Bob Saget is a dramatic actor
Now I fucking remember: Vicky and Danny break off their engagement because she went to take the anchor job in New York, but only after she had been working in Chicago as a reporter and maintained a long-distance relationship. I am, of course, referring to Vicky Larson and Danny Tanner, characters on the popular ABC sitcom Full House. I was always confused by that: didn't she take a job far-away and come back to see him? So when did it end? The episode in question just aired--fuck, it was sad. Danny just stands there in front of her and says that he'll give up his dreams so that she may have hers. Isn't that fucking heartwrenching? Then she says "I love you, Danny!" and he goes "Well, I guess that isn't enough, is it?" How come movies so infrequently tug at my heart strings the way cheesy sitcoms do? This, by the way, is from the same program that brought us Jessie and the Rippers, Hot-Daddy and the Monkey Puppets, and Mr. Woodchuck. It's practically a half-hour of bad Popeye/Bullwinkle impersonations draped over the image of a pre-waif Olsen twin regurgitating buzz words that she, at the time, likely didn't know the meaning of. But seriously, that shit makes me sad?
I'm not saying I got all teary-eyed or anything. I'm still man. But, and I was talking about this last night with my pal Austin, I never really cry at movies but every once in a while I can come close with really bad TV. I'm talking real bad. Like Maury Povich. Ever see those old guys who think they might be the father of some fucked up 20 year old who's never met her real dad? And they hope so bad that it's them, and you start to forget about whatever prejudices you had against them just for being on the fucking Maury show; you just want things to turn out okay for them. Real-life reunions do that to me, always. Back when daytime talk was huge in the 90s, I used to eat that shit up on sick days where I had nothing to do but to watch Sally Jesse, followed by Jenny Jones, followed by Ricky Lake, etc.
But a movie? I don't know what it is, but I usually don't care as much. It can still effect me, but not in the same way as when I see a real person in that spot, or, some wacky comedic character that I have more of an attachment to. I've probably come closer to tears watching episodes of The Office than some shitty movie like Garden State. Movies try so hard to create these characters with layers and layers of flaws and quirks and so on and so I think we become lost in those traits and we forget that they're supposed to be just people, not characters. Talk show guests aren't characters. They're just sad people with a story. Similarly, somebody like Danny Tanner is purposefully flat, so, I guess, when I see his humanity it is more of an emotional experience.