(no subject)
Wow, so it has been a long time since I last wrote something. I gotta get back to writing only for Corinda's sake for she must know what goes on in my head at all times. Isnt that right C? ;-)
Anyways, Where to begin....
I finally got a job at good ol' Sport Chek. Totally awesome place except for two things, I am totally crushing my manager (only problem: She's straight) and the fact that i'm on commission which totally sucks because its impossible to make quota. Which really sucks because if I am to move out soon, there is no way $5.90/hr can support me, my car, my phone, and most importantly my place. Aside from that, its awesome, I work with some pretty awesome people.
On another note, my brother is in rehab. Hooked on crack. What a winner. He's in this program called AARC. What does it stand for? I have no clue, and quite frankly, I dont really care. I dont like the program. AT ALL! Why? Because its a whole family thing. Meaning I have to go (as well as my rents) every bloody tuesday and friday. Tuesday is the 'sibling rap' and friday is...Well, HELL! It's a group rap thingy that sometimes lasts until the wee hours of the morning. So far I havent had to endure the torture. I've only had to go to the 3 hr long graduations for people I dont know and have never met, only because I am new. I swear I fall asleep everytime. As for the sibling rap... OMG! I feel so out of place. Its so hard to explain how I feel going to it. They make me feel as though what I think is wrong and horrible. See, I dont really care for my brother. I havent for the past, oh, forever. No, not that long, but for the past couple years I have drifted from our already distant relationship. I honestly could care less if he is in rehab for a year. I could care less if I dont get to see him for a year. When he was around, he never was at home so really, its nothing different. I dont miss him because we never talked anyways. And what really peeps me off about this program, is that they cant seem to understand that I dont care! That I dont really want to get in touch with my inner self and find some long lost feeling for my brother. I know for myself that either way, I'll always be cool with him. We wont be any more distant or any closer. My feelings for him are neutral. I dont hate him, but I dont love him to peices. And these rap setions.. God they are horrible. It's like a half debate. You state your opinion, the rap leader states his/hers opinion and what they THINK you are thinking when usually they are WRONG, and then its left at that. You cant speak back and correct what they said wrong. I dont want to be there in the first place, I'd rather NOT have to talk about various personal things especially when its to perfect strangers. But when I am forced to, atleast LET ME SPEAK!!! Instead of cutting me off and not letting me express what I'm really thinking. All I can say is that its retarded and I dont want to be there.
That is why I want to move out. See, if I move out, I have the freedom (well, SOME freedom) to choose when I come. I think i would be fine with going only on tuesdays. Cuz then that way I would still be IN the program, but not really. Also, along with the program comes one-on-ones. Which I think are awesome for the siblings who are having an aweful time couping and such or for people who want some counciling. I dont want counciling. I would like to live my life by me making my own decisions and dealing with whatever comes on my own. So what, my life isnt all that together. Who's is? I'm young, I'm not supposed to have it all together. I know what I want to do with my life, I know what it takes to get there. The only problem for me is getting there. I want to figure that out on my own. I dunno, so far I am not happy with the situation I have been put into. I have too much other crap to deal with right now.
Speaking of crap to deal with... I think I officially lost one of my good friends. (or atleast I thought she was...). She is mad at me for something I could not control. Interested i knowing the story?
About a week ago, my cousin, Rachel was visiting from Texas. Now, I never get to see her. The last time I saw her was like, 3 years ago. She is my age which is awesome! So, Friday night (i think it was friday, I cant really remember), I got off work and I was going to take her to this resturant that have the YUMMIEST fajitas. Anyways, just as we're about to leave, my phone rings, its my friend. She tells me she was in Silvan Lake with another friend and she had lost her car keys and was kinda stuck. (Silvan lake is about 1.30 hours away) She asked if it was possible for me to get her. Well, being the person I am, I was very willing to drive there and ger her. Two problems, my cousin is visiting and there is no way I could leave her for 3 hours and totally cancel our plans, and my mother wouldnt let me go anyways. So, I called her back and told her I couldnt get her. She seems cool with that. Then the next day, I call her to see if everything was okay and sure enough, she was mad at me. To keep the story short, I've tried to talk to her about it, but she absolutly refuses to talk to me. I gave up a couple days ago when i recieved a text msg from her saying that she was at work and didnt want to talk about it right then (even though she had already said that on like, 5 other occasions) and that she was call me when she wanted to talk to me. Thats when I said. F*** it. I'm not going to sit around waiting for YOU to forgive me for something I didnt do or couldnt help. And let me tell you, that fricken hurt.
Okay, I'm tired of writing...
There ya go C! LOVE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, Where to begin....
I finally got a job at good ol' Sport Chek. Totally awesome place except for two things, I am totally crushing my manager (only problem: She's straight) and the fact that i'm on commission which totally sucks because its impossible to make quota. Which really sucks because if I am to move out soon, there is no way $5.90/hr can support me, my car, my phone, and most importantly my place. Aside from that, its awesome, I work with some pretty awesome people.
On another note, my brother is in rehab. Hooked on crack. What a winner. He's in this program called AARC. What does it stand for? I have no clue, and quite frankly, I dont really care. I dont like the program. AT ALL! Why? Because its a whole family thing. Meaning I have to go (as well as my rents) every bloody tuesday and friday. Tuesday is the 'sibling rap' and friday is...Well, HELL! It's a group rap thingy that sometimes lasts until the wee hours of the morning. So far I havent had to endure the torture. I've only had to go to the 3 hr long graduations for people I dont know and have never met, only because I am new. I swear I fall asleep everytime. As for the sibling rap... OMG! I feel so out of place. Its so hard to explain how I feel going to it. They make me feel as though what I think is wrong and horrible. See, I dont really care for my brother. I havent for the past, oh, forever. No, not that long, but for the past couple years I have drifted from our already distant relationship. I honestly could care less if he is in rehab for a year. I could care less if I dont get to see him for a year. When he was around, he never was at home so really, its nothing different. I dont miss him because we never talked anyways. And what really peeps me off about this program, is that they cant seem to understand that I dont care! That I dont really want to get in touch with my inner self and find some long lost feeling for my brother. I know for myself that either way, I'll always be cool with him. We wont be any more distant or any closer. My feelings for him are neutral. I dont hate him, but I dont love him to peices. And these rap setions.. God they are horrible. It's like a half debate. You state your opinion, the rap leader states his/hers opinion and what they THINK you are thinking when usually they are WRONG, and then its left at that. You cant speak back and correct what they said wrong. I dont want to be there in the first place, I'd rather NOT have to talk about various personal things especially when its to perfect strangers. But when I am forced to, atleast LET ME SPEAK!!! Instead of cutting me off and not letting me express what I'm really thinking. All I can say is that its retarded and I dont want to be there.
That is why I want to move out. See, if I move out, I have the freedom (well, SOME freedom) to choose when I come. I think i would be fine with going only on tuesdays. Cuz then that way I would still be IN the program, but not really. Also, along with the program comes one-on-ones. Which I think are awesome for the siblings who are having an aweful time couping and such or for people who want some counciling. I dont want counciling. I would like to live my life by me making my own decisions and dealing with whatever comes on my own. So what, my life isnt all that together. Who's is? I'm young, I'm not supposed to have it all together. I know what I want to do with my life, I know what it takes to get there. The only problem for me is getting there. I want to figure that out on my own. I dunno, so far I am not happy with the situation I have been put into. I have too much other crap to deal with right now.
Speaking of crap to deal with... I think I officially lost one of my good friends. (or atleast I thought she was...). She is mad at me for something I could not control. Interested i knowing the story?
About a week ago, my cousin, Rachel was visiting from Texas. Now, I never get to see her. The last time I saw her was like, 3 years ago. She is my age which is awesome! So, Friday night (i think it was friday, I cant really remember), I got off work and I was going to take her to this resturant that have the YUMMIEST fajitas. Anyways, just as we're about to leave, my phone rings, its my friend. She tells me she was in Silvan Lake with another friend and she had lost her car keys and was kinda stuck. (Silvan lake is about 1.30 hours away) She asked if it was possible for me to get her. Well, being the person I am, I was very willing to drive there and ger her. Two problems, my cousin is visiting and there is no way I could leave her for 3 hours and totally cancel our plans, and my mother wouldnt let me go anyways. So, I called her back and told her I couldnt get her. She seems cool with that. Then the next day, I call her to see if everything was okay and sure enough, she was mad at me. To keep the story short, I've tried to talk to her about it, but she absolutly refuses to talk to me. I gave up a couple days ago when i recieved a text msg from her saying that she was at work and didnt want to talk about it right then (even though she had already said that on like, 5 other occasions) and that she was call me when she wanted to talk to me. Thats when I said. F*** it. I'm not going to sit around waiting for YOU to forgive me for something I didnt do or couldnt help. And let me tell you, that fricken hurt.
Okay, I'm tired of writing...
There ya go C! LOVE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!