jesus sat next to me at the table during passover
so today was....interesting to say the least. woke up at kevins after a fuckin hard ass night.
i was expectin to find buffy and kristi..but alas,they had left like,5 min before i woke up. fuck.
well...5 min...an hour...whatever.
so yea,woke up sick as shit,still high kinda,and somewhere on the fine line between hung over,confused,and still kinda drunk.
wasnt too pleasent.
so me adam kevin andy and jenn were talkin about somethin...and then they left.
and i didnt know what the fuck was goin on.
so...i walked home.
hung over like...shit.
decided to get some breakfast at mcdonalds.too bad breakast ends at 11,and this was like...at 1 ish.so i got myself a spicy chiken sandwich.
bad move.
(apparently fahed saw me walkin home..thanks for the ride buddy.oh well.probably did me good...walkin off all those empty calories)
turns out i smoked like..my whole pack last night,so i had to get more.
so then i get home.after a 45 minute walk.
and my mom was like..bout time. fucker. coulda called.
and my dad was like..so...where have u been?
and then follow a simple string of lies,meaning,i just told them i slept over at my friends house.
they naturally assumed i had been drinking. the faint odor of vomit and beer probably gave me away.
and then my dad was like..so what were u smokin?
cigarettes..(and to an extent i wasnt lying. cuz....other than that night,i had only smoked cigarettes...)
blah.
so he kinda looks at me and goes...yea,so im gonna pick up a drug testin kit tomorrow....better be ready to piss,boy!!
so im kinda fucked. oh well. i mean,whats the worse that could happen?
i think ill just blame it on like.." i was sittin next to a guy smokin..so its second hand smoke,i swear!!"
but meh. from one stoner to a retired stoner..i doubt he'll buy it.
the weathers nice as shit. too bad for the fuckin bugs. im either really fuckin schyzo,or im gettin bug bites everywhere.
i think its a little bit of both.
so like..i was supposed to have a passover dinner wiht my jewish family and catholic mother (yea im sure ur gonna get a good laugh out of that bryan) but first me bryan and zak had to get together to exchange a whimsical string of insults.
oh and also,get plane tickets for them to come see me in italy.
me n bryan are kinda doubtin zak now..cuz...he didnt really call us back wiht a defnite answer.
or well.
more gnocchi for me bitches.
so after that,i got dropped off at my house (after i got myself the best pizza in the world..deep dish sausage....mmmmh....yea fuck passover) i got a call from an old friend of mine.
who then stopped by the house.
where i totally ignored the fact that i had dinner. oh well.
i did make an ass out of myself tho,cuz i climbed on the roof of the car and like...did my monkey thing,and then i put my bare asscheecks to the sunroof.
the driver wasnt too pleased. i thought it was pretty fuckin hillarious.
ANYWAY.
after that particularly interstin episode,i went inside,and made small talk with the family,and pretended to give a shit. well,i kinda did,but i was more preoccupied with the fact that i knew that at any moment,my dad wouldve reached across the table and hit me upside the head with like...his plate or something. in the end it didnt happen. surprisingly enough.
so yea. they figuered out i was hung over like shit. and they made fun of me for it.
and then i confessed to my mom that i might have taken a drag or too off of a blunt(horrendous minimalization). i mean,one way or another it was gonna come out,so might as well be upfront about it.
and then,i drove to sams,to enjoy some quality time with bryan rachel,and sam,who just got back from texas.
needless to say,bryans driving is partially rubbin off on me. and i say partially cuz i dont drive or shift (fucking stick) nearly as well as he does (yea its a matter of practice..btu still..in the meantime...he drives better than me),but i still drive like its my fuckin race circut,and i yell at everyone,and try to run over pedestrians (allright,maybe thats just me..but still...)
so when i got there..sam and rachel had been OBVIOUSLY smokin kilos of crack,cuz they were hyper like jackrabbits on speed.
and then i had to get into a debate about wether my brother says "mom" instead of bryan becuase he wants to or because he cant say "bryan" so he just says something else.
so turns out my brothers a retard with a speech impediment?yea.how bout that.
im still not sure who won that one. im puttin my money (all 73 cents left) on myself..cuz i was the only one who had the balls (or the sharpness) to come to the conclusion that my brothers a retard.im sorry. i meant mentally handicapped. WHATEVER.
we then watched..fuck...uuh...dodgeball. always a classic.
in the middle of it kristi popped out of nowhere.
and then rachel left,after drawin a happy face on my left and a sad face on my right hand (ironically..its my left that gets the action..how could she have known?)
then fahed and bryan showed up and we watched 20 min of "idle hands" which is the best movie ever.and of course,sam had to make it seem like it was such a scaaary fuckin movie,freakin kristi out when there was nothin really to freak out about.
fucking blondes,man.
(oh man i just pulled out one of the worst boogers ever...now i gotta find somwhere to stick it)
so after i yell at sam,me bryan and fahed leave and go get fat at wendys. meaning,bryan drives,fahed talkes about cars,and i eat.
cuz im fat.
ok maybe not,but fuck it.
(why do my fingers smell so bad?)
then bryan dropps me off,and i stay up for 2 and a half hours just rottin my brain away on tv. and now im here.
oh yea.
passovers a big jewish thing. so we're supposed to be like..dressed halfway decent.
i defnintely didnt shave or shower. but thats probably the least of my problems.
i get to the dinner table like..an hour and a half late.
im my shorts.
meaning my ass is hangin out.
and im wearin my "jesus is my homeboy" tshirt.
sitting around...a bunch of jews.
u could seriously cut the irony (and the tension) with a knife.
(oh i was scratchin my balls earlier...thats why they smell bad)
but hey.i aim to piss designated people off.
so i was talkin to rachel...and she told me that even kno she doesnt post,she still reads my livejournal.
how cool. i have fans.
but also,she commented that my writings are very...uuh...fucked up,basically.
so ive come to the conclusion that all this writing that im doing..and the thought process behind it, and everything else in between n shit..
its just me.
skullfucking myself into a straightjacket.
but hey.
what else have i got to do at 3.33 am?
so i was watchin harold and kumar some nights ago. and as fucked up as this sounds..i was thinkin about goin to medical school.
oh yea. it would be cool. save people..make some money...not a bad job.
bah humbug.
ive more realistically come up with the conclusion that no matter how much i want to be rich,and drive a viper (so what if i want it cuz its got a cool name,without actually knowing anything about it?) and get some poontang and all that other bullshit....ive realized that i dont really have a future.
cuz..honestly.
i just dont give enough of a shit.
(i need a cigarette to type better,hold on)
(man i gotta take a piss)
(why does my chest hurt all of a sudden?)
(ow. hittin it doesnt make it any better)
(great.now my arm hurts)
anyway.yea. i just dont think ill amount to anything.
and im ok with that.
i think ill just move to italy and become a fucking farmer.
well..italy...or amsterdam... =D
(fucking bugs!!)
most people dont know this,cuz no ones brave enough to get close enough to my dad,cuz hes a scary motherfucker.
and i dont blame u.
also,he reeks of vodka.
anyway.maybe uve noticed,maybe not,but around his (brown) eyes,theres a faint blue circle. like..around the brown part,theres this blue circle. get it?
now u might think "wow,holy shit,ive never seen shit like that! how cool! how...quaint!"
yea. turns out,its cholesterol build up.
whoopdeefreakindoo.
good news is,when i get to be 57, ill have lost hair and gained weight,but my eyes will be brown with blue circles around them.
if i live that long anyway.
and with that positive note,im out.
niggas give me a call. its not like im goin places.
e.s.
i was expectin to find buffy and kristi..but alas,they had left like,5 min before i woke up. fuck.
well...5 min...an hour...whatever.
so yea,woke up sick as shit,still high kinda,and somewhere on the fine line between hung over,confused,and still kinda drunk.
wasnt too pleasent.
so me adam kevin andy and jenn were talkin about somethin...and then they left.
and i didnt know what the fuck was goin on.
so...i walked home.
hung over like...shit.
decided to get some breakfast at mcdonalds.too bad breakast ends at 11,and this was like...at 1 ish.so i got myself a spicy chiken sandwich.
bad move.
(apparently fahed saw me walkin home..thanks for the ride buddy.oh well.probably did me good...walkin off all those empty calories)
turns out i smoked like..my whole pack last night,so i had to get more.
so then i get home.after a 45 minute walk.
and my mom was like..bout time. fucker. coulda called.
and my dad was like..so...where have u been?
and then follow a simple string of lies,meaning,i just told them i slept over at my friends house.
they naturally assumed i had been drinking. the faint odor of vomit and beer probably gave me away.
and then my dad was like..so what were u smokin?
cigarettes..(and to an extent i wasnt lying. cuz....other than that night,i had only smoked cigarettes...)
blah.
so he kinda looks at me and goes...yea,so im gonna pick up a drug testin kit tomorrow....better be ready to piss,boy!!
so im kinda fucked. oh well. i mean,whats the worse that could happen?
i think ill just blame it on like.." i was sittin next to a guy smokin..so its second hand smoke,i swear!!"
but meh. from one stoner to a retired stoner..i doubt he'll buy it.
the weathers nice as shit. too bad for the fuckin bugs. im either really fuckin schyzo,or im gettin bug bites everywhere.
i think its a little bit of both.
so like..i was supposed to have a passover dinner wiht my jewish family and catholic mother (yea im sure ur gonna get a good laugh out of that bryan) but first me bryan and zak had to get together to exchange a whimsical string of insults.
oh and also,get plane tickets for them to come see me in italy.
me n bryan are kinda doubtin zak now..cuz...he didnt really call us back wiht a defnite answer.
or well.
more gnocchi for me bitches.
so after that,i got dropped off at my house (after i got myself the best pizza in the world..deep dish sausage....mmmmh....yea fuck passover) i got a call from an old friend of mine.
who then stopped by the house.
where i totally ignored the fact that i had dinner. oh well.
i did make an ass out of myself tho,cuz i climbed on the roof of the car and like...did my monkey thing,and then i put my bare asscheecks to the sunroof.
the driver wasnt too pleased. i thought it was pretty fuckin hillarious.
ANYWAY.
after that particularly interstin episode,i went inside,and made small talk with the family,and pretended to give a shit. well,i kinda did,but i was more preoccupied with the fact that i knew that at any moment,my dad wouldve reached across the table and hit me upside the head with like...his plate or something. in the end it didnt happen. surprisingly enough.
so yea. they figuered out i was hung over like shit. and they made fun of me for it.
and then i confessed to my mom that i might have taken a drag or too off of a blunt(horrendous minimalization). i mean,one way or another it was gonna come out,so might as well be upfront about it.
and then,i drove to sams,to enjoy some quality time with bryan rachel,and sam,who just got back from texas.
needless to say,bryans driving is partially rubbin off on me. and i say partially cuz i dont drive or shift (fucking stick) nearly as well as he does (yea its a matter of practice..btu still..in the meantime...he drives better than me),but i still drive like its my fuckin race circut,and i yell at everyone,and try to run over pedestrians (allright,maybe thats just me..but still...)
so when i got there..sam and rachel had been OBVIOUSLY smokin kilos of crack,cuz they were hyper like jackrabbits on speed.
and then i had to get into a debate about wether my brother says "mom" instead of bryan becuase he wants to or because he cant say "bryan" so he just says something else.
so turns out my brothers a retard with a speech impediment?yea.how bout that.
im still not sure who won that one. im puttin my money (all 73 cents left) on myself..cuz i was the only one who had the balls (or the sharpness) to come to the conclusion that my brothers a retard.im sorry. i meant mentally handicapped. WHATEVER.
we then watched..fuck...uuh...dodgeball. always a classic.
in the middle of it kristi popped out of nowhere.
and then rachel left,after drawin a happy face on my left and a sad face on my right hand (ironically..its my left that gets the action..how could she have known?)
then fahed and bryan showed up and we watched 20 min of "idle hands" which is the best movie ever.and of course,sam had to make it seem like it was such a scaaary fuckin movie,freakin kristi out when there was nothin really to freak out about.
fucking blondes,man.
(oh man i just pulled out one of the worst boogers ever...now i gotta find somwhere to stick it)
so after i yell at sam,me bryan and fahed leave and go get fat at wendys. meaning,bryan drives,fahed talkes about cars,and i eat.
cuz im fat.
ok maybe not,but fuck it.
(why do my fingers smell so bad?)
then bryan dropps me off,and i stay up for 2 and a half hours just rottin my brain away on tv. and now im here.
oh yea.
passovers a big jewish thing. so we're supposed to be like..dressed halfway decent.
i defnintely didnt shave or shower. but thats probably the least of my problems.
i get to the dinner table like..an hour and a half late.
im my shorts.
meaning my ass is hangin out.
and im wearin my "jesus is my homeboy" tshirt.
sitting around...a bunch of jews.
u could seriously cut the irony (and the tension) with a knife.
(oh i was scratchin my balls earlier...thats why they smell bad)
but hey.i aim to piss designated people off.
so i was talkin to rachel...and she told me that even kno she doesnt post,she still reads my livejournal.
how cool. i have fans.
but also,she commented that my writings are very...uuh...fucked up,basically.
so ive come to the conclusion that all this writing that im doing..and the thought process behind it, and everything else in between n shit..
its just me.
skullfucking myself into a straightjacket.
but hey.
what else have i got to do at 3.33 am?
so i was watchin harold and kumar some nights ago. and as fucked up as this sounds..i was thinkin about goin to medical school.
oh yea. it would be cool. save people..make some money...not a bad job.
bah humbug.
ive more realistically come up with the conclusion that no matter how much i want to be rich,and drive a viper (so what if i want it cuz its got a cool name,without actually knowing anything about it?) and get some poontang and all that other bullshit....ive realized that i dont really have a future.
cuz..honestly.
i just dont give enough of a shit.
(i need a cigarette to type better,hold on)
(man i gotta take a piss)
(why does my chest hurt all of a sudden?)
(ow. hittin it doesnt make it any better)
(great.now my arm hurts)
anyway.yea. i just dont think ill amount to anything.
and im ok with that.
i think ill just move to italy and become a fucking farmer.
well..italy...or amsterdam... =D
(fucking bugs!!)
most people dont know this,cuz no ones brave enough to get close enough to my dad,cuz hes a scary motherfucker.
and i dont blame u.
also,he reeks of vodka.
anyway.maybe uve noticed,maybe not,but around his (brown) eyes,theres a faint blue circle. like..around the brown part,theres this blue circle. get it?
now u might think "wow,holy shit,ive never seen shit like that! how cool! how...quaint!"
yea. turns out,its cholesterol build up.
whoopdeefreakindoo.
good news is,when i get to be 57, ill have lost hair and gained weight,but my eyes will be brown with blue circles around them.
if i live that long anyway.
and with that positive note,im out.
niggas give me a call. its not like im goin places.
e.s.