ResumeFAIL
So I work for a corporate recruiting firm now as an internet researcher and sometimes it has its perks. Like unintentionally humorous resumes and cover letters. Ah, my pedantic side exults in its feeling of POWER as I hit the 'Delete' key.
In response to the job you have posted on Monster.com ______ I have taken the liberty of submitting my resume for your consideration. I am confident my experience centers on all aspects of pertaining to projects (whaaaat? is this English?), interacting with individuals of all capacities (i.e. I know how to talk to people), and ability to produce high-quality materials on a timely basis which could provide much value and benefit to your company. I would like to meet with you, face-to-face, and further substantiate my claims. <--I live in Germany now. If you want to fly here to talk with me about this job opening though, feel free to go ahead.
As Marketing Coordinator, I was consistently energized with the opportunities to advance my skills in overcoming promotional boundaries. What are "promotional boundaries"? Are they like country boundaries? Do they have border patrol cops and electric fences? Is that why he's "energized"? I personally designed all print media flyers, banners, brochures etc. I provided vendor literature support to the sales staff, ordered a variety of promotional products, assisted with monthly sales meetings and year end award programs and reconfigured and maintained the company’s web site amongst many other skills.
If you would please take a look at my attached resume, you'll see listed some of my many strengths, (Bad comma! No cookie!) and qualifications I have for the desired position in which you are offering. My extensive experience with print media, (Arrrrgh! Too many useless commas!) and magazine ad designs began to sharpen my eye, by proofreading countless materials prior to going on press. MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS. HE SAYS HE HAS "SHARPENED HIS EYE" FOR PROOFREADING. HA HA HA. NO.
My background has afforded me many "intangible" qualifications one can't learn from a book. (What "tangible" qualifications do you learn from a book? Other than that you now presumably own the book.) I ask for a few minutes of your time, so we can further explore the contribution I could bring to your company. Please contact me at _______ to arrange a time. I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate the opportunity to apply and be considered for this position.
Sincerely,
XXXXXX
Ahhh....it's good to be a grammar nerd.
In response to the job you have posted on Monster.com ______ I have taken the liberty of submitting my resume for your consideration. I am confident my experience centers on all aspects of pertaining to projects (whaaaat? is this English?), interacting with individuals of all capacities (i.e. I know how to talk to people), and ability to produce high-quality materials on a timely basis which could provide much value and benefit to your company. I would like to meet with you, face-to-face, and further substantiate my claims. <--I live in Germany now. If you want to fly here to talk with me about this job opening though, feel free to go ahead.
As Marketing Coordinator, I was consistently energized with the opportunities to advance my skills in overcoming promotional boundaries. What are "promotional boundaries"? Are they like country boundaries? Do they have border patrol cops and electric fences? Is that why he's "energized"? I personally designed all print media flyers, banners, brochures etc. I provided vendor literature support to the sales staff, ordered a variety of promotional products, assisted with monthly sales meetings and year end award programs and reconfigured and maintained the company’s web site amongst many other skills.
If you would please take a look at my attached resume, you'll see listed some of my many strengths, (Bad comma! No cookie!) and qualifications I have for the desired position in which you are offering. My extensive experience with print media, (Arrrrgh! Too many useless commas!) and magazine ad designs began to sharpen my eye, by proofreading countless materials prior to going on press. MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS. HE SAYS HE HAS "SHARPENED HIS EYE" FOR PROOFREADING. HA HA HA. NO.
My background has afforded me many "intangible" qualifications one can't learn from a book. (What "tangible" qualifications do you learn from a book? Other than that you now presumably own the book.) I ask for a few minutes of your time, so we can further explore the contribution I could bring to your company. Please contact me at _______ to arrange a time. I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate the opportunity to apply and be considered for this position.
Sincerely,
XXXXXX
Ahhh....it's good to be a grammar nerd.