[musesandlyrics] 6.18 - New York, New York...
"If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!" ~Ace Ventura
“Spencer? Noah Spencer?”
Noah hardly heard the voice as he crossed the busy New York City intersection. His head was up as he watched the buildings and the sky, and his hands were in his pockets. He was in his own world.
“Hey, Noah!” The man calling him had been crossing the street from the other way, but turned to go after Noah. He had to grab his shoulder to get his attention. Noah jumped and turned to look as they both stepped onto the curb.
Noah blinked at the face before him and a slow smile spread on his face. “Daniel.” He reached to shake hands with the man, and Daniel shook back, setting his other hand to Noah's shoulder. Both were smiling.
“How the hell are ya?” Daniel asked.
“I'm...” Noah shrugged. “Good. I'm good. How are you?”
“Great, good, life's good. You living here?”
“No, just taking a few days,” Noah replied.
“I have to get back to work, but if you're going to be around later let's grab a pizza or something.”
“Sounds good, I can meet you.”
Daniel nodded and gave Noah the address. “Six?”
“Six,” Noah agreed.
“Okay. See ya later.”
***
Noah stood up when he saw Daniel walk in the pizzeria. “Sorry I'm late,” Daniel said as he approached.
“Don't worry about it.” They hugged, patting each other's backs in the manly way. “Been watching baseball,” Noah nodded to the TV.
Daniel settled into the chair across from Noah. “Careful, buddy, people here are pretty defensive of their Yankees. Don't go talking about...” He leaned in and whispered. “The C-u-b-s.”
Noah laughed. “I'll remember that.” He leaned back in his chair and looked at his old friend. “Goddamn, it's good to see you. How the hell have you been? What have you been doing?”
“Living here, doing my thing. How about you? I haven't heard....jack shit about you in years.”
“Something to drink, boys?” A young redhead waitress came to their table with a bright smile and low cut shirt.
Noah glanced up at her and gave a friendly smile. His eyes actually meeting hers. Daniel didn't mind looking her over quickly in the meantime. “Do you have lemonade?” Noah asked.
“Sure thing,” she beamed, before turning to Daniel. “And for you?”
“Guinness?”
“Sure thing!” She turned and bounced off.
Daniel gave Noah a look. “Lemonade? And you didn't even hit on her.”
“I don't drink anymore,” Noah shrugged. “And she...shit, she's younger than Jenny. I'm too old for that.”
“Whoa whoa...” Daniel was shaking his head, his hands up. “Okay...one thing at a time...you giving a shit about her being too young? Since when do you care? I thought you liked the young, tight twenty-two year olds.”
Noah smiled. “Sure, what guy doesn't? I just...” He shrugged. “I like a little more age in my women now. And brains.”
“Right...” Daniel nodded slowly. “And the drinking?”
“Rehab.”
“Oh. Gotcha. Good for you.” Daniel took a long sip of his beer when it was set before him. When the waitress left again Daniel caught sight of Noah's hand as he took a sip of his lemonade. “Hey. No ring. Don't tell me...”
“Divorced.”
“Thank God. Even you don't deserve to be married to a bitchy ho-bag.”
Noah laughed. “Yeah well...took me awhile to agree. What about you? Wife? Kids?”
“Neither,” Daniel shook his head. “I'm jaded on love and happily ever after, so I just fall for the wrong girl time and time again.”
“At least you realize it,” Noah chuckled.
“I find knowing who I am and accepting it is good karma...or some shit.”
“Mmm, karma.”
“How's karma treating you?”
Noah sighed and shrugged. “It's getting me. But...I was a miserable guy and now I'm dealing with the aftermath.”
“You still in Chicago?”
“No. After the split with Jo I really needed to...run,” Noah shrugged, saying exactly what it was. “So I ran off to New Jersey. Been there ever since.”
Daniel slapped the table and laughed. “Fuck. You run away to Jersey? Who does that?”
“Me, apparently.”
“And have you found your true happiness?” Daniel's tone was only slightly facetious.
Noah sighed deeply and shrugged. “Don't know what's true anymore. I found a few things that made me happy, but...I'm still working on it.”
“Was the halt on being a man-whore part of rehab?”
Noah shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He didn't exactly like talking about his thoughts on the subject. He still felt like a pansy for feeling how he did. “Somewhat. It with the realization that I can screw as many women I want..all I want...but it won't make me feel what I'd feel doing that with one single...certain woman.”
Daniel raised his brows. “A specific 'certain woman'?”
“Pretty specific, yeah, and even though it's not going to happen it's still the same concept. Maybe one day there will be one, and it'll be different.”
Daniel just stared at Noah for several beats. “Noah Spencer, you are a changed man.”
“Finally growing up makes me a changed man?”
“No. Realizing it was time to grow up has made you a changed man.”
“Well...you know what they say about hitting rock bottom...”
Daniel rubbed his jaw, watching Noah, then sighed. “I'm sorry we lost touch, bud. I'm sorry I wasn't around for you.”
Noah shrugged, looking down into his glass. “Losing touch happens. Especially when I spent many years being a drunk bastard. I didn't exactly call you either.”
“I'm still allowed to feel bad.”
“I feel bad, too.” Noah nodded and looked up at Daniel. Daniel kept the eye contact, both of them staying quiet.
“Have you two decided on what you want to eat?” Perky appeared at their sides again. Noah smirked at Daniel, and Daniel turned to her.
He rested his chin in his hand and smiled to the girl. “Laura, is it?”
Her head tilted and she pointed to her name tag. “Actually, it's Lara.”
“Oh. Of course, Lara. We'll have a large pizza with every meat you have - no fish or chicken - and mushrooms and black olives.”
“Extra cheese,” Noah put in.
“Extra cheese,” Daniel said.
“Got it!” Lara turned and skipped off.
Noah shook his head and looked at Daniel. “Just watching her wears me out.”
“That's because you're old.”
“And what does that make you?”
Daniel thought about that, then nodded. “The friend of an old man.”
***
Daniel wiped his mouth and set his napkin down, before glancing at the empty pizza platter with a full sigh. He drained the last of his beer. “Okay...Jo, work, rehab...what else? How's Jenny?”
Noah rolled his eyes and huffed slightly. “She's fine. She's...happy, actually,” he said grudgingly. “Really happy. She's got this boyfriend, and...he's actually not a bad guy. Which really hurts to say.”
“You'd want her to be with a bad guy?”
“No. If he was a bad guy I'd have reason to scare him off.”
“Ahh, and with no reason to scare him off, he stays.”
“He stays,” Noah nodded.
Daniel smirked. “And Lexie?” He cleared his throat slightly.
“She's good. Long over you.”
“Kinda figured that,” he nodded. “I think she'd just had a kid the last time I saw you.”
“She's got two now. A boy and a girl.”
“Good for her. That's good.”
“How are your parents?” Noah asked.
Daniel leaned back in his chair, wrapping his fingers around his new beer. “Dad died,” he said slowly. “Mom hasn't been well for a few years so she's in a home now. Did it herself.”
“Shit, I'm sorry.”
“Don't worry about it. We wanted her to stay with Jan, but she wouldn't.”
Noah nodded. “And how's Jan?”
“She's...Jan,” Daniel laughed. “She doesn't change.”
“It's nice to know some things don't.”
“Your folks?”
“Haven't changed,” Noah shook his head.
“What're you gonna do?” Daniel shrugged.
***
Noah was leaned against the table, his face in his hand. Daniel was leaned back with his arms crossed and several empty glasses in front of him. It had grown dark outside, and the younger crowd had started to come in the pizzeria.
“So you did the aid thing in Haiti, that's good,” Daniel nodded. He squared a look to Noah. “Why are you here?”
“My flight came into JFK.”
“Yeah, a week ago. Why are you still here?”
“Wasn't ready to go back, I guess,” Noah shrugged. His pushed his fingers back through his hair. “Everything where I was...and everything there...I needed a break between it all.”
“Has it helped any?”
“I guess so. I don't really know.”
“You used to be pretty certain of what you wanted. Knew it and took it,” Daniel said.
“None of it was what I really wanted. It was...all I thought I could get. I want a lot more now.”
“So take it.”
“It's not that easy.”
“How long have you been out of rehab?”
“Ten months.”
“I don't think it's supposed to be easy yet....” Daniel considered that, picking up his beer, and added, “If ever.”
“I know.”
“So break it down. Figure out the things you do want and start with the easiest. Go after that first.”
“Naming one the easiest if probably a matter of opinion.”
“Your opinion, your choice.”
“Fine. I want...” Noah closed his eyes, his fingers pulling at the hair on his chin. He thought carefully about it, and pictured it all in his head. “I want my friends.” He opened his eyes and looked up over Daniel's head, blinking back any emotion trying to come up. “Past few years I didn't have any real friends...” His head dipped down and he fiddled with his silverware. “Now I have a few that...stuck by me when they really shouldn't have. They put up with a lot of my shit. I can accept that- that I ruined one...friendship, but the others...” He shrugged. “I just...” He felt ridiculous saying it, and he waited several beats to try and swallow the words, but he knew he had to start it somewhere. He glanced up to Daniel. “I want to tell them I love them,” he said quietly.
Daniel nodded, watching Noah, and tapped the table. “There you go. Your first task.”
Noah groaned softly and leaned back again. “I feel like ever since I got sober...everything is one step. Taking one step at a time and never actually getting to the end.”
“There's gotta be an end sometime. Keep walking.”
Noah looked at Daniel. “I still think you're a complete idiot for giving up med school to become a shrink, but...you're not bad.” He sipped his lemonade. “For a shrink.”
Daniel smirked. “That's what I print on my business cards. Gets me lots of dates.”
“Does it? I thought you played the quiet, pathetic role to get your dates.”
“Oh I gave that up,” Daniel nodded. “I realized chicks like to talk, so I learned to be a listener...made a career out of it...it was all a game just to get me dates.”
“And you get lucky?” Noah grinned.
Daniel opened his mouth and paused, then shook his head. “Not as often as I'd like, no.”
“Want some pointers?”
“From you? No thanks.”
1860
“Spencer? Noah Spencer?”
Noah hardly heard the voice as he crossed the busy New York City intersection. His head was up as he watched the buildings and the sky, and his hands were in his pockets. He was in his own world.
“Hey, Noah!” The man calling him had been crossing the street from the other way, but turned to go after Noah. He had to grab his shoulder to get his attention. Noah jumped and turned to look as they both stepped onto the curb.
Noah blinked at the face before him and a slow smile spread on his face. “Daniel.” He reached to shake hands with the man, and Daniel shook back, setting his other hand to Noah's shoulder. Both were smiling.
“How the hell are ya?” Daniel asked.
“I'm...” Noah shrugged. “Good. I'm good. How are you?”
“Great, good, life's good. You living here?”
“No, just taking a few days,” Noah replied.
“I have to get back to work, but if you're going to be around later let's grab a pizza or something.”
“Sounds good, I can meet you.”
Daniel nodded and gave Noah the address. “Six?”
“Six,” Noah agreed.
“Okay. See ya later.”
***
Noah stood up when he saw Daniel walk in the pizzeria. “Sorry I'm late,” Daniel said as he approached.
“Don't worry about it.” They hugged, patting each other's backs in the manly way. “Been watching baseball,” Noah nodded to the TV.
Daniel settled into the chair across from Noah. “Careful, buddy, people here are pretty defensive of their Yankees. Don't go talking about...” He leaned in and whispered. “The C-u-b-s.”
Noah laughed. “I'll remember that.” He leaned back in his chair and looked at his old friend. “Goddamn, it's good to see you. How the hell have you been? What have you been doing?”
“Living here, doing my thing. How about you? I haven't heard....jack shit about you in years.”
“Something to drink, boys?” A young redhead waitress came to their table with a bright smile and low cut shirt.
Noah glanced up at her and gave a friendly smile. His eyes actually meeting hers. Daniel didn't mind looking her over quickly in the meantime. “Do you have lemonade?” Noah asked.
“Sure thing,” she beamed, before turning to Daniel. “And for you?”
“Guinness?”
“Sure thing!” She turned and bounced off.
Daniel gave Noah a look. “Lemonade? And you didn't even hit on her.”
“I don't drink anymore,” Noah shrugged. “And she...shit, she's younger than Jenny. I'm too old for that.”
“Whoa whoa...” Daniel was shaking his head, his hands up. “Okay...one thing at a time...you giving a shit about her being too young? Since when do you care? I thought you liked the young, tight twenty-two year olds.”
Noah smiled. “Sure, what guy doesn't? I just...” He shrugged. “I like a little more age in my women now. And brains.”
“Right...” Daniel nodded slowly. “And the drinking?”
“Rehab.”
“Oh. Gotcha. Good for you.” Daniel took a long sip of his beer when it was set before him. When the waitress left again Daniel caught sight of Noah's hand as he took a sip of his lemonade. “Hey. No ring. Don't tell me...”
“Divorced.”
“Thank God. Even you don't deserve to be married to a bitchy ho-bag.”
Noah laughed. “Yeah well...took me awhile to agree. What about you? Wife? Kids?”
“Neither,” Daniel shook his head. “I'm jaded on love and happily ever after, so I just fall for the wrong girl time and time again.”
“At least you realize it,” Noah chuckled.
“I find knowing who I am and accepting it is good karma...or some shit.”
“Mmm, karma.”
“How's karma treating you?”
Noah sighed and shrugged. “It's getting me. But...I was a miserable guy and now I'm dealing with the aftermath.”
“You still in Chicago?”
“No. After the split with Jo I really needed to...run,” Noah shrugged, saying exactly what it was. “So I ran off to New Jersey. Been there ever since.”
Daniel slapped the table and laughed. “Fuck. You run away to Jersey? Who does that?”
“Me, apparently.”
“And have you found your true happiness?” Daniel's tone was only slightly facetious.
Noah sighed deeply and shrugged. “Don't know what's true anymore. I found a few things that made me happy, but...I'm still working on it.”
“Was the halt on being a man-whore part of rehab?”
Noah shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He didn't exactly like talking about his thoughts on the subject. He still felt like a pansy for feeling how he did. “Somewhat. It with the realization that I can screw as many women I want..all I want...but it won't make me feel what I'd feel doing that with one single...certain woman.”
Daniel raised his brows. “A specific 'certain woman'?”
“Pretty specific, yeah, and even though it's not going to happen it's still the same concept. Maybe one day there will be one, and it'll be different.”
Daniel just stared at Noah for several beats. “Noah Spencer, you are a changed man.”
“Finally growing up makes me a changed man?”
“No. Realizing it was time to grow up has made you a changed man.”
“Well...you know what they say about hitting rock bottom...”
Daniel rubbed his jaw, watching Noah, then sighed. “I'm sorry we lost touch, bud. I'm sorry I wasn't around for you.”
Noah shrugged, looking down into his glass. “Losing touch happens. Especially when I spent many years being a drunk bastard. I didn't exactly call you either.”
“I'm still allowed to feel bad.”
“I feel bad, too.” Noah nodded and looked up at Daniel. Daniel kept the eye contact, both of them staying quiet.
“Have you two decided on what you want to eat?” Perky appeared at their sides again. Noah smirked at Daniel, and Daniel turned to her.
He rested his chin in his hand and smiled to the girl. “Laura, is it?”
Her head tilted and she pointed to her name tag. “Actually, it's Lara.”
“Oh. Of course, Lara. We'll have a large pizza with every meat you have - no fish or chicken - and mushrooms and black olives.”
“Extra cheese,” Noah put in.
“Extra cheese,” Daniel said.
“Got it!” Lara turned and skipped off.
Noah shook his head and looked at Daniel. “Just watching her wears me out.”
“That's because you're old.”
“And what does that make you?”
Daniel thought about that, then nodded. “The friend of an old man.”
***
Daniel wiped his mouth and set his napkin down, before glancing at the empty pizza platter with a full sigh. He drained the last of his beer. “Okay...Jo, work, rehab...what else? How's Jenny?”
Noah rolled his eyes and huffed slightly. “She's fine. She's...happy, actually,” he said grudgingly. “Really happy. She's got this boyfriend, and...he's actually not a bad guy. Which really hurts to say.”
“You'd want her to be with a bad guy?”
“No. If he was a bad guy I'd have reason to scare him off.”
“Ahh, and with no reason to scare him off, he stays.”
“He stays,” Noah nodded.
Daniel smirked. “And Lexie?” He cleared his throat slightly.
“She's good. Long over you.”
“Kinda figured that,” he nodded. “I think she'd just had a kid the last time I saw you.”
“She's got two now. A boy and a girl.”
“Good for her. That's good.”
“How are your parents?” Noah asked.
Daniel leaned back in his chair, wrapping his fingers around his new beer. “Dad died,” he said slowly. “Mom hasn't been well for a few years so she's in a home now. Did it herself.”
“Shit, I'm sorry.”
“Don't worry about it. We wanted her to stay with Jan, but she wouldn't.”
Noah nodded. “And how's Jan?”
“She's...Jan,” Daniel laughed. “She doesn't change.”
“It's nice to know some things don't.”
“Your folks?”
“Haven't changed,” Noah shook his head.
“What're you gonna do?” Daniel shrugged.
***
Noah was leaned against the table, his face in his hand. Daniel was leaned back with his arms crossed and several empty glasses in front of him. It had grown dark outside, and the younger crowd had started to come in the pizzeria.
“So you did the aid thing in Haiti, that's good,” Daniel nodded. He squared a look to Noah. “Why are you here?”
“My flight came into JFK.”
“Yeah, a week ago. Why are you still here?”
“Wasn't ready to go back, I guess,” Noah shrugged. His pushed his fingers back through his hair. “Everything where I was...and everything there...I needed a break between it all.”
“Has it helped any?”
“I guess so. I don't really know.”
“You used to be pretty certain of what you wanted. Knew it and took it,” Daniel said.
“None of it was what I really wanted. It was...all I thought I could get. I want a lot more now.”
“So take it.”
“It's not that easy.”
“How long have you been out of rehab?”
“Ten months.”
“I don't think it's supposed to be easy yet....” Daniel considered that, picking up his beer, and added, “If ever.”
“I know.”
“So break it down. Figure out the things you do want and start with the easiest. Go after that first.”
“Naming one the easiest if probably a matter of opinion.”
“Your opinion, your choice.”
“Fine. I want...” Noah closed his eyes, his fingers pulling at the hair on his chin. He thought carefully about it, and pictured it all in his head. “I want my friends.” He opened his eyes and looked up over Daniel's head, blinking back any emotion trying to come up. “Past few years I didn't have any real friends...” His head dipped down and he fiddled with his silverware. “Now I have a few that...stuck by me when they really shouldn't have. They put up with a lot of my shit. I can accept that- that I ruined one...friendship, but the others...” He shrugged. “I just...” He felt ridiculous saying it, and he waited several beats to try and swallow the words, but he knew he had to start it somewhere. He glanced up to Daniel. “I want to tell them I love them,” he said quietly.
Daniel nodded, watching Noah, and tapped the table. “There you go. Your first task.”
Noah groaned softly and leaned back again. “I feel like ever since I got sober...everything is one step. Taking one step at a time and never actually getting to the end.”
“There's gotta be an end sometime. Keep walking.”
Noah looked at Daniel. “I still think you're a complete idiot for giving up med school to become a shrink, but...you're not bad.” He sipped his lemonade. “For a shrink.”
Daniel smirked. “That's what I print on my business cards. Gets me lots of dates.”
“Does it? I thought you played the quiet, pathetic role to get your dates.”
“Oh I gave that up,” Daniel nodded. “I realized chicks like to talk, so I learned to be a listener...made a career out of it...it was all a game just to get me dates.”
“And you get lucky?” Noah grinned.
Daniel opened his mouth and paused, then shook his head. “Not as often as I'd like, no.”
“Want some pointers?”
“From you? No thanks.”
1860