AHH! Another pointless day...
That gay ass group for sexual abuse survivors that i started last week, Ive concluded, is COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY bullshit and pointless waist of time...The girls are trashy and they come in and talk about how they are fighting with their boyfriends, and how they got new cars, and how they got jumped by 7 nig**rs today(i dont want to offend ne1)...and its just annoying...because i spend an hr and half there and want to get help and figure things out in my life and its frustrating when they dont even remotely talk about anything revolving around the subject matter in which we are there! AHHHHHHH!!!
These meds im on are making me happy...almost too happy i feel...that it makes me feel kinda guilty that im not sad or upset more often and deeply...thats strange, cause i want to be happy but at the same time, none of my issues are resolved, so i know its not a true happiness, but a drug induced one, that would disappear if i quit taking my meds...so thats discouraging...
Hmmm....life really is fucked up...theres so much out there we have no idea about and yet we are so tangled in our own little lives..
"Im Confused"
Im confused because its like I like to cause myself pain.
Im confused because I see the burn scars from cigs Ive scorched in my arms.
Im confused because I see the slices I have proudly cut and more proudly watched heal.
Im confused because sometimes I feel so alone, yet sometimes, EVERYONE wont get off my ass!!!!!
Im confused because Im mad at the world.
Im confused becuase im mad at myself.
Im confused because my father betrayed me, and Ill never be able to ask why...?
Im confused because this world is just confusing, period..without all my drama...
Im confused because Im in love with my best friend and hes so good to me
Im confused because I want to know why God has given me all the shit in life.
Im confused why God didnt make my life any worse...
Im confused why God puts innocent people like us through torturous happenings in the first place...
Im confused as to whether God really even cares
Im confused because I want to trust
Im confused because I want to love
Im confused because I want to feel
Im confused because I want to touch...
Im confused because I want to open my eyes..
I want a new start...
I want clear skies
I want open eyes...
Just open my eyes,
Before my soul dies....
These meds im on are making me happy...almost too happy i feel...that it makes me feel kinda guilty that im not sad or upset more often and deeply...thats strange, cause i want to be happy but at the same time, none of my issues are resolved, so i know its not a true happiness, but a drug induced one, that would disappear if i quit taking my meds...so thats discouraging...
Hmmm....life really is fucked up...theres so much out there we have no idea about and yet we are so tangled in our own little lives..
"Im Confused"
Im confused because its like I like to cause myself pain.
Im confused because I see the burn scars from cigs Ive scorched in my arms.
Im confused because I see the slices I have proudly cut and more proudly watched heal.
Im confused because sometimes I feel so alone, yet sometimes, EVERYONE wont get off my ass!!!!!
Im confused because Im mad at the world.
Im confused becuase im mad at myself.
Im confused because my father betrayed me, and Ill never be able to ask why...?
Im confused because this world is just confusing, period..without all my drama...
Im confused because Im in love with my best friend and hes so good to me
Im confused because I want to know why God has given me all the shit in life.
Im confused why God didnt make my life any worse...
Im confused why God puts innocent people like us through torturous happenings in the first place...
Im confused as to whether God really even cares
Im confused because I want to trust
Im confused because I want to love
Im confused because I want to feel
Im confused because I want to touch...
Im confused because I want to open my eyes..
I want a new start...
I want clear skies
I want open eyes...
Just open my eyes,
Before my soul dies....