When your heart is all alone, every second seems so long.....
She is gone..... my J.J. is gone again... We stood there and watched the plane fly away, she called this morning about 130 to tell me she made it home. I haven't talked to my baby in 3 days, it's driving me insane, but I am not sure what I am supposed to say. She is worried about money and I don't care about money, I will give her my money my paychecks, I don't care. I am not sure what to feel, she makes me feel like I am not good enough for her anymore, she is this amazing person who wants all these things and wants to do all this stuff, and I am just me. I think I am one of those people who well lets see how do I put this, some people are the go getters and the one's who have to have the world to be content, me I can just live off of someone elses happiness, ya know be content because you are alive and loved and the person you love is happy. That's what I want, I want her to be happy, and maybe that's not with me, as much as my heart says it is maybe hers says it's not, I don't know. I am so confused. I am going to do my taxes today, and I plan on sending her some money, but I want to keep some so I am not short here, plus if there's a chance I am not moving with her I have to at least see her... I miss her so much, She feels my thoughts all the time, anything I am doing there is always something that connects her to it or reminds me of her, as I read this as I am writing it I sound like an obsesses lunatic, but I am really not just in love and confused. I have never been in love like this, ya know? If we had fought or broke up when she left it might not be so hard, but we both cried like there was no tomorrow when she got in the truck and left, and me I cry all the time still, I don't know what to do. I pray about it, I gotten to where I just tell god.... " O.k, one way or the other, either put us back together and let us be happy or seperate us completely and help us move on.." I hate this limbo crud.. I love her more than anything in this world and I pray that she knows that....