So much to say but it won't come out...

[sexycancer37]

Yeah...I've been feeling really depressed lately, but I'm trying my best to cover it up with anger instead. So, now I'm not only depressed, I'm a bitch. Yeah, great combination, isn't it? Hmm...I really want to just go home and go for a walk. I feel like writing but nothing makes sense once it's out on paper. But it makes sense in my head so much...It's the weirdest feeling ever. I just want to let it all out, but it just won't budge. It's killing me inside, and I don't even know what half of the problem is. I'm really stressed out. Last night I almost started crying because I had so much homework to do, but Bill helped me through it. Thank you babe!! But yeah, I just can't wait until this week is over...I want to just be able to relax. I still have to work next week, but hopefully I can get Thursday and Friday off to just relax. I just want to be with Bill and do something to get my mind off of things. He's the only thing I can think about without getting upset and having flashbacks or anything like that. When I'm with him I act just as I do with my family...And that's saying a lot. At school I act like somebody completely different. At home, I'm myself, and it's actually very scary if you only know the me at school. I'm a bitch at home. I'm major depressed at home. I cut at home. I yell and scream at home and it's not pretty. At school I hold it all in, I pretend to be nice to everybody, and I'm somewhat quiet and keep to myself. That isn't me at all. Bill knows that. My family knows that. I know that. But to everybody else they think they know me when they know the opposite of me. But oh well...I'm really hungry and lunch is in 7 minutes. I don't have a lunch today, which sucks so much cause I'm starving and I was trying to save up my money, but I guess I'm going to have to use it on food because I will pass out if I don't eat. Seriously. And I get paid today too, so that will help me out a lot. I think I have to get myself a new phone because I lost mine in a pile of snow I believe, unless it's been in my house the whole time or something, but it's definitely gone...Ugh I really want my phone back. Oh well...I'll find it eventually and/or buy myself a new one. Well we have like 3 more minutes now and I'm just going to get ready to go to lunch. Sooooo hungry! Make this week go by SUPER fast, will you??? I want it to be vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3
-Becka