Rebuilding My Life
So much has happened and in so little time. I've been through alot, but the trials I go through are making me stronger. Right now I am working on rebuilding my life. It's not easy I know, but with determination and courage I know I can make it. I have some wonderful friends here in Pensacola who are helping me out. I am now dating a Navy guy named Jimmy Winkler. He's three months younger then me; I'm the older one in the relationship for a change :). He's 6'4" so yea another tall guy. Right now he is in California, stationed there for 2 to 3 years. Jimmy will never have to go to sea because he is training to be a teacher for the Navy. That makes it easier on the relationship. We both want a serious relationship and I hope that this one works out. Right now we are calling each other on the phone and stuff. I did meet him in person and not on the internet. He's a very caring and sweet person. We have been talking about me going to California to live. Hey I was born in San Diego, so it'll be like going back home. I have put in job applications and await for people to get back with me. Eventually I will save up money to get my own apartment or get a roommate to split the rent with which will probably be easier. I'm not gonna get down, for I have strength in me to make something of my life and continue on. I do feel like my family walked out on me as nobody called on Christmas to wish me a Merry Christmas. But anyways, I do still love all my family. Freddie, I am not mad at you and I realize you are doing what you think is the best for me, but I do not want you out of my life. I love you alot. I want to apologize to everyone I have hurt in life. I ask that you believe in me and not give up on me and walk out on me. I never meant to cause anyone pain. I'm not going to make any excuses for I have none. I'm going to change and be the happy person that I once was a long time ago before my family fell apart. I'm tired of living my life always worrying about things that I have no control over. I want to live a good happy life and enjoy being me. Sure, there will be pain and heartache along the way but no more am I gonna cause others pain and heartache. I know sorry wont heal the pain I caused, but to Freddie, Nathan, and all the others I have hurt, I sincerely apologize. You guys mean alot to me and I don't want to see ya'll hurting and I don't want to cause anymore pain. It's time for me to turn my life around and quit being so selfish. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself, for I got myself into this mess, and now out of this mess I will get out of it. Please have patience with me. I love you!