(no subject)
this summer will not be over soon enough and it just started. i'm going to end up killing myself before august (not really). but i feel so overwhelmed. all i do is work and come home and spend the rest of my time before bed alone. its like i have no friends anymore or they just don't have time for me. (i'm not talking about all of you, or most of you really, it's just how i feel). spending so much time alone is really getting to me. i feel depressed most of the time when i'm not working and the only reason why i'm not at work is because i'm around people who are in one way or another my friends.
i used to be sad that this was going to be my last summer in Sterling Heights, but with the way it's going so far i wish i never would have come home. it doesn't really seem worth it. in fact i might move to k-zoo half way though the summer since Angie's room is empty and kelly said she would share a room with me once angie comes back if i wanted to go early. i had some many hopes for this summer, but it seems like nothing ever works out. i don't even really want to go camping anymore, not because i don't want to get out of my house, but because i feel like i'm going to spend that weekend hanging out with people and once the weekend is over i'm not going to see some of them till i turn 21. of course i'm not really being fair to some people, and i understand that things change, i just don't understand why people have to lie in order to avoid facing the fact that things have changed.
and guys aren't exactly helping my sistuation, but they are the least of my worries. but still, i find myself thinking about him when i know i shouldn't be. i gave him a choice and i guess he made it, and i may not understand exactly what happened, but i'll have to accept it, as hard as it is. i don't know how eaxactly i let myself get this involved in all of this mess that has come about over the years, or why i keep going back to it, i just know its hard to get away from. even when i'm not with him or even on speaking terms with him i still manage to think about him, and i don't really understand why. i'm not in love with him, i nevcr was. i can only assume that it had to do with what our relationship was like. and a part of me thinks that i'm just sad that he's no longer an option. i have a hard time letting go of things and i didn't want to let go of him. its amazing though cause most of the time i was speaking to him he made me upset in one way or another.
why does life have to be so stressful and complicated? i miss the summers when i used to have "ice skating" competitions and play barbies all day, or even the summers in high school when i used to go rollerblading at metro and go crusing gratiot. those were the some of the best times i ever had, with no worries, just having fun with my girls, who i miss more than anything. but oh well, you can't go back and in the spirit of moving forward, i can't wait to be out of this city forever.
i used to be sad that this was going to be my last summer in Sterling Heights, but with the way it's going so far i wish i never would have come home. it doesn't really seem worth it. in fact i might move to k-zoo half way though the summer since Angie's room is empty and kelly said she would share a room with me once angie comes back if i wanted to go early. i had some many hopes for this summer, but it seems like nothing ever works out. i don't even really want to go camping anymore, not because i don't want to get out of my house, but because i feel like i'm going to spend that weekend hanging out with people and once the weekend is over i'm not going to see some of them till i turn 21. of course i'm not really being fair to some people, and i understand that things change, i just don't understand why people have to lie in order to avoid facing the fact that things have changed.
and guys aren't exactly helping my sistuation, but they are the least of my worries. but still, i find myself thinking about him when i know i shouldn't be. i gave him a choice and i guess he made it, and i may not understand exactly what happened, but i'll have to accept it, as hard as it is. i don't know how eaxactly i let myself get this involved in all of this mess that has come about over the years, or why i keep going back to it, i just know its hard to get away from. even when i'm not with him or even on speaking terms with him i still manage to think about him, and i don't really understand why. i'm not in love with him, i nevcr was. i can only assume that it had to do with what our relationship was like. and a part of me thinks that i'm just sad that he's no longer an option. i have a hard time letting go of things and i didn't want to let go of him. its amazing though cause most of the time i was speaking to him he made me upset in one way or another.
why does life have to be so stressful and complicated? i miss the summers when i used to have "ice skating" competitions and play barbies all day, or even the summers in high school when i used to go rollerblading at metro and go crusing gratiot. those were the some of the best times i ever had, with no worries, just having fun with my girls, who i miss more than anything. but oh well, you can't go back and in the spirit of moving forward, i can't wait to be out of this city forever.