tiv][i just want you to know who i am
{Set in supermantonight. Sophie is wereall_addicts and Bela is blckmagc_woman. Set a couple years before gameplay, where the lines of SPN canon and Leverage canon are blurred to fit our needs. There was no ordeal with Moreau here.}
"You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now." ~Goo Goo Dolls
It had been almost a year since the entire ordeal with the boat and Nate getting arrested. At first he thought he was trying to get better, but really he was just trying to get Sophie to think he was. It took longer than that.
He didn't stop drinking. He could, but he didn't want to.. Maybe he didn't need to be drunk all the time, but he couldn't always be sober. There was almost something manic about him when he was sober, he realized this, and sometimes he just needed one drink to put it all at ease. He saw the way everyone still looked at him, but in his opinion it was better. In his opinion he was better.
When he did have to drink he did it in private. Maybe the fact that he was actually ashamed of still needing that burn was a step in itself. He didn't deny it or lie, he just didn't publicize it. And Sophie knew. He had tried to explain it to her once, but she hadn't wanted to hear it. He wanted her to understand though. He wanted her to see that having the occasional drink actually kept him more together than being completely dry did. Mostly, he wanted her to see that he might still be drinking, but it wasn't like it had been. Because if she didn't get that, he'd never have her respect again, and he wanted that back more than what they almost had.
Drink aside, he was back on his game. Not too cocky, not too reckless, it was like the old days. They were pulling good jobs for people who really needed it. No ulterior motives on anyone's part and no unneeded risks. It was just the team doing what they did. And it felt like they were finally at the point where the others were respecting Nate again, like they trusted him again. Maybe they didn't and maybe they never had, but it felt like it, and that was what mattered to Nate. He felt almost like a good man again, and he hadn't felt that in a very long time.
Things were good. They could have been better in his opinion, but he was starting to realize that would always be the case. Despite his actions, bad things were going to happen, and he couldn't do anything to change it. Now he cared. Now he tried to make better things happen elsewhere, and now he wouldn't let it drown him anymore. He had already been at he bottom a couple times, and he didn't want to be there again. He wouldn't let himself fall there. It had nothing to do with shame, or wanting to prove to Sophie that he was worth something, it was all him. He was just plain tired of being miserable.
But that didn't stop him from hoping that one day, just maybe, Sophie would look at him the way she used to. That maybe she would need him the way he had needed her for so long. That need had been unhealthy, and unfair to her, but Nate could take it from Sophie. He could handle being needed, and being the one to do the catching for once. He didn't know if she ever would need it, but he knew he would be there. He knew he had to stay on his best game so that he could be there if she ever needed to fall. He loved her. He still hadn't brought the words to her, but he had accepted it finally for himself, and he let that fact support him. Loving her, and being okay with doing it without reciprocation or her loving him back, it made the days a lot easier and more pleasant to get through. And if he had to wait forever for something that would never be, then he would. She was there again as his friend and he needed that so much. He could live with having only that, as long as he could actually have it.
He had Sophie, and the team, and the work they did. He wasn't perfect and he never would be. He still got painfully depressed at times, but he found better ways to work through it. He didn't forget anymore that he had his family. He was version six of Nathan Ford, and it was finally a version that he was okay with.
Life had become pretty routine. They worked, they planned, and they all had time to themselves. Sometimes Nate would be at the loft all on his own, and it didn't bother him. Everyone else would be all over the country doing whatever they needed for themselves, and he knew that sooner or later everyone would come home, and it would be okay.
He liked working on his contacts and searching for potential clients when he was home alone, and this day was no different. He was on the couch with files all over the place, and the TV was up for any video-call that might come in.
The doorbell rang and Nate looked over at it with a slight frown. The doorbell ringing could never be a good thing. It would either be someone Nate didn't want to see or someone who needed something, and that would just require calling the team home. He sighed and got to his feet, then went to the door and pulled it open. No one was there.
He looked down and saw a box sitting on the floor. At first glance it had nothing on it. He glanced around he didn't see a delivery person, so he picked the box up and stepped back inside. He pushed the door shut and took the box to the counter where he got a better look at it. Sophie's name was written over the top, but that was all. No address or return address. He frowned and pushed it aside, picking up his phone to call Sophie and leave her a message.
"Hey it's me. When you do get to town come by, something came for you."
He hung up and glanced at the box. He was intrigued, but he would never breech Sophie's privacy, so he left it alone. But had he opened it he would have found a wooden statue that looked a couple of centuries old, something crossed between a man and a bird. Underneath it somewhere was a key, a key to a storage unit. He wouldn't have known the first thing about any of it, but Sophie would. Sophie would likely know exactly what it was.
Because a month before a young woman named Bela Talbot had carefully boxed it all together. She had been at the end of her rope as she placed the figure in the box, dropped in the key, and taped it up. There actually had been a note, but Bela decided not to include it at the last minute. She hadn't wanted to bother Sophie with leaving any link between them. They had always kept things that way to keep them both safe, but then Sophie didn't know half of the things that haunted Bela. Bela didn't want her to know. She didn't want anything from her life to bleed into Sophie's, because the woman was the closest thing to a friend that Bela knew, and Bela wanted to protect her the only way she could.
She knew Sophie would know it was from her. It was something they had both been after the last time they saw each other, but Bela had won. Bela had used it as she needed it, and it was no longer any good to anyone. At least in terms of the supernatural. Now it was just a very old statue that two women had once wanted at the same time, when Sophie had given a light shrug and smile as she brushed off her loss. She hadn't wanted it as bad as Bela apparently had, and Bela wasn't the worst person to lose it to.
It was nothing, but Bela wanted Sophie to have it. And she wanted it to tell Sophie goodbye for her, because she didn't want to do it herself. And the key? Well, Bela knew that Sophie was great. Maybe she'd find Bela's locked closet of prizes one day, and when she did she would have a key. Bela wouldn't leave them to anyone else.
So to Nate it would be nothing more than a strange piece of wood, but it was so much more. It was a bond, and it was a goodbye, and it was now Sophie's. And when she realized just what it was, he would be there for her, even though he didn't know yet that he would need to be.
1467
"You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now." ~Goo Goo Dolls
It had been almost a year since the entire ordeal with the boat and Nate getting arrested. At first he thought he was trying to get better, but really he was just trying to get Sophie to think he was. It took longer than that.
He didn't stop drinking. He could, but he didn't want to.. Maybe he didn't need to be drunk all the time, but he couldn't always be sober. There was almost something manic about him when he was sober, he realized this, and sometimes he just needed one drink to put it all at ease. He saw the way everyone still looked at him, but in his opinion it was better. In his opinion he was better.
When he did have to drink he did it in private. Maybe the fact that he was actually ashamed of still needing that burn was a step in itself. He didn't deny it or lie, he just didn't publicize it. And Sophie knew. He had tried to explain it to her once, but she hadn't wanted to hear it. He wanted her to understand though. He wanted her to see that having the occasional drink actually kept him more together than being completely dry did. Mostly, he wanted her to see that he might still be drinking, but it wasn't like it had been. Because if she didn't get that, he'd never have her respect again, and he wanted that back more than what they almost had.
Drink aside, he was back on his game. Not too cocky, not too reckless, it was like the old days. They were pulling good jobs for people who really needed it. No ulterior motives on anyone's part and no unneeded risks. It was just the team doing what they did. And it felt like they were finally at the point where the others were respecting Nate again, like they trusted him again. Maybe they didn't and maybe they never had, but it felt like it, and that was what mattered to Nate. He felt almost like a good man again, and he hadn't felt that in a very long time.
Things were good. They could have been better in his opinion, but he was starting to realize that would always be the case. Despite his actions, bad things were going to happen, and he couldn't do anything to change it. Now he cared. Now he tried to make better things happen elsewhere, and now he wouldn't let it drown him anymore. He had already been at he bottom a couple times, and he didn't want to be there again. He wouldn't let himself fall there. It had nothing to do with shame, or wanting to prove to Sophie that he was worth something, it was all him. He was just plain tired of being miserable.
But that didn't stop him from hoping that one day, just maybe, Sophie would look at him the way she used to. That maybe she would need him the way he had needed her for so long. That need had been unhealthy, and unfair to her, but Nate could take it from Sophie. He could handle being needed, and being the one to do the catching for once. He didn't know if she ever would need it, but he knew he would be there. He knew he had to stay on his best game so that he could be there if she ever needed to fall. He loved her. He still hadn't brought the words to her, but he had accepted it finally for himself, and he let that fact support him. Loving her, and being okay with doing it without reciprocation or her loving him back, it made the days a lot easier and more pleasant to get through. And if he had to wait forever for something that would never be, then he would. She was there again as his friend and he needed that so much. He could live with having only that, as long as he could actually have it.
He had Sophie, and the team, and the work they did. He wasn't perfect and he never would be. He still got painfully depressed at times, but he found better ways to work through it. He didn't forget anymore that he had his family. He was version six of Nathan Ford, and it was finally a version that he was okay with.
Life had become pretty routine. They worked, they planned, and they all had time to themselves. Sometimes Nate would be at the loft all on his own, and it didn't bother him. Everyone else would be all over the country doing whatever they needed for themselves, and he knew that sooner or later everyone would come home, and it would be okay.
He liked working on his contacts and searching for potential clients when he was home alone, and this day was no different. He was on the couch with files all over the place, and the TV was up for any video-call that might come in.
The doorbell rang and Nate looked over at it with a slight frown. The doorbell ringing could never be a good thing. It would either be someone Nate didn't want to see or someone who needed something, and that would just require calling the team home. He sighed and got to his feet, then went to the door and pulled it open. No one was there.
He looked down and saw a box sitting on the floor. At first glance it had nothing on it. He glanced around he didn't see a delivery person, so he picked the box up and stepped back inside. He pushed the door shut and took the box to the counter where he got a better look at it. Sophie's name was written over the top, but that was all. No address or return address. He frowned and pushed it aside, picking up his phone to call Sophie and leave her a message.
"Hey it's me. When you do get to town come by, something came for you."
He hung up and glanced at the box. He was intrigued, but he would never breech Sophie's privacy, so he left it alone. But had he opened it he would have found a wooden statue that looked a couple of centuries old, something crossed between a man and a bird. Underneath it somewhere was a key, a key to a storage unit. He wouldn't have known the first thing about any of it, but Sophie would. Sophie would likely know exactly what it was.
Because a month before a young woman named Bela Talbot had carefully boxed it all together. She had been at the end of her rope as she placed the figure in the box, dropped in the key, and taped it up. There actually had been a note, but Bela decided not to include it at the last minute. She hadn't wanted to bother Sophie with leaving any link between them. They had always kept things that way to keep them both safe, but then Sophie didn't know half of the things that haunted Bela. Bela didn't want her to know. She didn't want anything from her life to bleed into Sophie's, because the woman was the closest thing to a friend that Bela knew, and Bela wanted to protect her the only way she could.
She knew Sophie would know it was from her. It was something they had both been after the last time they saw each other, but Bela had won. Bela had used it as she needed it, and it was no longer any good to anyone. At least in terms of the supernatural. Now it was just a very old statue that two women had once wanted at the same time, when Sophie had given a light shrug and smile as she brushed off her loss. She hadn't wanted it as bad as Bela apparently had, and Bela wasn't the worst person to lose it to.
It was nothing, but Bela wanted Sophie to have it. And she wanted it to tell Sophie goodbye for her, because she didn't want to do it herself. And the key? Well, Bela knew that Sophie was great. Maybe she'd find Bela's locked closet of prizes one day, and when she did she would have a key. Bela wouldn't leave them to anyone else.
So to Nate it would be nothing more than a strange piece of wood, but it was so much more. It was a bond, and it was a goodbye, and it was now Sophie's. And when she realized just what it was, he would be there for her, even though he didn't know yet that he would need to be.
1467