only in my greatest time of stupidity do i realize my futility
so yea. where to begin?
ive decided taht ive had enough with the bullshit. and for once,im gonna unload on "paper",or whatever. anyone that might listen to my bullshit is either asleep,or"busy", or...yea,thats about it.
life for me,so far,really hasnt been goin that great. i mean,its allright. it could be worse. but its not..grand.
i know i shouldnt be complaning...i mean fuck.i should be dead. but still. im only human,if u give me that much. so im gonna complain all i fucking want.
so i get this new phone right? and its bitchin.
oh wait. lets rewind.
why did i get a new phone in the first place?
cuz the other one got fucking run over. by my exgirlfriends current boyfriend,in a fit of blind rage. and honestly,i dont care if she turned it on vibrate,and called it, and u kno where im goin with this,right in front of him. he shoudlnt have done that shit. its just fucked up. i talked to a lawyer and my dad,and both agree that its not worth pressing charges. not only is he going to jail anyway eventually (marijuana posession, pcp posession, concealed weapon, driving on a suspended license, dui, and some other shit, i think)....but like, and i quote "if u were the one to push him over the edge,hed kill you. my advice, sit it out,and send him a jar of vasoline in the summer". thanks a fucking lot. still doesnt get me a fucking phone.
so my dad had to shell out 300 bucks for a fuckin razor. why the razor? why not.thought id change it up a bit.
so i got this fucking razor,right? and its all cool lookin n shit.but i dont have text cuz my dads a douche.
furthermore,since i didnt get it thru cingular,i dont have cingular mall. so i cant download ringers.
and since i dont have txt, i cant go on some random site,and download it from them,cuz i need txt for the passowrd or some shit.
so i tried loggin in my cingular account. my bad, my "dads" cingular account,for my number.
failed,cuz i dont know the password.
tried to change it.
failed,cuz i dont know his social security.
i get the number...and then...i dont know what happend. but now,no matter what i do,im locked out of the fuckin account.
so not only do i get no ringers(whcih yea,seems trivial...but godfuck. is it really that much to ask?), but i cant log in my fucking account. and my dad knows. meaning,he knows that he cant log into his own account. "fuck yous" flew like rain.
and furthermore,i dont know what the fuck is up with my screen,but it takes like..30 seconds to boot up. so when i open it...i have to fucking wait. i shouldnt,but i have to. cuz my phones a piece of shit.
and sometimes, to add insult to injury, my fuckin screens backwards.thats right.sometimes,i open my phone,and the battery thing is on the other side,and all the wrting and the buttons n shit are inverted.
i kno.spud,get over it,its no big deal.
well fuck you. my dad didnt spend 300 bucks for this piece of shit.
and...by the way,this is like..most of my fuckin graduation present.
yea i should be grateful...but still...doesnt mean i shoudnt be fuckin pissed.
and i am.
schools pissin the living shit out of me.
i have 7 fuckin periods, when i need two. my parents wont let me leave early,cuz..its better to sit in the fucking subschool for an extra 3 hours a day instead of stayin at home or at work...cuz...id probably get in less trouble if i stay in school..right...the most trouble ive gotten myself into was in school,fuckers.
and im failing government.and that is my fault...but still. once again.dont give a shit.im still pissed about it.
and if i dont graduate,which is in question, zak n bryan dont get to come to italy. meaning, id have to reimburse them 800 bucks.
i only have 1300 in my account.
fuck.
no pressure.
and i might have detention for showing up late to a class that i shouldnt be takin anyway.
whcih would put my graduation more at risk.
im just so fucking sick of school..its like...a month till the end,but this month is seriously gettin rammed down my throat.im so sick of this bullshit.
again,im failing most of my classes. out of 5 classes..im failing 4. 3 of which i seriously imposed my parents into not making me take.because i dont need them.or wanted them. ANY of them.fuck french. fuck film studies. fuck info.fuck math. fuck geosystems. i dont need that bullshit. do they need any more reminders that im not a "model student" and really couldnt give a fuck? what part of "i hate this place,im not taking these fucking classes" do they not understand?
fucking prom is pissin the living shit out of me. if i knew it was gonna be this much of a fucking pain in the ass,i wouldve never agreed to this.
so apparently,i dont know if u guys kno this or not, but ive been told that chances are we're not gettin a room. and thats waht i was really lookin foward to. fuck the dance. fuck the tux. fuck the money and the limo. i just wanted to hang out with a bunch of my friends,and drink.
alot.
because,and i honestly dont give a fuck what anyone says, i didnt want my fuckng prom to be like this.
yea sure i might end up having the time of my life...but as of right now,the mere thought gives me a fucking anurysm. and an ulcer.
fucking high school drama is gettin on my last nerve. he likes me,she hates me,shes goin with someone else,hes insensitive...fuck you. who cares?
theres what....a month and a week till the end? so thats what...like...25 days...make that 20..that i need to be in school....who gives a fuck? none of u are gonna see each other next year,with any luck. fucking dump them,or get with them,or fuck them,or do whatever u need to do.
and i say this very bitter and hurtful comment,in response to my own goddman high school drama. im fuckin sick of it.ur a friend,come to me with ur problems,i got nothin else better for me anyway.
but let me tell ya. i have allowed myself to be caught up in some bullshit that nobody else would deal with.
and why do i deal with it? who the fuck knows.
who the fuck cares. i just do.
im so fucking pissed at everything and everyone. these fucking cigarettes suck. this water sucks. my fuckin phone sucks.i hate this song. i hate RIGHT NOW.
THIS is when i really had a chance to get away. just...POOF. whered spud go?
i feel like i have a fuckin ice pick jammed between my eyes. like...someone came up from behind me,and stuck this fucking thing right in the middle of my skull. i really need to go to fuckin bed,cuz,god forbid,i need to get to info systems on time tomorrow.
but i still have this fucking paper to write.
i dont even know why they put us up to this. i hate my community. i hate this fucking country.
right now,id give my left nut to just go to a bar,and crawl into a bottle and wake up in next week.
and then crawl into another one.
i just feel so shitty.
and this fucking journal bullshit "exercise" isnt helping worth of shit. if anything, my hands and eyes are gettin tired.
and i have this sickening rusty taste in my mouth. i think im bleeding,but i dont kno where.
ill tell you one thing...its not gonna be atomic bombs to end mankind. its not gonna be biological warfare. its not gonna be the 4 fuckin horsemen.
its gonna be women.
because as its true that women will lead to my demise,they will lead to everyone elses demise too.
i fucking hate this shit.
fuck you.
ive decided taht ive had enough with the bullshit. and for once,im gonna unload on "paper",or whatever. anyone that might listen to my bullshit is either asleep,or"busy", or...yea,thats about it.
life for me,so far,really hasnt been goin that great. i mean,its allright. it could be worse. but its not..grand.
i know i shouldnt be complaning...i mean fuck.i should be dead. but still. im only human,if u give me that much. so im gonna complain all i fucking want.
so i get this new phone right? and its bitchin.
oh wait. lets rewind.
why did i get a new phone in the first place?
cuz the other one got fucking run over. by my exgirlfriends current boyfriend,in a fit of blind rage. and honestly,i dont care if she turned it on vibrate,and called it, and u kno where im goin with this,right in front of him. he shoudlnt have done that shit. its just fucked up. i talked to a lawyer and my dad,and both agree that its not worth pressing charges. not only is he going to jail anyway eventually (marijuana posession, pcp posession, concealed weapon, driving on a suspended license, dui, and some other shit, i think)....but like, and i quote "if u were the one to push him over the edge,hed kill you. my advice, sit it out,and send him a jar of vasoline in the summer". thanks a fucking lot. still doesnt get me a fucking phone.
so my dad had to shell out 300 bucks for a fuckin razor. why the razor? why not.thought id change it up a bit.
so i got this fucking razor,right? and its all cool lookin n shit.but i dont have text cuz my dads a douche.
furthermore,since i didnt get it thru cingular,i dont have cingular mall. so i cant download ringers.
and since i dont have txt, i cant go on some random site,and download it from them,cuz i need txt for the passowrd or some shit.
so i tried loggin in my cingular account. my bad, my "dads" cingular account,for my number.
failed,cuz i dont know the password.
tried to change it.
failed,cuz i dont know his social security.
i get the number...and then...i dont know what happend. but now,no matter what i do,im locked out of the fuckin account.
so not only do i get no ringers(whcih yea,seems trivial...but godfuck. is it really that much to ask?), but i cant log in my fucking account. and my dad knows. meaning,he knows that he cant log into his own account. "fuck yous" flew like rain.
and furthermore,i dont know what the fuck is up with my screen,but it takes like..30 seconds to boot up. so when i open it...i have to fucking wait. i shouldnt,but i have to. cuz my phones a piece of shit.
and sometimes, to add insult to injury, my fuckin screens backwards.thats right.sometimes,i open my phone,and the battery thing is on the other side,and all the wrting and the buttons n shit are inverted.
i kno.spud,get over it,its no big deal.
well fuck you. my dad didnt spend 300 bucks for this piece of shit.
and...by the way,this is like..most of my fuckin graduation present.
yea i should be grateful...but still...doesnt mean i shoudnt be fuckin pissed.
and i am.
schools pissin the living shit out of me.
i have 7 fuckin periods, when i need two. my parents wont let me leave early,cuz..its better to sit in the fucking subschool for an extra 3 hours a day instead of stayin at home or at work...cuz...id probably get in less trouble if i stay in school..right...the most trouble ive gotten myself into was in school,fuckers.
and im failing government.and that is my fault...but still. once again.dont give a shit.im still pissed about it.
and if i dont graduate,which is in question, zak n bryan dont get to come to italy. meaning, id have to reimburse them 800 bucks.
i only have 1300 in my account.
fuck.
no pressure.
and i might have detention for showing up late to a class that i shouldnt be takin anyway.
whcih would put my graduation more at risk.
im just so fucking sick of school..its like...a month till the end,but this month is seriously gettin rammed down my throat.im so sick of this bullshit.
again,im failing most of my classes. out of 5 classes..im failing 4. 3 of which i seriously imposed my parents into not making me take.because i dont need them.or wanted them. ANY of them.fuck french. fuck film studies. fuck info.fuck math. fuck geosystems. i dont need that bullshit. do they need any more reminders that im not a "model student" and really couldnt give a fuck? what part of "i hate this place,im not taking these fucking classes" do they not understand?
fucking prom is pissin the living shit out of me. if i knew it was gonna be this much of a fucking pain in the ass,i wouldve never agreed to this.
so apparently,i dont know if u guys kno this or not, but ive been told that chances are we're not gettin a room. and thats waht i was really lookin foward to. fuck the dance. fuck the tux. fuck the money and the limo. i just wanted to hang out with a bunch of my friends,and drink.
alot.
because,and i honestly dont give a fuck what anyone says, i didnt want my fuckng prom to be like this.
yea sure i might end up having the time of my life...but as of right now,the mere thought gives me a fucking anurysm. and an ulcer.
fucking high school drama is gettin on my last nerve. he likes me,she hates me,shes goin with someone else,hes insensitive...fuck you. who cares?
theres what....a month and a week till the end? so thats what...like...25 days...make that 20..that i need to be in school....who gives a fuck? none of u are gonna see each other next year,with any luck. fucking dump them,or get with them,or fuck them,or do whatever u need to do.
and i say this very bitter and hurtful comment,in response to my own goddman high school drama. im fuckin sick of it.ur a friend,come to me with ur problems,i got nothin else better for me anyway.
but let me tell ya. i have allowed myself to be caught up in some bullshit that nobody else would deal with.
and why do i deal with it? who the fuck knows.
who the fuck cares. i just do.
im so fucking pissed at everything and everyone. these fucking cigarettes suck. this water sucks. my fuckin phone sucks.i hate this song. i hate RIGHT NOW.
THIS is when i really had a chance to get away. just...POOF. whered spud go?
i feel like i have a fuckin ice pick jammed between my eyes. like...someone came up from behind me,and stuck this fucking thing right in the middle of my skull. i really need to go to fuckin bed,cuz,god forbid,i need to get to info systems on time tomorrow.
but i still have this fucking paper to write.
i dont even know why they put us up to this. i hate my community. i hate this fucking country.
right now,id give my left nut to just go to a bar,and crawl into a bottle and wake up in next week.
and then crawl into another one.
i just feel so shitty.
and this fucking journal bullshit "exercise" isnt helping worth of shit. if anything, my hands and eyes are gettin tired.
and i have this sickening rusty taste in my mouth. i think im bleeding,but i dont kno where.
ill tell you one thing...its not gonna be atomic bombs to end mankind. its not gonna be biological warfare. its not gonna be the 4 fuckin horsemen.
its gonna be women.
because as its true that women will lead to my demise,they will lead to everyone elses demise too.
i fucking hate this shit.
fuck you.