Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
what a day...
so I have been home from school for about 5 days or so... and today I spent the whole day in the hospital. My Oma(grandma in german) had a severe stroke this morning and i have been at the hospital since 2:30ish. fuckin A. If she was okay it wouldn't be as bad, but the doctor gives it from a few hours to 24 hours til she passes. All that keeps running through my mind is am i really going to lose two grandmas in less than a year?! wow. I was supposed to be visiting her this weekend for a BBQ... we were going to have a little family get together. well, we had a family get together, but it was not under the best circumstances. I saw so many of my family from that side it was crazy - i havn't seen some of them since i was like 12. I know all things happen for a reason, but I can't possibly understand WHY this would happen. That woman was all that side of the family had. she was everyone's inspiration and the one person you could count on to always make you feel wanted. Why is death becoming such an ample part of life thesedays? When we were little we never worried about death, but in the past year and a half i can name so many people that passed... Billy ( lil more than 2 years), a few friends parents, My grandma, my old english teacher, etc...
It's just upsetting that's all.
So on the the medical diagnosis: she had a stroke, which caused internal bleeding of the brain... the bleeding caused her brain to swell, now the brain is swelling and losing room in the actual skull. I asked the doctor if operating and putting a shunt in the brain would help get rid of the blood and lessen the swelling, but it is inoperable from where the bleeding is. and since there has already been sooo much damage to the brain and brain stem, she would most likely end in a vegitative state - otherwise known as terri shiavo. anywho - so the brain is swellng so much that it is pushing down the brain stem and spinal cord, looking for a place to put all the extra fluid and brain matter, in a sense. this clearly poses a problem because the brain is supposed to stay in the skull... not wonder where ever is pleases...
I think the creapiest part of this whole deal is exactly 18 years ago My mom's dad died... about 4 days after my first birthday... 9 months later my dad's dad died. 18 years later my mom's mom died (sept 05 - who by the way was one of my best friends) and now 9 months later, my Oma is in the hospital in critical condition...
I am running out of hope.
**sorry if anyone actually read this... it was just for me to vent/figure things out with.**
so I have been home from school for about 5 days or so... and today I spent the whole day in the hospital. My Oma(grandma in german) had a severe stroke this morning and i have been at the hospital since 2:30ish. fuckin A. If she was okay it wouldn't be as bad, but the doctor gives it from a few hours to 24 hours til she passes. All that keeps running through my mind is am i really going to lose two grandmas in less than a year?! wow. I was supposed to be visiting her this weekend for a BBQ... we were going to have a little family get together. well, we had a family get together, but it was not under the best circumstances. I saw so many of my family from that side it was crazy - i havn't seen some of them since i was like 12. I know all things happen for a reason, but I can't possibly understand WHY this would happen. That woman was all that side of the family had. she was everyone's inspiration and the one person you could count on to always make you feel wanted. Why is death becoming such an ample part of life thesedays? When we were little we never worried about death, but in the past year and a half i can name so many people that passed... Billy ( lil more than 2 years), a few friends parents, My grandma, my old english teacher, etc...
It's just upsetting that's all.
So on the the medical diagnosis: she had a stroke, which caused internal bleeding of the brain... the bleeding caused her brain to swell, now the brain is swelling and losing room in the actual skull. I asked the doctor if operating and putting a shunt in the brain would help get rid of the blood and lessen the swelling, but it is inoperable from where the bleeding is. and since there has already been sooo much damage to the brain and brain stem, she would most likely end in a vegitative state - otherwise known as terri shiavo. anywho - so the brain is swellng so much that it is pushing down the brain stem and spinal cord, looking for a place to put all the extra fluid and brain matter, in a sense. this clearly poses a problem because the brain is supposed to stay in the skull... not wonder where ever is pleases...
I think the creapiest part of this whole deal is exactly 18 years ago My mom's dad died... about 4 days after my first birthday... 9 months later my dad's dad died. 18 years later my mom's mom died (sept 05 - who by the way was one of my best friends) and now 9 months later, my Oma is in the hospital in critical condition...
I am running out of hope.
**sorry if anyone actually read this... it was just for me to vent/figure things out with.**