That man with the spack is back...
Inspired by a true story, of not more than five minutes ago...
Dear Captain Birdseye,
I am writing to enquire as to whether part of the so-called 'New' and 'Improved' recipe for Beef Stew & Dumplings (400g, Batch code 011576, Best Before 08/2007) involves the systematic removal of any actual meat larger than a cow's testicle.
Imagine my disappointment to find a mere three pieces of less-than-succulent beef matter, nestled inconspiciusly amongst 15, perhaps 20, 'chunky' carrots! (To be honest, I may have miscounted, owing to an unfortunate similarity between the swede and carrot. Definitive vegetable identification was nigh on impossible!)
I normally look forward to spreading the consumption of meat throughout a meal, finishing off a beef chunk as the tasty conclusion to a satisfactory purchase. But in this instance, there simply wasn't enough cow-ey goodness - I was forced to gorge on anonymous veg whilst sadly pondering where the rest of my meal had gone!
I am willing to forgive the error, since you are a nautical man and most likely of good humour. Would you be willing to dispatch the meat seperately to my home address, to make amends to this dining disaster? I would possibly accept chicken, as that tends to go well with dumplings. DO NOT SEND LAMB, IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
Cristophe U. Merrington-Head
Dear Captain Birdseye,
I am writing to enquire as to whether part of the so-called 'New' and 'Improved' recipe for Beef Stew & Dumplings (400g, Batch code 011576, Best Before 08/2007) involves the systematic removal of any actual meat larger than a cow's testicle.
Imagine my disappointment to find a mere three pieces of less-than-succulent beef matter, nestled inconspiciusly amongst 15, perhaps 20, 'chunky' carrots! (To be honest, I may have miscounted, owing to an unfortunate similarity between the swede and carrot. Definitive vegetable identification was nigh on impossible!)
I normally look forward to spreading the consumption of meat throughout a meal, finishing off a beef chunk as the tasty conclusion to a satisfactory purchase. But in this instance, there simply wasn't enough cow-ey goodness - I was forced to gorge on anonymous veg whilst sadly pondering where the rest of my meal had gone!
I am willing to forgive the error, since you are a nautical man and most likely of good humour. Would you be willing to dispatch the meat seperately to my home address, to make amends to this dining disaster? I would possibly accept chicken, as that tends to go well with dumplings. DO NOT SEND LAMB, IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
Cristophe U. Merrington-Head