Falling Into Depression
For some reason I am getting so depressed lately. I'm starting to fall into depression again and I am trying to pull myself out of it but to no avail. I heard the song Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne and it made me think of things. There's something wrong with me. It's like I'm starting to have the same attitude in life that my father always had which is so not cool. I don't want to be like Dad. I want to be the happy Jenna that I once was. Instead I'm just a miserable person inside driving away all those close to me. It's hard to put into words how I feel. I guess some scars just never heal. I'm afraid of telling confiding in people too cuz I fear getting hurt all over again. Shoot, sometimes I wonder how my boyfriend can love me when I put him through alot and when I'm a total jerk to him always getting angry when he doesnt even do anything wrong. I want to quit the fighting and arguing but yet it's still going on and I just have this feeling like Nathan's gonna leave me soon and I wouldn't blame him for the way I've been acting. One minute I'm all happy the next minute I'm all down. At the library the other day I looked in the mirror and saw a face too old for a 19 year old. I feel like I'm way too old for 19. To be honest, I feel lost and alone and trapped in this life. The other day I wanted to cut myself but thankfully there wasn't a knife around. I hate this side of me right now. I hate this person I am becoming. I'm not even sure about anything anymore. My relationship is on rocky waters right now with all the arguing and fighting and I have family things I'm worrying about and it's all weighing on me right now. I'm mentally and emotionally wrecked and exhausted right now.