you'll be strong enough to care for a child yourself. You've been watching Lachlan and Tara with RJ and you hate yourself because you don't think you'll have the capacity to do it yourself."

Pat glanced up, briefly looking like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't before he dropped his gaze back down to his lap. His eyes were wet and he pushed some of the tears off his cheeks with this fingers. "Stop poking around in my brain, darling," he whispered hoarsely. "It's not what I think, it's reality. And it's even worse, because I know now how much Aiden wants children. I saw how hurt he was when Harri told him she was pregnant. He had always thought she would be his surrogate, but now that she's having one of her own, he won't rightly do it. He won't want his child being a sibling to Harri's. It just wouldn't be right. At least, I'm pretty sure that's his train of thought. We haven't talked about it. I... I didn't want to talk about it. I haven't even told him about Tara and Lachie's offer."

Cameron was frowning, watching Pat close in on himself before him all over again. "But you're brilliant with kids, Patto. I don't think I have ever once seen RJ cry when you've been holding him. You've always had this... this thing... people just love you. You love them back. You care about everyone and would hand over your heart if you thought it would save someone you loved. How is that not perfect parent material?"

More tears spilt over and Pat shook his head. "I'm not physically perfect for anything, Cam. The sooner everyone realises that, the better. When I'm sick, I can't even dress myself or make it to the toilet some days. I can hardly speak on the bad days. I hurt myself without realising. The wheelchair and lack of mobility is just scratching the surface." He shook his head. "And it hurts. It hurts like you wouldn't believe, but it's not doing me or anyone else any good to not face up to reality with this. Kids are just... it would be unfair for me to even contemplate it. I'm happy to beRJ's godfather and help Tara and Lachie out whenever they need it. Harri and Marc has asked us to be godfathers to their wee one. I can be a really fantastic godfather, and that... has to be enough."

Cameron was soon hugging his brother again, this time not pulling out of it. "Why didn't you say anything, Patto? Why didn't you talk to me? I would have listened," he insisted quietly, rubbing Pat's back again.

"I know," Pat mumbled, his arm going loosely around Cameron's waist. "There's just not really been much of a chance. I wanted to. I really did. I guess it was just easier to push it to the back of my mind and not admit to it. I got irrationally angry with Tara when she made the offer, and I think I offended her, but I haven't even been able to raise the subject with her again. Everything lately has just felt like it's happened in rapid succession, like falling dominoes. Mexico, landing back in hospital, Christmas, New Year's, Aiden's thirtieth, RJ's birth, New Year, rehab, Aiden proposing, RJ getting seriously ill and being diagnosed with diabetes, Harri falling pregnant, the Canada trip, getting married, the surrogacy offer, our fight, the twin wedding, you getting hurt, coming to England... I think my head is all still back at trying to believe Lachie is a Dad. I'm just lost. I've been lucky to have Aiden with me to keep me sane. These days, I just don't cope with things as well as I used to. And I miss you. I don't feel as connected to you lately as I normally do and I don't know why, but I can only think it's because my head is choked up with everything else. Every time I go to call you I realise it's mid-season and usually the middle of the night. You need your rest."

"I need my brother more," Cameron said thickly, becoming emotional at Pat's words. "I miss you too, Patto. And I... I'm going to come to Princeton for rehab. That is, if you'll have me. I want to spend time with you and get to know Aiden. I want to catch up with everyone, and see Lachie being a Dad. If I'm going to be out of action, I may as well make the most of it."

It was Pat's turn to pull slightly out of the embrace so he could see Cameron's face. "Are you sure this isn't because it's only a couple of hours from a certain Special Agent?" he asked with a small smirk.

When Cameron smirked too, it was identical. "You got me. I really want to pick Marc's brain for fashion tips," he joked and then shook his head slightly. "I don't know, Pat. That whole situation has screwed with my head. I need a bit more time to get to know Izzy away from the shit explosion. So, yeah, maybe being in the States will help with that a bit. Just, the fact I used to fuck Harri is weird on account of the fact Marc is married to Izzy and I've fucked her too. My drugged brain is refusing to process that. I need more time with her. Let's just call it killing, like, five birds with one stone," he said. He took some tissues this time and handed them to his brother. "You look knackered, Patto."

"I think she just wants to get to know you too," Pat agreed, wiping his eyes and nose with the tissues. "Not that I'm professing to understand the situation any better than you do. I'm just as peripheral and a little intimidated by it all. I just know a lot of people have been inadvertently hurt by it, but maybe for good in the long run. I've also been hell-bent worrying about you. Jet-lagged, not sleeping, not sure how you were going to even cope with the surgery... it's not the best combination."

Cameron carefully shifted over on the bed, making sure not to jolt his leg. "Wanna lie down?" he offered, patting the vacant space beside him. The bed wasn't very big and the space not very generous, but Pat was a skinny arse and would fit with no troubles. "Where's Aiden? Is he coming here? You can chill until he comes."

Pat looked at the space on the bed tiredly and then nodded. "He's coming a bit later. He was going to try and make some phone calls for his work, and then call Harri. Mum and Dad drove me over." He kicked off his shoes and laid down on his back beside Cameron, looking up at the ceiling. They fell into silence for a few moments, then, "You're still my Best Man, Cam. You always will be."

Cameron felt a smile appear on his lips, a warm feeling washing through him at Pat's words. He linked his arm in through his Pat's,catching sight of his brother's wedding ring. "Ditto, buddy."

All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

Word Count | 2,829

[comm] musebyquotes, [plot] love versus illness, [with] cameron, [plot] eloping, [plot] twin issues, [co-written] cameronpreston

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