07.03.06
It's strange to type the date (generally) once a day at least, 'cause then you realize how quickly the year is going. After all, every day is only 24 hours. And every one of my days seems so packed with things I hate, it really feels a grave waste. But I've felt okay today (except my mom pissed me off again 'cause she threw away leftovers I a)made myself, b)spent two hours making, c)was still eating as recently as yesterday, d)was planning on eating again until they were gone, when e)there were other containers to use, like f)the empty ones in the cupboard, or g)the one with two little slivers of four-week-old chicken we bought at Costco, which obviously, h)no one in our house slaved over, and furthermore, i)no one in our house had touched for the last week at least... and shouldn't 'cause g)it's old as shit! So, that's that! And I'm obviously trying to move on I'm just crazy about food 'cause I hate making it so when it's already made it's a good thing... so, my life isn't any longer a good thing, is what I'm clearly trying to say!
Otherwise, I'm trying to be relaxed and at peace 'cause Sunday was really really nice and I'm trying to dig my nails in and keep clawing/hanging on to that... 'cause it was a good thing! It was a great thing!
I finished my abstract this morning and it's an okay thing. I've been doing really poorly in this class so I feel discouraged anyway because good grades now might still translate into a bad grade. My performance in all my classes last week was pretty bad. OH, I'll admit it, I was way off last week worrying about my take-home. I got another 100%... Before you stop listening, World, I must defend myself. That week I was really suffering and my school work was too, so I assumed it would go in stride with all that. What I didn't realize is how easy a grader this man is. Though my previous 100% take-home was FAR better written, apparently this one was sufficient. I was just assuming that because the other one was perfect this one wouldn't be 'cause the work wasn't AS clear and AS well presented, etc. But apparently I still got all the points he expected, or enough that it was still 100% material. So! I wasn't being a total asshole, I just didn't know he was such a non-asshole...? I think that's it... I like him now. Even though his class is the most busy work I've had in a while... it's not totally busy work 'cause when I say that I frequently think of work that really has no good coming of it. I'm always learning and engaged, but it's totally time consuming and my other classes are suffering.
Ok, next week is spring break, I think I want to get waxing, a massage, my iPod fixed, and go somewhere for a night or two... I mean, if it weren't St. Pattie's Day, Megan's would feel more like a relaxing vacation... but let's be honest, fun or not, that will not be relaxing at all! But, if I'm getting waxing done, it's possible I'll use all my money stashed away, I mean shit, that shit's expensive! By which I mean, I'll spend half of it and I won't want to spend anything after that 'cause I like to keep a certain cushion around in case someone needs an abortion or something... Wow, I was sorta kidding but I just realized that if I loaned a friend who doesn't have that kind of money around for something like that, I'd never get it back... I would have just paid to kill a little person (sorta) and I'd never see the money again... guess which one I'm more concerned about! Who cares?!! DO IT! It's your CHOICE! HEAVEN FOR-FUCKING-BID!
So, um, more immediately, tonight I have to do two chapters of (that busywork) reading and a 20 pt. quiz which is actually only worth 1% of my final grade... but... I care, which I shouldn't. Tomorrow after class I have to write two journals which should take no more than one hour each, then I have to prepare a debate for my French class... yikes! It's only three minutes of talking in all for each participant, but it's still a little tense. I think that's it. Over break, in terms of homework, I have to read like 200 pages in my anthro. text book, study for that exam (which is really important since I've been C-ing that class so far), and write at least one of my two final papers for their April due dates. 'Cause I'll have enough everyday assignments to keep me busy throughout the last month of the semester ICAN'TBELIEVEI'MALMOSTDONEICAN'TEXPRESSHOWHAPPYIAM!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, feelin' excited that I've survived another semester! Joys and sorrows, here I come! (At church we share joys and sorrows during one part of the service and I don't give a shit if it sounds menial to others, I know how much it's important that I survive another semester, and how huge that is for me and my life. Just real quick, can you imagine me liking school ever again? Wouldn't it be lovely!?!!)
So, tons of homework to do over break, plus I have two umich library books that are due before the end of the month so I should get through those early versus not being able to use them sufficiently and my paper suffering for it.... Oh, why do I care? Why don't others, is the actual question I'm asking. Why don't my friends care if they do well in school? Why isn't anyone else stressed? And is there a little indicator (called a GPA) that indicates which method is workin' out better for whom? Maybe so... Just think how I'd do even better if I didn't have learning and emotional disabilities (YEAH I just called it an emotional disability! SO! It's my life, literally!).
K, I'm off to shower and have a wonderful day, but not manic...I hope... but yeah. It's gonna be a good day no matter the traffic, dumb or discourteous drivers, the zits, the gas, the noise pollution, the chill in the air (yes, I admit, totally normal this time of year, that doesn't make it acceptable to me), and whatever else... I will make it okay, but not manic. I WILL MAKE IT JUST OKAY!! I WILL BE OKAY! AND OKAY WILL BE PERFECT WITHOUT BEING MANIC! (which wouldn't be even close to perfect... it totally sucks to not be able to focus in class or accomplish things or... all sorts of things, and coming down sucks still way more).
Peace it out, y'all!
Otherwise, I'm trying to be relaxed and at peace 'cause Sunday was really really nice and I'm trying to dig my nails in and keep clawing/hanging on to that... 'cause it was a good thing! It was a great thing!
I finished my abstract this morning and it's an okay thing. I've been doing really poorly in this class so I feel discouraged anyway because good grades now might still translate into a bad grade. My performance in all my classes last week was pretty bad. OH, I'll admit it, I was way off last week worrying about my take-home. I got another 100%... Before you stop listening, World, I must defend myself. That week I was really suffering and my school work was too, so I assumed it would go in stride with all that. What I didn't realize is how easy a grader this man is. Though my previous 100% take-home was FAR better written, apparently this one was sufficient. I was just assuming that because the other one was perfect this one wouldn't be 'cause the work wasn't AS clear and AS well presented, etc. But apparently I still got all the points he expected, or enough that it was still 100% material. So! I wasn't being a total asshole, I just didn't know he was such a non-asshole...? I think that's it... I like him now. Even though his class is the most busy work I've had in a while... it's not totally busy work 'cause when I say that I frequently think of work that really has no good coming of it. I'm always learning and engaged, but it's totally time consuming and my other classes are suffering.
Ok, next week is spring break, I think I want to get waxing, a massage, my iPod fixed, and go somewhere for a night or two... I mean, if it weren't St. Pattie's Day, Megan's would feel more like a relaxing vacation... but let's be honest, fun or not, that will not be relaxing at all! But, if I'm getting waxing done, it's possible I'll use all my money stashed away, I mean shit, that shit's expensive! By which I mean, I'll spend half of it and I won't want to spend anything after that 'cause I like to keep a certain cushion around in case someone needs an abortion or something... Wow, I was sorta kidding but I just realized that if I loaned a friend who doesn't have that kind of money around for something like that, I'd never get it back... I would have just paid to kill a little person (sorta) and I'd never see the money again... guess which one I'm more concerned about! Who cares?!! DO IT! It's your CHOICE! HEAVEN FOR-FUCKING-BID!
So, um, more immediately, tonight I have to do two chapters of (that busywork) reading and a 20 pt. quiz which is actually only worth 1% of my final grade... but... I care, which I shouldn't. Tomorrow after class I have to write two journals which should take no more than one hour each, then I have to prepare a debate for my French class... yikes! It's only three minutes of talking in all for each participant, but it's still a little tense. I think that's it. Over break, in terms of homework, I have to read like 200 pages in my anthro. text book, study for that exam (which is really important since I've been C-ing that class so far), and write at least one of my two final papers for their April due dates. 'Cause I'll have enough everyday assignments to keep me busy throughout the last month of the semester ICAN'TBELIEVEI'MALMOSTDONEICAN'TEXPRESSHOWHAPPYIAM!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, feelin' excited that I've survived another semester! Joys and sorrows, here I come! (At church we share joys and sorrows during one part of the service and I don't give a shit if it sounds menial to others, I know how much it's important that I survive another semester, and how huge that is for me and my life. Just real quick, can you imagine me liking school ever again? Wouldn't it be lovely!?!!)
So, tons of homework to do over break, plus I have two umich library books that are due before the end of the month so I should get through those early versus not being able to use them sufficiently and my paper suffering for it.... Oh, why do I care? Why don't others, is the actual question I'm asking. Why don't my friends care if they do well in school? Why isn't anyone else stressed? And is there a little indicator (called a GPA) that indicates which method is workin' out better for whom? Maybe so... Just think how I'd do even better if I didn't have learning and emotional disabilities (YEAH I just called it an emotional disability! SO! It's my life, literally!).
K, I'm off to shower and have a wonderful day, but not manic...I hope... but yeah. It's gonna be a good day no matter the traffic, dumb or discourteous drivers, the zits, the gas, the noise pollution, the chill in the air (yes, I admit, totally normal this time of year, that doesn't make it acceptable to me), and whatever else... I will make it okay, but not manic. I WILL MAKE IT JUST OKAY!! I WILL BE OKAY! AND OKAY WILL BE PERFECT WITHOUT BEING MANIC! (which wouldn't be even close to perfect... it totally sucks to not be able to focus in class or accomplish things or... all sorts of things, and coming down sucks still way more).
Peace it out, y'all!