Effort is a Hollywood Lie
Two weeks ago, I turned in a paper for my Late Shakespeare course in which I had to compare King Lear and Macbeth as protagonists within four (or so) pages. I didn't read these plays (Sparknotes), used the largest possible font (courier new), and wrote the paper as late as possible (the morning it was due).
What you must know is that my professor is a self-proclaimed "grammar nazi." We spend the start of each class period going over basic grammar errors, such as how the word "forte" is actually pronounced "fort" and not "for-tay." She reminds us constantly that this is all stuff we should know from Elementary School; I still have problems identifying comma splices and misplaced modifyers and all that. Anyway, my professor, Dr. Diecidue, has stressed that form and content are connected and should not be graded on separate grounds. "If you can't express what you mean properly, I can't understand what you're trying to say." After having done countless critiques of stories for my creative writing courses, I can attest that this is unequivocally true. Proper grammar doesn't exist for the sake of tedium, but clarity.
Anyway, before she gave our papers back, our professor told us that it had been something like twenty years since she had given out an F on a paper. She said she would often give out D's just for the sake of the writer's effort, but the papers she received last week were apparently so bad that 5 of them earned Fs. Just so you can understand, let me ask you: have you ever or know anyone who has ever received an F on a take-home essay test? It never fucking happens except now that it had I became worried.
As she wrote the grade break-down of the class on the board (1 A, 3 Bs, and so on), she advised those of us that did poorly to seriously consider choosing another major or, at the least, dropping the course. Oh fuck, I thought, this is my last semester and I need this class to graduate. I could sense some of the people in the class becoming really upset.
So you wanna know what I got? A fucking B. There was only one A, and two other Bs. The professor made us all raise our hands and have everybody look at us so that they'll know who to ask when in need of writing advice. What am I supposed to say? "Hey, don't even read the plays and write it the mornin its due. Use lots of quotes and make the font fucking huge." The professor even talked about how after having taught for 40 years she can easily spot when somebody is BS'ing her. Are you fucking kidding me? How goddamned bad does a paper have to be to get an F where my lazy ass gets one of the higest grades in the class? I would honestly love to know.
It's a damn good feeling to know that, even at your worst, you're better than just about everyone else.